Verboten
by Ariadne The Alchemist
Summary: Ed contemplates on the past, Al yearns for the future. Suddenly, in an unexpected miracle, everything falls back into place. With Al’s newly restored body, how will he deal with his feelings toward himself, toward his friends, toward his... brother? EdAl.
1. Memoriam

Hello friends of new and old! Ah…my first FMA fic. I'm hoping to go far with this thing. As you have probably noticed, this will be Elricest in the future, but right now it's just good old fashioned brotherly love, from Ed's POV. A LOT of flashbacks, much fluff, I warn you. But it will be Al's POV the rest of the story, I think. This definitely won't follow the normal series storyline since I haven't seen the whole ending yet…may Saturday come ever quicker!

One more thing: "Verboten" means "forbidden." So you don't have to look it up.

Very much hope you enjoy!

* * *

_A dream…perhaps. _

_Or maybe more like a memory._

_A memory of loneliness. A memory of fear. A memory of love lost, and then found._

_A memory of two children living in a house too big to fill up by themselves._

_A memory of a small boy standing timidly in the dark next to the only thing left he had to love._

_Yes, these are truly the memories worth having..._

_For these are the ones that bound their hearts together._

_

* * *

_

___"Brother?"_

___"Nnn..."_

___"Brother!"_

___"What?"_

___"Are you awake Brother?"_

___"I am now..."_

___"Oh, sorry..."_

___"Hn. What's wrong Al? Did you have a bad dream or something?"_

___"No, but, well… it's just so dark in my room, and cold, I got scared. And since mom's not here anymore..."_

___"Yes?"_

___"I thought…"_

___"Okay, fine. You can sleep with me tonight. Just stay on your side of the bed, and don't hog the covers!"_

___"Okay."_

___"…"_

___"Ed?"_

___"Whaaat?"_

___"Thank you."_

___"Ugh, you're welcome! Now go to sleep!"_

_

* * *

_

"Here you go, ah, Mr. Elric. Two one way tickets to Central. Mr. Elric?"

"Eh?" I snapped out of my daze. "Oh, thanks. Come on Al."

The ticket salesman gave me a strange look as we departed, but I pretended not to notice. I had gotten used to "strange looks" a looong time ago, this one was no different. I had already answered a million "Why are you wearing gloves in the middle of summer?" and "Who's that guy in the big metal armor?" So on and so forth. I wish people would mind their own business.

Anyway, it was the same old same old with us, Al and me. Head back to Central on a bumpy uncomfortable train ride, listen to one of Mustang's long annoying lectures, head off again on foot, and then look for that blasted stone. This was starting to become routine. I had actually memorized how many seconds, exactly, it took to get from each town to Central. I had actually calculated how many words Mustang speaks per minute, and then correlated that figure to what kind of mood he was in (he spoke much quicker when he was pissed.) I was that bored. Sometimes I almost wished a chimera or Homunculi would pop up once in a while, just to keep life interesting. Then at least I would have something to beat up.

On the other more positive hand, it was also kinda pleasant, just me and Al traveling together, not being in constant peril or "certain death" situations for a change. No mad priests, no seductive thieves, no crazoid terrorist, no butchers trying to chop my head off, no getting auto-mail trashed, no getting a nasty wrench bruise for said auto-mail trash…

The good life is a boring life, I guess.

And Al…

Al was Al. There was no way I could've gotten through all those binds without him. He was like my big, metal anchor keeping me firmly down in this crazy world. I'm supposed to be the one protecting him, that is one of the expectations of the elder brother, but Al saves my life in so many ways he'll never know. He's all I've got left. He's…my everything.

After all, we are brothers.

"Are you okay?"

"Hm?" I came down from the thoughts, again…

"You were daydreaming again, weren't you? You've been doing that a lot lately. Is there something on your mind?"

"No no, it's nothing. Let's just hurry up and get on the train before it leaves, k?"

* * *

I've always thought nostalgia makes the heart weak. 

Memories of happier times are nice, everyone has them. But that's all they are. Memories. Electricity stored among the brain's trillions of synapses, if you want to be specific. Some people get so lost in the past they don't even realize they're in the present, then they wonder where all their lost time went.

I keep telling myself this, but sometimes I even wander back into the dark corners of my head, and just remember...

* * *

"It's going to be a pretty long trip Brother, so why don't you get some sleep? Maybe a good nap will help clear your head." 

"Ah, you're probably right. I've been pulling so many hours studying I been living off six hours of sleep for two days."

I used the suitcase as a makeshift pillow and pulled my red cloak over my shoulders.

"'Night Al. Wake me up if something interesting happens."

"Okay. Sweet dreams."

_Sweet dreams._

_

* * *

_

Even though I try to forget sometimes, I have a lot of memories from my childhood. I remember things like Mom and Al, of course, of Winry, and Aunt Pinako, of our house, and of…him. My father. Although I do my best to block those out.

Al doesn't remember him too well, even when he still had his real body. He was very little, barely few days old, when dad left and didn't come back. He bugs me a lot to tell him about it, but I still refuse stubbornly. What Al doesn't know, is that if I could, I would completely erase Hohenheim Elric from my head.

I can't remember a whole lot before Al was born of course, but who can when they're only a year old? I've pieced together a combination of broken flashes of what I think are memories, and those together with Mom's stories of us…that makes for a fairly accurate portrait of when I was little. I think.

I remember one story she told me once, about a night in late June when a summer storm was raging outside our door. It was a furious, violent rain, and with every blow I thought the roof was going to fly off of our house.

I was sitting in my crib, scared to pieces by the flashes and noises. It was my first storm though. I started crying, but Mom hurried in and picked me up, cradled me in her embrace. She took me back into her room and wrapped her thick blanket over both of us. She must have been reading for the light was still on. Dad wasn't there.

She smiled gently as she held me to her, stomach bulging against my chest. "Did my poor boy get scared?" she soothed, stroking my hair.

I shuddered into her breast.

"There there, here, let me read to you a while. Try to go back to sleep..."

I quietly listened to her warm, honey voice tell me tales of adventure and love and miracles. I was wary of her stomach all the while, swollen with a baby, for I had already learned it could kick.

Al. It was my Al inside there. Even before my little brother was born, on some subconscious level in my head, I knew he was something I would cherish. And that story…it is the most peaceful setting I have to recall. The three of us huddling together in each other's comfort and warmth…through that summer storm that could never get inside.

* * *

_There was a soft tap on the door. _

___"Ed? Are you in here?"_

_"Yeah, come in Al."_

_"What are you doing in here? At this hour?"_

_"Studying."_

_"Alchemy?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Brother, it's almost midnight. We should get some sleep."_

_"You can go ahead. I'm not tired."_

_Al fidgeted._

_"Oh…but…are you afraid your going to have another nightmare? You've have some nasty dreams the past three nights, huh?"_

_"I don't have bad dreams when you're there…"_

_Ed sighed._

_"All right, here, why don't you come help me study? And I promise I'll get to bed soon."_

_"Okay!"_

_Al sat down and leaned over the book Ed had his nose in._

_"What exactly are you studying brother?"_

_"Human transmutation."_

_

* * *

_

From the moment I first laid eyes on that tiny, quintessence of innocence, I knew my life was going to be different, even though my small head couldn't quite comprehend it yet.

My Alphonse... That was my little bundle of a brother held snugly in my mother's arms.

I remember starring at him for a long time, unsure of how to react.

After a while mom, tiredly, said, "Come here Edward, sit next to mommy and meet your little brother."

I obediently flopped down beside her and continued to stare.

"His name is Alphonse," she said, "Can you say Al-phonse?"

I contented myself with munching on my fingers.

She just smiled. "Alphonse is going to be a part of our family now, okay? You're going to be his big brother."

A big brother? That sounded important.

"Would you like to touch him?" she asked.

My face brightened and I nodded my head.

She led my fingers over to Al's sleeping face and brushed them up and down his cheek.

"He's soft, isn't he?" she said. I nodded.

There was a knock at the door. "Mrs. Elric?" A kindly plump nurse-lady poked her head in the door. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm afraid I need to borrow Alphonse for some more tests. The doctor wants to make sure we send you home with a completely healthy baby boy."

Mom nodded. "Yes, of course."

The nurse smiled at me and scoped Al up. I was scared all of a sudden that this stranger was going to take my new brother away from me. I whimpered and pulled at mom's arm, still unable to verbally state my protest.

"Oh, don't worry honey, the nice lady is going to bring Al right back. Sh, don't worry."

I still didn't like it.

Mom looked a little sad as well for a split second, but then she returned to her smiling self and her attention came back to me.

"Al's just going bye bye for a while. Ed, can you say "Bye bye Alphonse?"

I stood up and waved madly to the nurse's retreating back. "Buh bi Allfonsssse!"

My mother laughed and hugged my tightly.

* * *

_"You idiot!" _

_"Don't call your older brother an idiot!"_

_"You know that's forbidden! If you get caught…"_

_"I won't get caught! Besides, I haven't tried anything yet!"_

_"I know you're going to use it to try and bring back mom! I thought you were over that crazy idea!"_

_"You think I'd forgotten? No way! Al, don't you want her back?"_

_"Of course I do! But…"_

_"But nothing! This can work! I know it will! You have two choices Al: help me or leave me alone."_

_"Oh…why do you always do this to me? I'll help if it means I can keep an eye on you so you don't kill yourself."_

_"Pah, I doubt that. I'm glad you're going to help though. This work seems kinda endless when you're the only one doing it."_

_"Yeah…what can I do?"_

_Ed handed him the book he was reading. "I can't make heads or tails of this. Maybe a fresh pair of eyes would have better luck."_

_They both read in silence for a while._

_"Brother?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"I still think you're an idiot."_

_

* * *

_

For the next seven years, Al clung to me like glue. When he was a baby, I was his own personal jungle gym. He simply loved to interrupt whatever I was doing and plop in my lap, demanding my attention. He developed a fascination with my hair and found it fun to see how much of it he could stuff in his mouth. And when he started teething he substituted my hair for whatever new toy I had come to possess.

Of course, I played the role of the typical older sibling and whined and cried and stamped my foot because Al could do whatever he wanted and I couldn't. I ended up spending a lot of extra time in the corner for my latest tantrum.

But when it came down to it…

Let me share this example. A while later, Al and I were playing outside one summery day while Mom was inside making dinner. I was off wandering around, far away from Al, despite the fact mom told me to keep an eye on him. Al, still a bit wobbly on his legs, toddled about chasing the breeze. I'm not quite sure what happened, but all of a sudden I heard a loud thump. I spun around and saw Al was on the ground, crying, and clutching his knee.

My first instinct was to ignore him and continue my private adventure. Mom would hear him soon; she would take care of it. I didn't need to interrupt my life just because my annoying little brother was crying.

But…I guess my heart wouldn't let me.

I quickly hurried over and knelt down next to him.

"You okay Al?"

He just continued to blubber.

"Aw Al, it's just a little boo-boo, see? Mom will make it allll better. I'll hold your hand 'till she gets here, k?"

Using my three and half year old lungs, I belted out, "MOM!Al fell down and got a boo-boo!**"**

It did the trick. Mom came dashing out of the house, the dish towel still slung around her shoulder and a vegetable still grasped in her hand. She ran to where we both were and picked Al up.

"Oh, there there, ohhh, did my poor little baby fall down? Let's take you inside, mommy will fix it."

I pouted a bit. I had expected to be rewarded with a kiss or hug or praise or something.

I watched as Al turned around and weakly waved at me, a small grin on his tear-stained face. I brightened a bit.

Later that night, Mom told me what a good thing I had done, what a good big brother I was. But really, that smile was all I needed.

Al was up and kicking in no time, he was tough like his brother after all. But now, whenever we went outside on one of our grand escapades, I always held onto his hand.

Just in case.

* * *

_"You ready Al?" _

_Al's hesitation is evident, but he still nods._

_They both flinch slightly as the knife cuts into their skin. The air around them seems heavier than normal._

_They both place their hands on the white chalk circle. The blue light glows brilliantly, and fireworks seems to shoot around the room._

_"Ah! Al its working!"_

_Al wasn't comforted by this. There was still an ominous cloud hanging in his chest._

_"Brother there's something wrong!"_

_The sparks turned violent, the light grew red. The horrible black hands shoot up like tangled vines, grasping everything._

_"Something's wrong! Ah…AH! BROTHER!"_

**

* * *

**

Besides Winry and a few others, there weren't very many kids who lived nearby. So Al and I grew up doing everything together. We played tag, hide-and-go-seek, cops and robbers, we climbed every tree we spotted, we explored all around our tiny town of Rizenbul, never drifting out of the boundary of the calling distance of mom, of course.

I think Al and I had a much stronger bond than most siblings had. Sure, we fought a lot about silly things, but what family didn't?

Al admired me because I was older, smarter, bigger, (until a few years later, damnit) and overly "cooler" than him. Since we didn't have a dad either, I was pretty much the only "fatherly figure" he had.

I admired Al because he was kind and sweet and was still nice to me even when I bossed him around. I didn't like it when people made fun of him or teased him, I took it very personally. Once, I got in a fist fight with an older kid down the road who called Al "stupid" because he accidentally stepped on one of his toys. I suffered a black eye, severely bruised knuckles, and a harsh spanking (followed by lecture) by way of mom, but I never once apologized and wore my scars with pride. Al hugged me and told me I was his hero.

A few years later, Al and I started dabbling in alchemy. I was a little better than him because I was older, but Al still amazed me with how quickly he learned himself.

A little while after that, our mother died. Al suddenly became the only real family I had left.

And a little while after that…

* * *

_The hands grabbed at him, tripped him, dragged him away from the light. No matter how much Al fought, their grip was total. _

_" AL NO! Let go of my little brother!"_

_"Help me!_**_"_**

_"I'm coming Al!"_

_He begins to fade._

_"Brotheeer!"_

"Brother?"

_"NO! Don't take him away!"_

_"BROTHER HELP ME PLEASE!"_

"Brother? Hey, wake up!"

* * *

I sprung awake and started babbling like an idiot. "Wha wha, what happened? What did I miss?" 

"Nothing. The train just pulled into Central, that's all."

"Really? Wow, I must've slept pretty long."

"You did," he leaned in a little closer, "Were you having a dream? You made all sorts of funny noises while you slept."

I sighed. "Yeah, you could say that. I just had a dream..." More like a nightmare.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Oh," he said, "Okay…"

I narrowed my eyes. "Now you're acting weird! Is there something you wanna tell me?"

He twiddled his leather thumbs. "Well, it's just, I don't really dream anymore. I miss it."

"Oh…I'm sorry Al…I keep forgetting you can't sleep…"

"It's okay. But…um…there's actually something else that's been bothering me more."

"What's that?"

"I…I don't think I can remember what mom looks like anymore…"

I was shocked. "You can't? But…you used to! I mean, when did you notice that you couldn't?"

"I think it's been…progressive. One day I had to sit and think really hard just to remember what color her eyes were. Then the color of her hair began to fade, then her smell, then her smile, and then…nothing."

I knew that if he had eyes, he'd be crying right now. It killed me to have him suffer so and barely be able to do a thing about it. I was able to protect him all my life, and now when he needs me the most I can't! It was…so frustrating!

"I just…really want to have everything right again. I want to be able to remember."

I leaned against his shoulder and twined my hand with his. I knew he couldn't really feel it, but the gesture was good enough.

"Don't worry Al…I know I've told you this a thousand time, but once more I'm going to say it. I will get you back to normal, just the way you were, memories and all. Then…hey how about this, we'll settle down for a while, okay? Just you and me. Maybe we can buy a house somewhere, and we can live normal lives. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Yeah…" he sounded a bit happier. Good.

"We just need to keep going forward, right brother?"

"Yeah!" I said cheerfully.

_Just keep going…_

_

* * *

_

So…

What did you think? Reviews, comments, grammar corrections, constructive criticism, all very much welcome. Sorry if the layout confused you a bit. Basically, the parts on the train are normal time, the italics is the dream Ed has while he's sleeping, and the Ed musings are just his random collection of thoughts at one point or another. Make sense? Ne…

Oh! And as a note to Yuhiru (if you're reading this) my AIM is "FlareAngelS," although I warn you I'm not on too much. Ah…

Hopefully ch 2 will be up quickly!

-ATA


	2. Rebirth

Yay! Chapter two! This one will be…confusing at first, to say the least, but it will make sense about halfway through, promise. Al POV. Hope I kept him in character.

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: Whazzup! Happy Belated Birthday! My friend's always sing at the lunch table when it's my birthday, eeee…I so sorry about your friend! You may have patched things up by the time you read this, but in case you haven't, it sounds to me like your friends is maybe…going through something difficult. Maybe she's depressed or moody or something of the like. I'm sure if you keep being nice to her, she'll talk to you again. Hopefully! Don't apologize about the long review, I luuuuurve long reviews. Nehe.

Anfitriteaquarius: Thank you thank you! I did try to write a good history of those two, and I'm glad you think I did!

I like responding to reviews. Don't be shy!

Onward!

* * *

Cold…black…hollow…empty. 

Unfeeling…numb…frozen…dead.

These were the things I was used to.

Day in and day out, I felt nothing. If it was cold, I didn't shiver. If it was hot, I didn't sweat. If it rained, I could only "hear" the pitter patter against my metallic body. I was a walking statue. I didn't live, I merely existed.

I had forgotten the feel of the sun. I had forgotten the softness of another's skin, the smell of fresh food. I had forgotten hunger, thirst, fatigue. I had almost forgotten everything that once made me human.

But…I suppose being in prison is better than heading to the gallows. That is, I would rather be here than be dead. I would rather travel by my brother's side than watch him weep at my funeral.

It's been so long…I can barely remember…

But is that…

Warmth…?

* * *

_Too much noise._

Make all the noises stop please…let me go back to sleep…

So…muffled. Like someone had wrapped my senses in a blanket. I could hear…just not much…was someone shouting? Everything felt dull, diluted.

_Tired…I'm exhausted._

Images passed before my eyes...there were incredibly blurred. Am I going blind? No, I just can't see.

_And one more thing…_

Why does everything feel so hard all of sudden?

I was aware of a floor beneath me. It was hard, cold, a metal floor covered in dust and soot. How can I tell if it was cold? How can I feel that dust? I'm not supposed to feel…I can't feel. This is just a trick of the head.

My brain was all shadows. Everything was…fuzzy. Like cotton. It tingled, but not in a good way. It was like I had the answer to the world, but had just forgotten it. I couldn't tell one reality from the next. This must be what nothing felt like, maybe I'm finally dead.

Then I felt something, an annoying something, trying to yell away my numbness, chase away the shadows. They were shouting, they kept shaking me. But numbness was good, unfeeling was normal. All this is making my head hurt more. Leave me alone.

My conscience was falling into a black hole, an endless, deep hole that if I fell into I knew I could never get out. My chest felt like it was on fire. I needed something, but what? Don't answer that, let me be, just let me sleep. I'm too weak to deal with this now…

But the shouting was coming more violently. It was louder than before, like a layer had been taken off. It was only one person, I think. How could one person make so much noise? Be quiet.

The shouting stopped. Can I sleep now?

I think something, was lifting me? The hardness and coldness of the floor was replaced by the nothingness of air. Nothingness was good…

Then…

I heard something. A voice that pierced through my senses. Shouting at the top of his lungs…

"_WAKE UP!" _

I felt…I _felt_…something hard and…_painful_, hit me in the face. This was no dream. This was real.

And then the true feeling washed over me like a wave.

I gasped in and the cold air hit the back of my throat. My throat was dry, so dry like I had swallowed sand. But at least the burning in my chest was soothed.

But everything else…

My head throbbed. I couldn't see anything but gray. My joints ached, my entire being ached. I couldn't move at all, and it was so cold…it hurt…it hurt so badly. This searing pain that ripped through my insides. I'd forgotten how much pain _hurts_.

_Make it go away Brother…_

The second wave of air was no better than the first. This one got caught inside me, leaving my heaving and sputtering. I wanted to sob, scream. So cold…so dry…just so…_real._ I wasn't ready to be flung into this harsh reality. With the greatest pleasures came the greatest pain, and I wasn't ready to feel either yet. I wanted to crawl back into my familiar metal body and be dead again.

But…

Then a warmth came, the most incredible and heavenly warmth. It wrapped around my body, it soothed away my pain and cold. It steadied my breathing so I didn't choke myself. Everything seemed so irrelevant suddenly, I only wanted it to hold me closer. I tried to grasp myself nearer to it, but I still couldn't move.

It felt my need and held me tighter. It whispered a soft, soothing murmur into my ears, one that made my head calm. I started to see things clearer…I saw something above me that looked so _bright_.

I could feel everything begin to fade again, but this oblivion was so much sweeter. I think I heard something else before I rested...

"Shhh…Al…shh…I'm here now…I'm here…"

* * *

My eyes opened up to a wooden ceiling. 

I blinked once. Twice. Yes…those were definitely eyes.

A dream? No, I can't dream. What's going on? Where did everything go?

Everything feels…whole again. 

I can feel?

Then that means…

I tried to sit up, but I was still too weak. So I tried something simpler and blinked again. Yes, I had eyelids. I wiggled my toes. Yes, toes intact. I open and closed my mouth. Yes, I had a mouth. I could tell there was a blanket over me and I was also very much unclothed.

What kind of weird joke was this? Last time I checked I didn't have eyes or toes or a mouth. _What is going on? _

I suddenly wanted my brother…badly.

_Brother, where are you? I'm so confused..._

I heard a door open and shut. I think. Footsteps entered the room, paused, then picked up again at a rapid pace.

"You're awake!" a relieved voice cried.

Someone was now leaning over my bed, but I couldn't distinguish who it was. The only thing I was aware of was something incredibly _yellow_ hanging in my face. I focused my eyes as hard as I could and…

It was Ed.

I thought I was going to die of relief. He was bending over me, smiling, but an incredible worry still clung to his face. There were dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't gotten much sleep, his hair was all over the place, his eyes looked almost dead.

"Oh Al, I was so afraid you weren't going to wake up. How do you feel? Is there anything I can get for you?"

I tried to answer but all that came out was a hoarse wheeze. The air cracked against my throat and I started coughing again.

"Ah, sorry! You don't have to talk if you can't! Don't push yourself, relax, you've been through a lot."

I focused on my breathing and it came back to normal. Ed grasped my arm tightly to keep me steady and my coughing stopped. All this seemed so old and so familiar at the same time, but I was still so confused…

"Al, do you…remember anything that just happened?"

I managed to shake my head side to side.

"Nothing? Nothing at all?"

I put on my best puzzled face.

"Well…um…" he looked around and then reached over to a table to grab something.

"I think this will be all the explanation you need…"

An explanation? Good. It's about time something started to make sense.

He was apparently holding a mirror. Why? I guess I would soon find out. Using his free hand, he carefully picked me up into a sitting position so I could see into it. Still wondering what this was all about, I looked into the mirror.

I saw rusty gold-brown eyes, not red ones. I saw hair, not a long feather. I saw lips, nose, ears, skin.

I saw…me.

A fourteen-year old me. I was back in my own skin. I had finally gotten my body back.

_What? Why…when…how…? How did this happen?_

This was the tipping point. Never in a million years would I have guessed that I was back to _normal. _I didn't know how to react. My face scrunched up and a choked gasp escaped my lips, it sounded like a sob. _This happened so suddenly!_

Ed felt my panic and quickly pulled me into a huge hug, kept me steady as I shivered. I buried my nose into his hair and wanted to cry, I didn't care if Brother saw me or not. I just wanted to be held and told it would be all right, by anyone, so maybe my head would stop spinning. I needed this warmth, this human contact that I had been deprived of for so long. Too long.

"I know Al…" he said, "This must all be very sudden for you. You have every right to feel afraid and a bit lost. But listen," he pulled me back so he could look at me, "I want you to try and get some more rest, okay? Once you get your strength back, I'll explain _everything_. Don't you worry."

I managed to give him a smile. It was a weak smile, though. He gently placed me back on the bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. Rest did sound pretty nice…

My head remembered something I needed to tell him. I tried speaking again.

"Brother…" He jumped and turned around, surprised. My voice sounded horrible, it was all whispery and rasping, but at least I could talk, "I remember…" I began. 

"Yes? What do you remember Al?" he asked eagerly.

"Everything," I said.

He looked like _he _was going to cry himself. "I'm so glad Al, now get some rest…" 

I quickly fell into to welcome comfort of rest, an empty rest. I didn't dream at all.

* * *

When I woke up the second time, everything was incredibly clear again. I could see much better, I think I was a little stronger too, and my head felt lighter. 

Cautiously, I tried to pick myself into a sitting position. My arms felt like jelly and offered no support, so I quickly flopped back down. Annoyed, I did my best to scoot up on the pillows so I could look around.

I must have been in an inn or something for the room was sparsely decorated. A second bed was lying in the opposite corner of the room, next to a solitary window to the outside. The sun had almost completely sunked behind the buildings. How long was I asleep?

I glanced around for brother. He was in a chair next to my bed, completely sacked out. His head was rolled back over the head rest, and he was snoring fairly loudly too. I chuckled, amused that he still slept with his stomach hanging out.

"Brother," I said, rousing him from slumber. My voice was still rather quiet, but he heard it anyway. Ed had always been a light sleeper, at least when he wants to be.

"Eh…?" He sat up and rubbed his eyes, "Hey…good afternoon sleepyhead," he said with a yawn. 

"I could say the same to you."

"Heh, touché. Are you feeling better?"

"Much. What time is it?"

"Not sure, but last time I checked the sun was still up."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Not counting that little relapse in the middle, almost a day."

"A _day?_"

"Yeah. But you have to figure, this is the first time in a long while you've actually slept. You've got a lot of catching up to do."

I knew he meant it as a light joke, but it still bothered me. I took a sudden interest in my hand, and clenched and unfolded my fist and bent my fingers up and down. At least I could still move something. Everything was so heavy and awkward.

Ed looked over in concern. "Are you _sure _you're okay? You seem awfully…out there."

I gripped the sheet tightly. I looked at the floor, at the ceiling, anything so I didn't have to face him.

"Al…" his voiced trailed, "Al?"

"Everything's so heavy Ed…"

"Huh?"

"It's heavy. And solid. And so _bright_. I think this is probably what a baby feels like when he's born. There's air around me, I can feel it pressing against my skin. There's a blanket over me, I can feel the fabric. I have to catch myself sometimes because I keep forgetting I have to breathe. I haven't felt anything in _four_ years and suddenly I've gone through agony and comfort in what seemed like less than a second. The first thing I felt was a floor, a cold ordinary floor, but it was _something_. And something after a lot of _nothing _was very shocking to say the least. In short…answer me this Brother…" a passion sprung up in my voice, "What in the world happened! Why am I back so suddenly?"

He quietly walked over and propped me up better on my pillows. I was still energized with emotion, but he remained calm. He said, "Before I answer that, you need to tell me everything you remember. Anything you can recall that's happened in the last two days."

This frustrated me, but I began, "Um…well I remember going to Central. We stopped in on Mustang and he gave us new orders…we traveled a while…then there was that big building you insisted we check out. And…nothing."

"Nothing at all?"

"No. After that, the next thing I knew I was lying on that floor. Someone was there trying to get me awake, I do remember that, and they hit me pretty hard to get me to breathe again."

A realization popped into my head. "That was you wasn't it!"

He grinned. "Of course it was! What…did you think a total stranger was smacking you around to get you to wake up?"

"I didn't know. Everything was so blurry, I couldn't tell up from down."

His face softened. "Yes Al, that was me. When you first…came back, see, you weren't breathing. You felt so cold, I thought I was going to loose you. Then I remembered what doctors do when babies are first born, right? They give them a little slap to startle them and get them to breathe. I figured it was the same thing so I gave it a shot, although I was panicked so I might've hit you a little hard…"

"My face still stings."

"Heh, sorry. But it worked, you started breathing. I did my best to warm you up, then I think you fell asleep."

That lovely warmth…so that was him too…

"After that I carried you back here," he tugged a bit on his side, "As you might have noticed by my appearance, I didn't get much sleep while you were recuperating. I was terrified you were going to stop breathing and I wouldn't be awake to realize it. But, here you are, safe and sound, making your big brother worry himself to death, _like_ _always._"

I was less than amused. Leave it to Ed to make a joke at such a serious moment. "Very funny," I said, "But you know, worrying about _you _is a full-time job Brother. I've spent many nights by _your_ bedside, if you can recall."

"I know I know, you take good care of me Al," he continued to rub his side, "Least I can do is return the favor, right?"

I smiled and shook my head. It seemed so ordinary suddenly, this having-my-body-back thing, like my adolescence spent in that armor was merely a bad dream. But it wasn't, that was the problem, I had no answers and Brother wasn't exactly helping.

I was still curious about why he kept fidgeting around. It was then I noticed a dark stain on the side of his shirt, one almost masked by his black clothes. He was now grasping at it slightly, it looked like…

I gasped. "What is it?" he asked.

"You're bleeding! You've gotten hurt, why didn't you say anything?"

"Eh? Oh this?" He patted his side, "It's just a scratch. Nothing to be concerned about."

"Don't feign tough. You were reckless again, weren't you? Doesn't it hurt?"

"Not really. I just remembered I had it anyway. Besides, do you really think I would care about a stupid cut when I was worried my little brother wasn't going to wake up again? I think not."

"Oh…I guess you're right…"

I paused and searched through my memory banks for an explanation for his injury. There was some rusty image I recovered of a huge warehouse, Ed fighting someone…it was grainy but it looked like he was fighting "Envy!"

Ed looked startled. "What?"

"Envy! Envy was in that building thing! I remember now, Mustang's orders were to look for Envy. It was because he was suspected of kidnapping and holding a large group of people somewhere. You were told to find him, and you thought he had rallied another alchemist to make a Philosopher's stone. We stormed the place…a lot of people were there all tied up…you and Envy fought…he gave you that injury! Then…" I mentally scratched my head. "Then I don't remember…"

"Well, you're right. That is what happened."

"Why can I remember that now when I couldn't before?" I asked aloud.

"Hmm…" He looked down at me closely. "I think your brain is slowly starting to sort out all the memories that have built up over the years. You said you remembered, as you put it, "everything," and that's good. That means you remember things before you went through the Gate. And since you remember everything that happened afterward, you must remember when you were in the armor too. Your head is just confused. If you give it time, you should be able to retrieve all the things you lost."

"You think?"

"Yes. Now, I'm going to go scrounge up some kind of wheelchair so I can take you to a doctor."

"A doctor? Why?"

"Why? To make sure you're definitely okay, that's why!"

He ruffled my hair affectionately. "I want a profession to tell me you are one hundred percent healthy. Besides, I need to get this damn thing wrapped up too." I assumed he was talking about his injury.

"But…won't they ask a bunch of questions? Ones that I'm not sure I want to answer…"

"Normally yes, but there's an old military doctor not too far away from here. He's heard rumors of us before, about our…abnormalities. I called him up and gave him the summary of our situation and he's agreed to check you out, no questions asked."

"Really? That's awfully nice."

He hobbled up to leave.

"Hold it brother."

"What?"

"You said you would tell me how I came back. I want to know, now."

"Now?"

"Yes! I mean, did you find a Philosopher's stone? Did you think of another way? I can't remember anything and I want an answer!"

I suddenly faltered. "Brother…um, you didn't…use those people to…?"

"NO." I jumped. His voice had suddenly turned harsh.

"Of course I didn't. I can't believe you would think that!"

"I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't know…"

He softened but his voice was still cold. "It's fine. I shouldn't have snapped at you. Let's just hurry and go."

* * *

In the end Ed couldn't find a wheelchair so he had to carry me to the doctor's house on his back. I could barely move, let alone walk seven blocks, so Ed decided it would be quickest to carry me there. He "borrowed" some clothes from the room next door and got me all set and dressed (this was embarrassing, but Brother just rolled his eyes and said I didn't have anything he didn't.) He put me on his back and started walking. He didn't say much as we went, I think he was still a little mad about what happened earlier. 

It was getting close to dark, so there weren't very many people on the streets. This was a good thing; it would have been awkward to explain my, erm, mode of transportation. We were about half-way there when the silence got too much for me.

"Brother?"

"What?"

His voice was sharp, but I continued, "Why do you suppose my arms and legs won't work right? It's like they're dead, or tired, or something."

"Well, I think in a way that's right, they're tired. You haven't used your "real" muscles in, what? Four almost five years? You need to build up strength again so you can move and walk and stuff. You're body pretty much sat there while it was in the Gate, doing nothing except growing and gathering dust, so it should seem a little…rusty? Once it's been active for a while, it should be back to the way it used to be. "

He went on more about his theory and I lost him after a while, but I was happy I'd gotten him talking again. I hated it when he was mad at me.

I nestled a little closer to his shoulder and his braid swished in my face. The sound of his footsteps created a steady rhythm lulled me into a calm, and his hair smelled so nice too…

* * *

The trip to the doctor's was fairly uneventful, which in itself was a good thing I suppose. The doctor was a kindly old man whom I assumed was long retired, but he still seemed to know what he was doing. He wasted no time once we arrived, and started poking and prodding me with various tools and instruments. He took my blood pressure, measured my temperature, and gave me at least a dozen shots, all were _very_ painful I might add. 

But in the end his diagnosis was hopeful; I didn't have any serious injures, diseases, organ trouble, head trauma, or the like. He told me to get plenty of rest, but still exercise my arms and legs regularly to get them strong again. I was dehydrated, slightly malnourished, and my stomach was somewhat shriveled, as strange as that sounded, so he told me to drink water, lots of water, for the next couple days. Food in strict moderation, if I ate to much I would get sick.

After all this, he fixed up Brother and assured us this was strictly "off the record." We thanked him profusely and headed back off into the night.

* * *

Ed quietly tiptoed up the stairs with me still clinging to his back. When we reached our room Ed deposited me in one of the beds and breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Glad that's over with," he grumbled kicking his boots off.

"Yeah…I was almost sure he was going to say something was wrong with me," I said.

"Why?"

"It just seems all too perfect to be real."

"I think we're just not used to having things go right for a change."

"Hn, everything we stumble into always seems to end up a disaster, doesn't it?"

"It's inevitable. I think we're cursed."

"I thought you didn't believe in superstition brother."

"I don't. But until I can come up with a better explanation, I'm sticking to that."

He smirked and flopped down on the other bed.

I paused. "Umm…Brother?"

He leaned up "Something else?"

"You know exactly what it is. I want to know how I got back, so stop trying to avoid the question."

"You're _still_ wondering about that?"

"Of course I am! You talk as if it wasn't a big deal!"

"It's not that…quite the contrary believe me…The thing is, I'm not sure what exactly happened myself."

"Stop being so mysterious! Are you going to tell me or not?"

He pondered a bit, "Tomorrow morning, first thing. I promise I'll tell you everything."

"Tomorrow?" I whined, "Why not _now_?"

"I think we've both had enough excitement for one day," he said lamely.

Why is he avoiding this? Why does he have to make everything a big secret? Ah, I don't know what I'm going to do with him.

"Besides," he continued, "unlike _some_ people who had the luxury of sleeping the day away, I am completely exhausted. I'm going to lay here and not move until morning. Unless you need something else…?"

"No no, I'm fine. But…"

"Huh? What? If you're still going to nag me about..."

"No no, I've given up on that. Um, it's just…your bed's so far away from mine…"

He snorted. "You were always scared by the dark, weren't you? I'm not going anywhere, and no bogeyman is going to get you either."

I flushed. Truth is I wasn't scared, I just felt really _really_ lonely. Two hugs from Brother weren't quite enough to replace that absence of touch that I had been robbed of.

Well, guess there wasn't anything I could do about it now. Go to sleep and hope for a quick morning…

I did my best to make myself comfortable on the bulky mattress, but it was difficult. I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, but no sleep came. I finally contented myself to lie there quietly and listen to the night. Brother must have been asleep because I couldn't hear any noises coming from his bed. An isolated feeling nestled in my chest, but I ignored it.

But then, I heard the sheets rustle on his bed. It was too dark to see, but I could hear his padded footsteps on the floor, walking over to me. I felt my sheets be pulled back and a body slipped inside.

"Brother, what are you doing?" I whispered.

"I decided to help chase away your monsters," he said, his voice tired and hazy, "I can't sleep, you can't sleep, so I might as well give you some company. 'Night Al."

"Good…good night brother."

Within moments, we both fell in slumber. Maybe we both just needed some company after all...

* * *

That night I dreamt of Mother. 

I was five years old again, sitting on the floor playing quietly. She came over to me and smiled, kissed my forehead, picked me up and held me like she used to do for both of us. She told me how happy she was, how brave I had been, but I didn't know why. She put me down without another word and walked into the other room. But when I went after her, she was already gone.

When I woke up I realized I was crying. A mix of tears of happiness and tears of sadness fell down my face, because Mom was still dead but somehow I knew she was proud of me. At least I would always have her memory, but I had come so close to loosing that too...

Ed had somehow snuggled up to me during the night. He was still asleep, unbothered by dreams, he must have had too many nightmares to be afraid of them anymore. His limbs were sprawled out all over me and every time he shifted his hand knocked into my chin. Most of the covers were bunched up under him, and he was snoring loudly in my ear. Needless to say, falling asleep again was completely out of the picture.

But do you know what the strange part was?

I didn't seem to mind.

* * *

I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter! Much more will be explained. Till next time! 

-ATA


	3. Miracle

Sorry for the slight delay in chapter updating, but Thanksgiving screwed up my schedule. AH. Too much turkey! That's all we have in my refrigerator now! NEEE!

I had to rewrite the ending three times until I was happy. Nothing seemed to fit! But it still turned out well I think. Good!

To my reviewers…

Al-luvs-Kitties02: First I must say that your pen name is utterly spiffy. I plan on fully completing this thing! Worry not.

MeLaiya: Thank you sooooo much!

YuhiruK.A.A.J.: Glad your friend apologized! But I'm sorry to hear your story is not going to well. Writer's block is so infuriating! Oh, and if there's any way I can help, I'd be more than happy to!

tempusfugit3: Thank you! I shall continue until it is complete!

Alphonse Elric: I think you'll enjoy this next part too! Yay!

AkaiMurasaki: Here it is! Chapter three! Will write as fast as I can. Hehe.

SuicidalKitsune: Neee…thank you sooooo much for pointing out that embarrassing typo. Feel free to point out anymore, grammar hates me. Bleh!

I do realize that FF has put that new "review reply" thing up, but I still prefer to do it like this. Why? I know not.

Enjoy!

* * *

I've always thought Brother was very handsome. 

Is that…wrong? To think that? To think a family member is good looking? I don't think it is, especially if it's true.

Brother has always had a nice face. Even when he was little he was the envy of all the other mothers, with his blonde hair and honeysuckle eyes. All of _their_ children were plain brown and black. We have Dad to thank for that of course, but Ed would kill me if I said that aloud.

I suppose Ed has always been on the borderline of the "pretty boy" stereotype, blonde hair, large eyes, braid and so on, but his personality is far from it I assure you. He's always acted and looked like…the sun, in a metaphorical sense. Both are extremely bright, golden in color, radiant, have a fiery disposition, and if you stare too long you're liable to get burned.

I've always been a bit "duller" than him, physically and personality wise. My eyes aren't as amber, my hair is not as vivid, and I've always been a little shy. Brother has always done all the talking for me, for the most part. He's led, I've followed. We make a good team, him and me, and I'm always there to keep his temper in check. Although I've never been able to shine quite as bright.

But who can compete with a brother like him? Youngest State Alchemist in the history of the military, the brilliant scientist, the well respected youth, the prodigy, the hero, he's famous! And I? I am his sidekick slash bodyguard slash bouncer slash "that big guy wearing the armor."

At least I used to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my background role, but at the same time I wouldn't mind making a name for myself. I can't follow in his shadow forever.

And yet…

Ed isn't as strong as he seems sometimes. He _has _suffered a lot you know. He carries a heavy weight on his shoulders from all the horrors he's had to go through. All the things he's seen and done…and lots of them for my sake. But he always bounces back each time, with a smirk on his face, acting like nothing had happened.

Well, no more I say.

It's my turn to protect _him_.

So, my Older Brother of the Sun, I hope you'll give me a chance to help bear your sins.

Because we're in this together. Aren't we?

* * *

Morning was never going to come. 

It would stay dark, _forever. _Ed would never wake up and kick me in his sleep, _forever, _and I will never ever know how I came back. It was that simple. There was no use denying it.

_Cranky, aren't we?_

An extremely long and uncomfortable night with your head full of worries and your stomach grumbling with hunger does tend to make one unusually pessimistic. I was no exception, and it wasn't like I couldn't do anything about it either. I was, in a sense, glued to the bed, and couldn't move even if I wanted to. That only added to my extreme aggravation.

But finally after hours of waiting I saw that relieving sight of the sun poke up from the horizon. The light flooded our room with a golden buttery color. My lump of a brother next to me finally stirred.

He yawned and stretched and bunched his messy hair behind his ears. I just lied there patiently.

"Morning Al," he said with a cheery grin.

"Yes. Morning," I said flatly.

He didn't notice my sarcasm. He shook out his hair and braided it down his back, humming cheerfully all the while. He pulled on his boots and was about to leave when I cleared my throat.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Um…I'm getting some breakfast?"

"No. You're not."

"Oookay, so what _am_ I doing?"

This was getting ridiculous. "It's _morning_ Brother. Morning! Have you forgotten your promise or do I need to refresh your memory?"

"What? You're still going on about _that?_ Jeez Al!"

I just glared.

"You're not even going to give me time to wake up properly, are you?"

"No."

"All right all right! You had better get yourself comfortable, this is going to take a while."

He sat down on the bedside and I propped myself up on the pillows, starring at him intensely.

His face was suddenly serious and unsmiling. He cleared his throat and began, "The last thing you remember, you said, was Envy and I fighting right?"

"Yes."

"Well…in the middle of our fight, you see, I was finally starting to drive him back, but then he changed his right arm into some kind of...sword or pike, I had never seen it before so I stumbled. It was then that Envy managed to get a good chunk out of my side." He patted his bandages as he said this.

"I recovered quickly enough, but then Envy lunged for you. You were busy trying to untie all the prisoners and didn't see him coming. Bastard attacked you from behind, you didn't have enough time to react."

"Then what?"

He fidgeted slightly. "Then…Envy kind of knocked into you and caught you off guard. He used his hand and stabbed through your front armor. I figured he was just trying to scare you, so I went after him again. But the coward scrambled off after that, I was too hurt to chase after him."

Brother shut his eyes tightly, like for some reason he was trying not to remember what happened next. "I went back over to see if you were okay…then I realized you weren't moving. I thought you were just a little stunned, but then I noticed that Envy had pierced all the way through to your other side. He had…hit your blood seal, by accident or by knowledge I'm not sure which, but either way it was definitely broken."

"Wait, so I…died?"

"Technically yes."

The room all of a sudden got much colder.

"Those Homunculi have been looking for a way to get to us for months, and I guess this was a desperate last resort: lure us in, kill off one, and then the other will be desperate enough to make a stone, with all the souls already there. I was too blind to see it coming…"

"I did my best to keep my head. I figured if I recalled your soul once, I could do it again. I drew the circle, began the transmutation, and of course there was that damn _Gate._ I figured the worst it would do was take away another limb, but hey, more business for Winry."

"That's not funny! What if it had decided to take more than that?"

"Do you really think I cared at that point? I was on the verge of hysterics, I mean you were dead! _Again_."

Brother was clenching his fist so hard his knuckles were turning white. I think his tough façade was beginning to break. "The next thing I knew I was back in the warehouse. The place was deserted, it was well past dark. I looked around and saw your armor was still there, but it wasn't moving. I thought the Gate had cheated me and was just about to try again…but then, I saw _you_. The real you, over a ways on the floor."

He chuckled. "For a second I thought I had finally gone overboard, but it was your old body there all right, soul and all."

"It already had my soul in it?"

"Yeah…you can't see it…" he tapped the back of his neck, "But you have another seal here. A permanent one, it looked like it had been inked or marked into your skin. This one isn't going anywhere, that's for sure."

I instinctively reached back to feel for it, but Ed slapped my hand away.

"Idiot! You don't know what will happen if you do that!"

"I…I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking…"

"It's fine, but you need to be careful."

I twiddled my thumbs and then asked, "So, what did you do after that?"

He smiled again, but this was a sorrowful one. "Well…I honestly didn't know _what_ to do."

He shivered a bit. I knew it wasn't the cold. "I was scared, I'll admit. Scared that if I moved at all you would shatter. Scared that if I closed my eyes you would disappear again. Like it was all just a dream…"

The smile died. "But it wasn't. You were there, unmoving, but alive. I snapped out of my shock and ran over to see if you were okay. You had a pulse…but you were so cold…"

He got up suddenly. "I already told you what happened next. I don't need to repeat it."

I was beside myself with guilt and grief. To have Brother go though all that, to see me…well, _die_. And for the second time! Then I had to go and make him relive it all again. I can't imagine how he must be feeling, but whatever it is he's doing a good job of hiding it. I don't think I could have acted that calm if he had been the one to suddenly perish. Look, he hasn't even cried yet.

But what am I saying, he hardly ever cries. He hasn't in over a year.

"Brother?" I asked as he headed for the door.

"Hm?"

"Just one more thing…what did you, um, have to give up to get me back anyway?"

He didn't answer me at first, but then he said quietly, "That's the part that scares me the most Al…I don't think I had to lose anything."

He walked out without another word, leaving me utterly speechless.

* * *

What happened to Equivalent Exchange? Equal trade? To gain you must lose? It didn't make any sense! Had the laws of science decided to take a vacation? Brother gave his arm just to get my soul back, but for my entire being he gave nothing? 

Maybe the Gate had decided I wasn't worth much after all…

Is it possible…that Ed _did_ give something up and he didn't want to tell me? Or maybe he doesn't even realize it himself.

Once thing's for sure, Teacher must have been right; equality wasn't everything we had cut it out to be. Maybe we should just call it a miracle and leave it at that.

Yeah…a miracle…

* * *

The next few days were difficult to say the least. They dragged by slowly, dully, sometimes I almost swore that time had stopped completely. I knew learning how to walk and function again like a normal human would be no easy task, but I never imagined how tedious it would be. My life became a routine that was painful as it was frustrating. 

Brother must have had the patience of a saint to wait on my every need and do everything I couldn't. He dressed me, bathed me, (modesty was no longer an option) fed me until I could finally hold a utensil again, and overall took it upon himself to make me better. He served me breakfast and lunch in bed, but made me get up and walk to the table for dinner no matter how much I complained. He was my "crutch" for when I hobbled around on my unsteady legs, and he never protested when he had to pick me up and carry me somewhere.

He stuck by the schedule he had developed for me. He woke me up at seven each morning and sent me to bed at nine sharp. I drank eight glasses of water a day, two for each meal and two in between. Any food I ate was carefully inspected by him and he watched me like a hawk for any sign that I might get sick. It seemed like every time I was full he made me eat more, and when I was still hungry he made me stop. I know Brother isn't stupid, but sometimes he just seemed way too unreasonable.

Speaking of food. Ahh…how I had _missed_ eating.

The first thing I ate was an apple, a plain simple apple that Ed gave me for breakfast, but I could have sworn it was food of the god's. It tasted _so_ delicious. I spent the good part of that morning daydreaming about more food.

When Ed finally put me on a regular diet, I raved about anything I ate. A four year fast does that to people, you know. Eating quickly became my favorite pastime, and Ed teased me that I was going to get fat. I almost wish. I had seen my reflection in the mirror, I looked like a skeleton.

Eventually, I did start to gain weight again and I felt myself getting stronger. I could sit up in bed and hold things without any help, but I still couldn't walk too far without having my legs get tired.

But exactly two days later I got up in the morning and walked straight to the other side of the room, and back, without any help at all. Ed was so happy he brought me a special treat: _chocolate_. A whole bar. He said I could eat the whole thing.

After my first bite I thought I was going to pass out. I downed the rest of the thing in two seconds flat. I suffered severe sugar hype and got sick to my stomach later, but it was completely worth it. Chocolate is a heavenly thing.

* * *

Today I saw the Gate. 

It was such a…_stupid _mistake. See, Brother was out at the market and I was trying to dress myself with little success. My fingers were clumsy and stiff and didn't want to work right. Lazy and careless, I yanked on my collar from behind to get it straight, and my finger accidentally scraped across the mark that kept my soul in place.

It was a…weird, experience. It's very hard to describe. First a wave of cold knocked the breath completely out of me, then a huge brilliant light blinded my eyes. I was completely paralyzed, then for a brief, terrifying moment I stood in front of that threshold. The sounds that came from within it…and all those _eyes…_

Then it was all gone, faster than you could blink. Dazed, I picked myself up and shook back into reality. The back of my neck was blazing hot, but I didn't dare touch it again.

I won't tell Brother about this. He already has enough to worry about.

* * *

There is a question I've been meaning to ask Ed, but I'm afraid as to how he'll react. 

I've technically been _through_ the Gate, right? Even if I can't remember, the body I'm in has been inside it for an extended period of time.

So does that mean…can I do alchemy without a circle like Brother and Teacher? It's possible isn't it?

I'm nervous to find out though. Alchemy without a circle is one of Brother's trademarks that he treasures highly. He can share it with Teacher no problem, but what about me? It would seem like I was stealing something from him.

Maybe I'll try one day, just for the heck of it. If I can't, I can't. If I can…well, I'll get to that eventually.

But it would be so _cool _if I could…

* * *

Brother seemed almost disappointed when he realized I didn't need his help any more, when I could take care of myself again. I think he had gotten used to his "take charge" role when I completely depended on him, but quite frankly I was tired of being waited on. That feeling of helplessness was one I wouldn't go back to anytime soon. 

So now Ed's out, and I'm standing in front of the mirror inspecting that mark on the back of my neck again, but couldn't help but admire how well I was fitting into my old skin. This probably sounds vain, but I wasn't half-bad looking either.

I wonder, does Brother like the way I look?

It was a frivolous thought I'll admit, but I was still curious. Ed told me when we were little that I look a lot like Mom, and his opinion means a lot to me. But if I asked now he'd probably laugh. Brothers aren't supposed to have thoughts like that about each other, he'd say, quit being weird.

But…I can't help it.

It's the strangest thing, but I feel more at east with Brother than anyone else I've ever met. Granted, I didn't get out much when I was still in armor, but even if I'm away from him for more than a minute I begin to get anxious. Come to think of it, I haven't been separated from him for more than a day or so ever since I was born.

And another thing, he's been the only one to really comfort me ever since I came back, isn't he? There's been nobody else, but I think that's only added to our bond.

Hmm...maybe that's why I acted so strange yesterday. You see, I was stretching out my legs and walking down the hallway, not really paying much attention, and I accidentally brushed shoulders with a girl staying in one of the rooms across from ours. It was an innocent mistake, it could have happened to anyone, and she was very polite and apologetic about the whole thing.

But me, oh no, I had to completely freak out. I recoiled from her touch like it had burned my skin, I remember clutching my shoulder like I was in pain, and I couldn't even look her in the eye. She puzzled at me confused and stumbled out another apology. She walked away still glancing back at me, bewildered.

I've never been comfortable around women, but even _that _was a little extreme. That brief contact was so strange, so alien, and it shook me up badly. It just…wasn't _Brother._ Brother equaled comfort. Brother equaled safety. He was the only one I could really trust. Anything else could and would cause pain, that was my odd logic. I know it's just some stupid post-traumatic physiological thing, but it still very real and very much imbedded in my head.

In the mean time, I'll deal with it the best I can. I can't be loosing it every time a stranger bumps into me, I wouldn't be able to function in the world. But it's still another secret I'm going to have to keep from Brother…

Speaking of Ed, it sounds like he's coming up the stairs. About time.

He greeted me with a cheery smile that makes my insides knot up. _Hello Brother, I've been daydreaming about you for the past half-hour, what have you been up to?_

He doesn't notice, and proceeds to talk about how _annoying_ the military was being that he hadn't checked in in over a week, how they had been looking _all_ over for him and trying to contact him. But he was so "irresponsible," as he quoted Mustang in a mocking voice, and he couldn't remember to give them his whereabouts. He went on saying he was going to poke around for an easier position since I had come back, and he was hoping to settle down for a while and-

"Brother," I interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Are you…serious about settling down?"

"Sure. Remember what I said on the train? Maybe I'll be able to scrounge up some kind of paper-work friendly research job thing where I don't have to go gallivanting around the country side at a mome-"

"Brother," I interrupted again, "I want to go to Risenbool."

"Risenbool? Why?"

"I don't know…I just do. I'm feeling a lot better you know, I can walk again, see? I can make the trip no problem if you're worried about that."

"No, I know you can handle it, I was just surprised when you asked."

"Well, it would be nice to go back again, you know? To see everyone, and besides, I'm sure Winry will want to know how we're doing."

"Winry? Oh crap, I completely forgot about her! Do you realize how hard she's going to clobber me when she figures out you've come back? And I didn't tell her? Damn…"

"Heh, sorry Ed…so, does that mean we can go?"

"Of course. We can get packed and head out in the morning, if you like."

"That would be wonderful. There's just one more thing though…"

"Something else?"

"I've been wondering for a while…is my, well, I mean, is my _old_ self still around?"

"Huh?"

"What I mean is, is my old body still in that warehouse? The armor?"

"Oh yeah…come to think of it, it is still there. Unless somebody moved it…but I highly doubt that. Do you…?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't mind visiting it before we left. It's hard to explain."

"It's okay, I understand. We'll go first thing tomorrow."

I beamed and trotted over to give him a nice big hug. He just huffed and stood there patiently, _far_ to masculine to enjoy a hug from his little brother, now that I wasn't a step away from death. But then he got real quiet…

"Al," he said flatly.

"Hm?"

"When did you become so TALL?"

I glanced down.

He had a point. When standing in front of each other the top of his head _just_ reached my chin. This could be a problem.

"Um, well, remember Brother, I was always a little taller than you when we were younger. This is the height I'm supposed to be."

He just looked mad.

"I'm sorry...?" I offered.

"Ah, don't apologize, guess it isn't your fault..."

"That's good, I was-"

"It's that GATE'S fault! It can't let me rest, can it! It takes away my arm and leg then says, "let's find another way to taunt him," and makes my LITTLE brother taller than me! Jeeze!"

"_Little_ doesn't always mean _shorter_ Brother! Eesh, that is so stereotypical..."

His face reddened. "Shut up!"

I think this was where the "sibling rivalry" thing kicked in. We playfully bantered back and forth for a while, and in the end we had to settle the argument like real brothers did (fighting.) Or course _I_ emerged victorious and basked in my triumph while Ed whined about being pinned down on the floor. I've never lost a fight with him, don't plan on doing so anytime soon. Brother never liked to lose, but it was my duty as the younger to keep him in check. I couldn't let his height complexes go running rampart.

When I finally released him, and when _he_ stopped sulking, we sat down and laughed long and hard until our sides were sore. Ed said he forgave me for being taller than him.

My brother is truly one of a kind.

* * *

When the morning came we quietly packed our few things and left, just like we had always done. But now we had a destination. It would be lovely to see home again… 

Just one more thing left to see.

* * *

Ah…I luuuurve writing in Alphonse POV. The possibilities for his character are endless! END. LESS. I hope I kept both _in_ character though. Oh, and I also hope I got all my alchemy scientifics more or less correct. Besides that one big thing of course, but I'll get back to that later! 

Next chapter is already brewing in my head, so hopefully I'll have it out sometime next week.

Cheers! -ATA


	4. Petrichor

My muse took a vacation for a few days, then finals swooped in a chomped me in the arse. Neee, I hope this was worth the wait. Oh, and the title for this chapter? Petrichor? It is "the smell of rain on the dry ground." There is such a word. But do not attempt to look it up in a dictionary, 'twill not be there.

To my lovely reviewers…

Dragon Fairies: Really? Where did you get that from? Because in almost every screenshot, fanart, official pic, etc. Al's always struck me as having kinda browny grey eyes, maybe a tint of green, sometimes their gold like Ed's. Nee, now I'm confused.

Starry Veil: In character is hard. "Would this person say that?" "Would that person do this?" Gah. But thanks for saying I do it well!

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: Oddly enough, I was never really an Ed/Roy fan. It just never grew on me. Huh. Anyway, I know _exactly _what you mean, being a writer is hard! Let's see…pointers, hmm. The most common flaw I've found with most writing is that there isn't enough detail. The story kinda springs back and forth from one thing to the next, it's disorganized. So, lots of detail. There is (almost) no such thing as too much detail! If you haven't finished writing the initial first copy yet, just try to write it all the way through, get all your ideas down, it's okay if it isn't exactly the way you want it! And there in lies the glory of editing. Edit a lot! Make it say exactly what you mean, don't be afraid to chop out big sections and rewrite them, most of the time it'll be better than before! Oy, I really hope this will help you a bit. I'm looking forward to it, and I can't wait to read your Christmas specials either! Yay!

Alphonse Elric: France? Sweet! Hope you had fun! Yes, the romance will be starting to bubble, I know I'm slow on that front. Neh…

Nitroviper: Second or third biggest compliment? Wow, I'm flattered, seriously! And congratulations on the NaNoWriMo thing! I think I understand what you're saying, don't have it be total doom and gloom, angst angst angst, so much that it gets too repetitive! Thank you, and any suggestions you make will be taken very seriously, _believe_ me!

Al-luvs-kitties02: I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations! Thank you!

SuicidalKitsune: Annoying critic? Oh no no no, I'm really grateful you point that stuff out! I hate it when errors make it to the final copy! Grr, anyway I would appreciate any corrections you can find. Thank you sooo much!

Sin of Envy: You will find out what the "thing" is! No worries! Lol, thank you!

To all other wonderful reviewers: Thank you!

I'm sorry I couldn't write everyone a little note, but if I did it would be longer than the story! Wheeeee! I guess that's a good thing. ENJOY!

* * *

Do you know…that feeling you get when someone's starring at you? 

You can't see them, or hear them, but you can "sense" it? And you get so agitated about this rude person, you figure you'll turn around and catch them in the act, that'll show them.

But then, you turn around…and no one is there.

That was pretty much the feeling I was getting right now, except it felt like _millions_ of tiny invisible eyes stalking us as we approached the building. The giant entryway loomed over my head like the gate to some horrid precipice, while the decayed leaves and grass crunched under my boots. Even the sky was darker over here, it seemed so much sunnier as we were leaving.

This was suddenly turning into a very, very, bad idea.

Ed looked at me with worry. "Want me to come inside with you?" he asked.

"No, no…I'd better go by myself."

I'm not a child anymore. Brother doesn't need to hold my hand when I'm scared. I can do this.

I swallowed and heaved open the huge door.

A burst of musty, dank air rushed against my face when I stepped inside. The place was completely dark of course, this building was probably built before I was born. There was a dead quiet about it, like all sound had been sucked out, not even my footsteps echoed on the dirty paved floor.

Nevertheless, the place was untouched, just as Brother had said. It was obvious it had been abandoned a long time ago, the supplies and crates in the corner long rotted away, and the rest was infested with insects and rats. No one had bothered to clear away those frayed ropes in the corner, the ones that held the people we were sent to save in the first place. No one had scrubbed away the blood stain on the floor, or the circle in the middle, the two things that Brother had left behind.

And…no one had taken away me either.

I carefully walked up to the armor, like I was afraid it would suddenly spring back to life. The "head" had rolled away a few feet from the rest of the body, and Envy's damage was still painfully evident as the front plate was almost completely smashed. The back didn't look much better. I could still see the remnants of what used to be my blood seal, there was definitely no way I could have survived that…

I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't looking in a mirror. Not anymore.

The best way to describe this situation, I should think, would be an "out of body experience." Here I was looking down at my old self, my _dead_ self, like I was a …ghost or something. And that itself may not be too far off.

My thoughts could be almost considered paradoxical, I was bitter and joyful at the same time. The way I see it was…that armor was my prison, my hell that I was trapped in for four years. There were some days I thought I would go insane for lack of feeling, with my constant starving and insomnia.

However, it was also my vessel, my second skin that was my home. It kept me safe, and young, untouched, _invincible_…

Well…_almost_ invincible…

How am I supposed to deal with this?

Dejected and frustrated, I reeled back my foot and kicked the side so hard my toes went numb. A cry escaped my throat as it sickeningly flopped over with a thump.

I dropped to my knees. I felt like I needed to apologize, but to what? _It's not dead! It wasn't even alive to begin with! I just…filled it for a while! That's all!_

My side hurt.

Whether I denied or accepted it, this metal thing _was_ me. I could forget all I wanted, but the ugly truth will always be there. Things you try to bury are the first that come back to haunt you.

I carefully picked up the helmet from off the floor, the empty eyes locked in an eternal sleep. I dreamily pressed it to my forehead. For some reason it seemed warm.

I tucked it under my shoulder, a memento for the things that were. I walked out and didn't look back.

* * *

Brother was still there, waiting patiently, leaning up against the building wall in deep contemplation. 

He opened his eyes when he heard me approaching. "All set?" he asked, somewhat cautiously.

"Yeah…I'm all done."

"Are you…okay?"

"I'm fine. Mind if I take this as a souvenir?"

Ed grinned as he noticed the helmet tucked under my arm. "Certainly! I think we can fit him in a suitcase, no problem!"

"_It's_ not a person Ed," I said dully, "It's just a stupid helmet."

He looked a little hurt. I didn't mean for the words to sting so much, but I wasn't in the best of moods.

"Oh…okay. Sorry," he said.

"Let's just hurry up and get out of here. This place is giving me the creeps."

We continued down the path without another word. A constraining feeling built up in my throat with each step we took away from that place, with all the dark and dead things still crooning in my ears. I roughly rubbed my sleeve over my eyes, trying not to look like a baby in front of Brother.

But Ed just looked ahead, pretending not to notice. I knew he understood.

* * *

"Ed." 

"Yes Al."

"You know, we haven't been here in a while."

"I know Al."

"And "in a while" means almost four months."

"I know Al."

"Do you suppose she'll be mad?"

"Most likely."

"What do think she'll do?"

"Beat us up, per usual."

"Aww, I don't want to get beaten up!"

"Piff, get some backbone Al. She's just a girl, how scary can she be?"

"…"

"Ed?"

"Yes?"

"Girls _are_ scary."

We quaked in our boots. I knew we were both thinking of Teacher. And Pinako of course. And Riza. Oh, and Lieutenant Ross. And Lyra, can't forget her. Sheesh, even Scieska was pretty freaky sometimes. And also…ah, never mind, you get my point.

"Well, we might as well face it like men. Hurry up and knock on the door Al!"

"Me! Why don't you do it?"

"You're the one who wanted to come here in the first place, remember?"

"Fine fine!"

I grumbled and reached out to give two solid knocks on the door.

Nothing.

"Maybe she's not home."

"Maybe you didn't knock hard enough."

I rapped again on the door, a little louder this time.

We finally heard footsteps approaching from inside at a rapid pace, accompanied by dull mutterings. The door swung open and a feminine voice called, "Goodness, for the last time we're clos-!"

Winry stopped dead in her tracks. She stared, her mouth fell open. I felt like I needed to say something.

"Um…hey Winry. Long time no see."

"_Al?"_ she asked in shock.

She snapped out of her daze and catapulted herself at me, "_ALLL!"_ she cried.

Before I could react she crushed her arms around me tight enough to bruise my ribs. Jeeze she was strong! She started babbling things like, "You're alive! I mean, you're here! You're back!"

She began sobbing into my shirt. "I'm so happy!" she wept.

I laughed softly down at her. "Glad to hear that Winry, we've missed you…um, but you're kind of…"

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She quickly released me from her vice grip. I could breathe again.

"How did, I mean, when did this happen?" Her voice was excited and out of breath.

"Not too long ago…only about two weeks."

"Two weeks? Wow! That's-" her voice suddenly turned evil, "Two _weeks?"_

She whirled around. "Edward, are you telling me it took you two _weeks_ to tell me Al was back? Two? One is bad enough! Heck, a day is too long to wait! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Ed tried to put up a defense. "Come on Winry! I was a little _preoccupied_ to say the least."

"You could have at least thought of me!"

"I forgot!"

"_Forgot?"_

"Well yeah! I was too worried about Al!"

"That's sweet Ed…but I can't _believe_ you _forgot_ me!"

"Sorry!"

"Sorry? Sorry! You are always so _considerate_ aren't you! What if I were to-"

…and they're off.

I swear, Ed argues with Winry more than he does me.

Aunt Pinako finally came down to see what all the hubbub was about. She looked out the door, took a look at me, scanned me up and down, then took out her pipe and began puffing like mad.

"I'm not even going to ask," she said blandly.

"Nice to see you too Aunty."

"Al!" Winry piped, tugging on my shoulder, her argument with Ed over as she had probably clocked him over the head with some inanimate object, "Come inside!" she continued, "You have to tell me _everything_, right from the beginning! All the details on how you came back, come on!"

"Sure Winry." This was bad. What was I suppose to tell her? I gave a quick glance at brother; he shook his head and made a slicing motion across his neck. "Um…but first can we get settled in a bit?" I asked. "We're both pretty tired."

"Fine fine, but can you at least tell me-"

She chatted more and tugged me through the door. I allowed myself to be dragged along, Brother in tow behind me.

* * *

Despite Winry's persistent inquisition, Ed's constant glares for me to keep my mouth shut, and Aunt Pinako's stares with added smell of tobacco, I finally was able to escape my insane entourage when Winry started nagging Ed for scratching up his auto-mail (for the hundredth time I would imagine.) I snuck into the guest bedroom and claimed the bed closest to the window. I buried under the pillows and sighed. 

Winry's reaction had been…unexpected, perhaps a little too friendly for my taste. Goodness, I stiffened up like a board when she hugged me. And I've know her since we were kids! And how in the world am I going to explain any of this to her?

Hmm…

On another note, the only reason Winry and Aunt Pinako recognized me, it was because they knew what I looked like as a child right? But, everyone else I've met since then, they won't know who I am at all. I'll be a complete stranger, unless they can "guess" who I am because Brother and I look alike.

Isn't that weird? No one's going to know me…

A rampage of footsteps followed a slam of the bedroom door woke me up from my meditative state. I dug out from the bed and glanced up; I assumed Ed had just escaped a close encounter with Winry's fist. Again.

"Phew…that was close…" See?

"I swear, Winry is acting completely bizarre today! She's a total nutcase! First she starts sobbing about something like we don't _trust_ her enough, we have too many _secrets_ that we won't tell her," he was doing a poor impression of her voice, "then she starts nagging about my arm again, blah blah blah, _then_ she gets all giddy and says she's going to make a special dinner for us-"

My ears perked up. "Dinner?"

"Yeah, then she gets all huffy again and kicks me out of the kitchen!"

He glanced toward the door then leaned down close to me and whispered, "I think she might be having her monthly _spazz_ if you know what I mean."

"_Edward!" _I hissed, "That's not nice!"

He threw up his arms in defense. "I'm just saying!"

I burrowed under the covers again. "Just don't say it in front of her. She just might kill you for real."

He huffed and I heard a clicking noise, I assumed he was starting to unpack the suitcase.

"Heh, you know you seem awfully comfortable down there Al."

I smiled. "I am. Don't bother me."

"Does that mean you're not going to help me unpack? Most of these are your things you know…"

"You can unpack for once Ed."

I could practically _hear_ him rolling his eyes.

"Knock knock!" came a cheerful voice from the door.

Winry poked her head inside, "Dinner's almost ready guys! You'd better go get cleaned up!"

Ah…food. Real food.

I don't mean to sound sexist, but men can't cook as well as women. 'Tis just a fact of nature. And, no offense to Brother either, but I don't think I could've survived another week of his "culinary skills."

* * *

Dinner was delicious, just as I had expected. 

The entire conversation revolved around the ping-pong match of Winry and Ed, bantering back and forth about us over the past two weeks. Winry had quickly given up trying to get any information out of me, but she wasn't having much luck with Ed either.

I felt a little sorry for her though, she does worry about us a lot. She's like our big sister in a lot of ways, you know? And we won't, well, more like "_can't_," tell her half the things we get ourselves into. I mean, Winry would loose it if we told her what really happened. Can you imagine what her reaction would be if we told her I _died?_

I could tell she was getting fed up. Finally, she stood up so hard that a few plates fell and crashed to the ground. Everyone looked startled, then she yelled, "He may be your little brother, but he's my friend too! I wish you would _tell_ me things once in a while! I worry about him just as much as you do Ed, you…inconsiderate…_little_ jerk!"

I kinda blushed when she said all this, did she really mean all that?

Ed looked like he was about to explode (from the "little" comment I'm sure.) Winry loudly stormed off and we heard the slam of her bedroom door.

Aunt Pinako sighed and stood up as well. "She's just a little upset, as you can probably tell. This has been a huge shock for her, for both of us, but she'll calm down in a little while. Until then I suggest you give her space."

I nodded my head. "Of course. Tell her we're sorry, okay?"

"_We're?_" Ed scoffed.

I glared at him. "Yes, _we're_ both sorry."

"I'll do that. Oh, and would you two mind fixing those plates whith your alchemy? It'll be cheaper than getting new ones. And since you're the cause of all this mess, you can clean up the kitchen while you're at it."

She hobbled out before we could argue back.

* * *

Ed escaped kitchen duty when he got a phone call from, what I assumed was, the military. Mustang to be specific. He slapped the plates back together and scampered off to take his "important" message. That left me to pick up all the mess. Typical. 

I did notice something peculiar when I was washing up the dishes. Some of them, more specifically the ones that Ed had just fixed, were still cracked. And when I picked one up to inspect it, I'll be darned if the stupid thing didn't shatter in my hand! This was extremely odd, especially since Ed was never one to be lazy at his alchemy. Come to think of it, is it even _possible _for him to be lazy at his alchemy?

Ah, why am I so worried? He was probably in a hurry and got careless.

I took out the chalk that always lived in my pocket and scribbled a circle on the counter. The plates sprang back together without a problem.

* * *

A soft breeze escaped in from an open window. There was a strange scent to it that tickled my nose, it seemed familiar... 

_Hmm…it's going to rain tonight._

_

* * *

_

"You need to go out _again_? That's what, the _third_ time in the past week?"

"You know the Military! And besides, I'm trying to get as much work done as I can. That way I'm in a good position to get an easier job."

"Can't you take a vacation or something?"

"A vacation? Hah! You're kidding right? Like that slave driver I have to call _Brigadier General _would even _dare_ to let me have a break."

"You never know, he might…wait, Mustang is a Brigadier General now? He got promoted? When?"

"I dunno. Only a few days ago I think. Damn, that jerk is going to get to boss me around twice as much now."

I sighed. "You and the Col…um, I mean you and Roy really don't get along do you?"

"Nope."

"What's up with the bitter rivalry thing anyway?"

"Hn, we don't see eye to eye on many things."

"You should _try_ to find some common ground then. You know Ed, at the rate things are going you'll probably end up calling him "Fuhrer" one day."

"Ack, I don't even want to _think _about that!"

_So stubborn…_Those two were alike in so many ways, more than either of them would ever admit.

"Anyway, I'll be back late so tell Winry and Pinako not to wait up. Heh, maybe this is a good thing since she's probably still pissed at me. And hey, if all goes well, I might have a surprise for you tomorrow…"

I perked up "A surprise?"

"Yep. If you go to sleep before I come home, I'll see you tomorrow morning okay?"

"Okay. Bye Ed."

I waved to his retreating back. He was pulling on his red coat and about to head out the door…when something odd and unexpected flew out my mouth.

"Wait!"

He turned around. "What? What is it?"

"Um, uh…I forgot to say…" I flushed, "I love you Brother."

Huh? _Where did that come from!_

He laughed and said, "I love you too, ya sap. Behave yourself now!"

The way Ed said "I love you" I knew was just the "simple" I love you. The unconditional, naturally occurring kind that happens between families and friends all the time. The _common_ one. The _acceptable _one to share between two people of the same blood. That's the way he said his "I love you," and that's what he assumed I said as well.

But why did it feel like I meant something else? Something…more?

* * *

I was in the middle of a dream about the sky being ripped apart when I jumped awake to a blast that shook the house. The books around me clattered to the floor and I cursed my carelessness, some of them were valuable. I must have fallen asleep reading, obviously. I pushed the hair out of my face and looked at the clock, it read almost twelve thirty. 

Ed was still gone as his bed lay empty beside me. I hurried over and pulled back the curtains, a pitch black sky greeted me. There was a huge thunderstorm brewing outside, beautiful and terrifying at the same time. _Told you it was going to rain._

The water started falling and I felt my head turn hazy.

I couldn't explain it even if I tried. It was like the rain was, well, _seducing _me for lack of a better word. Before I knew it, I was creeping downstairs, quietly as to not disturb Aunty and Winry, and opened the front door. A blast of spray hit me in the face, stinging my eyes and nose.

I snuck out from the protection of the front porch and the waterfall cascaded on my head. I shivered from the cold…I hated the cold, but I still pressed onward. I trudged out a ways from the house and sat down, the muddy ground squishing beneath me. The wind roared around my ears and the water bit at my face, but all I really noticed was how _dark _the sky was…

I could have stayed out there until I drowned, or caught pneumonia or something. I was mesmerized, but fate apparently had other plans.

I noticed, between all the fog and water and blinding flashes of electricity, a red dot sprinting in from the horizon. It was coming pretty quickly, and upon further squinting I could make out some blond.

Ed, of course. He must have gotten caught in the storm while he was heading back.

He was running like mad, clutching his coat over his head, trying to weave in and out of the droplets with little success. Then he halted a few yards from where I sat, and an angry scowl flew across his face as he dashed over to me.

"AL!" he yelled as he ran, "What are you _doing_ out here? It's pouring!"

"I know, I'm sorry Brother."

"Don't apologize, just get inside! You're going to get sick!" He tried to tug me upward, but I remained firmly planted to the ground.

"You can go inside if you want to Ed. But I'm staying."

"Why!"

I smiled, "Because it's nice."

A large streak of lightning whipped across the sky, closely followed by a boom that made Ed jump.

"_Nice?_"

"Yes, nice."

He scowled even more and glanced longingly toward the dry indoors.

"Argh, why do you have to be so _weird..."_ he groaned.

He stretched out his coat like a tent so it covered both of us.

"At least get under here while you watch the stupid storm! And you say I'm stubborn…"

I couldn't hide my surprise as he sat down next to me, elevating his coat so I didn't get completely soaked. Brother can be really sweet sometimes, and he doesn't even realize it.

Neither of said anything for a while. In the end the coat didn't help much, and the water was starting to seep through the fabric. Even with Ed right there next to me, I was starting to get really, _really_ cold. Freezing cold. I despise the cold. Stupid…_exquisite _storm.

Then it all stopped.

The dark clouds cleared away before I could blink, and the water halted to a slow sprinkle. The moon and stars came out again, and I could finally see.

I starred blankly ahead. "You've ruined my rainstorm Brother."

"Eh? Me!"

"It was going fine until you showed up."

He flung his arms in the air. "I give _up_! There's no pleasing you, is there? I'm going inside, _now_, and you're coming with me! Move it!"

"Yes Brother…" I couldn't help but grin.

* * *

Miraculously, we weren't caught by Pinako as we skulked back inside. We hurriedly wrung out our clothes and set them over the fire to dry, for Aunty would be suspicious if she discovered out still-damp attire in the morning. 

We grabbed some blankets from the closet and sat near the fireplace, nestled together in a comfortable proximity. That, of course, meant close enough to keep warm, not close enough to be considered risqué. Then all we could do was wait for everything to dry. I was starting to get pretty sleepy only after a few minutes, but poor Ed, he was so tired he fell asleep still sitting up. He must be really working hard.

I'm not sure what it was…

But something about the firelight, and the smell of rain, and that look of almost innocence, and the last traces of water still dripping from his bangs and hair...made him look…_exquisite_ too.

* * *

I think I'm in love with my Brother.

* * *

Heee, you thought I was going to leave it on that "exquisite" note, didn't you? But I decided to throw in "that" at the last minute! GO AL! 

I have noooo idea when the next chapter will be here. Sorry…

-ATA


	5. Deray

I had much fun writing this chapter. Yes…

I saw "Brokeback Mountain" a few days ago. OH. MY. GOD. It was soooo good, loved every second, wish I had brought some tissues though…neeee, go see it now!

Deray means confusion, by the way.

To my lovely reviewers…

Reigning Fyre: Thank you!

Full Metal Andy: Hehe, I liked your choice of words. Converted…buhaha! Anyway, Al can't touch his blood seal for more or less the same reason why he couldn't before. If it's bumped, scraped, or something of the like, he could die. And Ed's alchemy slip-up? More will be discussed later…

Neo-Alphonse Elric: Yay you got an account! Thank you!

trixxykitty: _Finally_ got this one finished, thanks for the support!

Al-luvs-kittens: More romance in this I promise. Only few more chapter and it will turn into mega-romance, yay!

lovergal1227: Thank you!

AkaiMurasaki: Such wonderful enthusiasm! Glad you like!

Dragon Fairies: Oh…I see now! Hah, silly me.

One last quick note: I need names for kitties! I can't think of a thing! A male kitty name is what I need! Please help?

* * *

There is a word for two people related, in part or all by blood, who share an intimate relationship. 

_Incest_.

This word is not a good word. It isn't clean, it isn't common, and it certainly isn't well regarded. It's a _bad_ word, describing a _bad_ thing, a forbidden thing, a verboten thing. In short, it's taboo.

Hnn, try telling all that to my love struck heart.

Its bad enough Ed and I are _very_ closely related, but what makes it even worse is that we're both _guys._ Twice the sin for the price of one. I'm not saying it would be much better if he was my sister, but if there is something worse than male incest, _please _tell me now.

Ah…this is…so _wrong_. How did this _happen_? There's a stupid, constraining feeling in my stomach that's ripping me to pieces, and my heart feels all mushy, and don't get me started on the state of my conscience. I can't even think straight! Not to mention all the inappropriate things I keep thinking…about _him_. Pinning him down, tying him arms, kissing him so roughly I leave bruises. Uhh, so _wrong!_

But what can I do? I can't help these things, I'm a fourteen year-old boy and have _no_ control over my stupid, senseless raging desires.

What can I _do?_ Say "screw society!" and love whom I please? Bury this thing completely? Fling myself into church and ask for forgiveness? Or a more logical action, fling myself in front of Brother and _beg_ for forgiveness? Or pardon? Or _something_?

But then I have no idea what he would do if I told him this. Probably, knowing him, either kill me or cut off all relations. I don't know which one would be worse.

Oh…this is so _confusing_. I…I love him. I love him so much that it _hurts_. I want him…I _need_ him, and I can't do a thing about it. I'm already addicted to his touch, shunning away everyone else's, he's the only source of comfort I have. So what next? Will I eventually become so attached that without him I would lose my sanity? And what if…he falls in love with someone else? I don't think I could take that, not at all.

I wonder, when did they start? These…feelings?

Only a few days ago? Since my return? When I was sill metal? _Before_ that, when I was young, and on some subconscious level had always loved my brother?

Come to think of it…

Back when we were just boys, when Mom was still alive, she one day decided to sit us down and try to explain the basics of marriage. There were a lot of things we didn't understand, but we got the gist, that is, when a boy and girl love each other enough they go through a ceremony that binds them together. Something like that.

Then she asked us what kind of girl we would like to marry when we grew up.

Ed had an answer right away. He started bragging about how _he_ was going to get married before me, probably to Winry, no, someone even _prettier_, and it would be the best marriage ever, so on and so forth.

While he was parading around the room making his future plans, Mom asked me the same question. I puzzled really hard for a while, then said…

"I can just marry Brother! That way I don't have to make up my mind!"

Mom laughed and thought it was the sweetest thing she had ever heard. She patted my head and sent me off to play outside.

I guess she thought I was just being cute.

Ha…

Anyway, I guess overall it's too hard to pinpoint the exact time period. How about we make it easy on ourselves and say _a very long time._ Forever even.

I'm…strange. Aren't I?

When will this _stop_, when can I finally be normal? Why can't I just be ordinary, boring Alphonse, not weird Alphonse with mild cases of chiraptophobia and cheimatophobia with a crush on his older brother.

I could've fallen in love with anyone I wanted too, any person I chose, and it had to be _him_.

Why…did we have to be born as brothers?

I love him too much…

I love him too much…

* * *

__

Nn… 

_Hmm? What happened…? Did I fall asleep?_

My consciousness was hovering somewhere between sleep and reality, making it hard to tell what was real and what my mind was dreaming up. I didn't even know where I was. But, I could tell that there was a sweet something humming in my ears, a simple tune that awoke a pleasant sort of nostalgia. Someone was running their fingers through my hair, which normally I would protest, but this felt so nice I didn't complain. I was using something rather uncomfortable for a pillow, but other than that it was so _warm _around me.

I considered falling back asleep right then and there, but then I heard a voice say from above me, "Hey, you're awake. Looks like we both fell asleep. Hn, you goofball, I woke up and found you sacked out on my leg. I can't feel anything from the knee down."

"Sorry…Brother…" I was still too sleepy to form any complicated sentences, so I left it at that.

"It's fine. I didn't have the heart to move you anyway, you looked too adorable down there."

"Don't…tease me…"

"I'm not," he whispered, "Go back to sleep now, okay?"

"What about Aunty, won't she find us here?"

"I'll take care of it. Don't worry, I can easily hide something from that old hag. Now sleep."

"Mmm hmm…"

_Brother's being so nice to me…it's kinda strange, but I could definitely get used to this side of him…_

I felt him shift beneath me and at first I thought he was going to leave. But then I felt his fingers rustle my hair again, and he leaned down a little way, close enough that his breath tickled my ear.

Then, I think this is what happened…he knelt even closer, I caught a murmur of my name on his lips, then he carefully, gently, placed a _tiny_ innocent kiss on my forehead. My face got hot and I saw stars behind my closed eyes.

He quietly got up and left.

* * *

Why does he do this to me? 

Why does he have to toy around with me like that?

Why does he have to be so…_caring_?

Can't he be the typical older sibling and treat me like an annoying pest? Oh no, he has to do something completely _lovely_ and turn me into a mess.

Darn him…

You see what I have to deal with?

_Stop being so wonderful!_

_

* * *

_

When I woke up again, all flushed and in my own bed, he was gone.

I felt a little…dizzy, but that could be expected now couldn't it? But, did all that really happen? Or are my dreams playing tricks on me?

No, no…that had to have been real. And if that's true, then what he just did, wouldn't that, you know, be considered a little _too_ nice-acting between brothers? Is it possible he might have…_something_ for me? Or was he just being bothersome? I don't know…

Maybe, I could just ask him, if I find the nerve to. But I need to find him first.

I pulled on some clothes and hurried out of the room, looking around. He wasn't in the hallway.

In the kitchen? No. Study? No. Upstairs? No?

I was starting to get worried. Where could he be? In my frantic search, I almost ran over Aunt Pinako when I was looking for him in the living room.

"Ah! I'm so sorry Aunty!" I said. I was about to dash off again but she blockaded my path.

"Hold it Alphonse, I need to talk to you about something."

"I'm a little busy," I said desperately, "Can't it wait?"

"No. Sit."

I decided not to argue with her. I obediently sat down on the sofa and she did the same.

"Let me get straight to the point, I can see you're in a hurry."

I twiddled my thumbs and did my best to concentrate.

"Alphonse," she began, "I understand that the last few days have been very stressful for you and your Brother, you must have been through a lot, even if you choose not to get into many details with us. So I assume you two really haven't had time to think about the future correct?"

"Um…I guess not. But what does that have to do-"

"Let me finish. All I'm saying is that you need to start thinking about what _you_, in particular, are going to do with the rest of your life."

"I don't understand."

She sighed. "Let me put it this way, as much as Ed loves you, he won't always be around to support you. He has his own lifestyle and way of getting things done, and with the military involved his future is pretty much set in stone. Someday you'll have to start pulling your own weight, make your own way in the world. Do you know what I'm saying?"

I fidgeted. "I do, and I have thought about that Aunty…but, I don't know what I'm really good at yet. Alchemy I guess, but besides the military or research there isn't much else I can pursue with that. But, I mean, I'm only fourteen…"

"I know I know, you are still very young and I'm not trying to rush you. I just have your best interests in mind." Her lecture concluded rather awkwardly, then she stood up to leave, but not before she affectionately reached out to pat my hand.

And then, _of_ course, I _had_ to flinch away at the last second. I could've gotten off scot-free and I blew it. Now she's going to be worried again…

"Hrmm," she said, with…amusement? "I can see you don't like any affection from your old Aunt Pinako…"

"No!" I quickly said, "I mean, it's not you Aunty, it's just a…bad habit. I don't…really like being held by _anyone_…" My voice trailed off.

She laughed, "A habit hm? Well that didn't stop you from getting all snuggly with Edward last night."

I blushed, "Hu, huh? How did you…?"

"You don't give me enough credit, Al. I've known you two long enough to realize when you're hiding something. And no, I'm not mad. Although I have no idea why you were out in that rainstorm in the first place…"

"It's hard to explain…and, um, Ed, see he's…well…"

"You don't have to justify yourself, I was just poking fun," she laughed again, "You know what Al? I think you'll be just fine. Heh, your only job now I suppose is taking care of that Brother of yours. Making sure he doesn't get himself into too much trouble."

I grinned, "Yep, that's a full time job Aunty."

"Yes yes…I really shouldn't worry so much. Now off you go."

"Thanks Aunty," _Finally…now on with my search._

"Oh wait," I froze in my tracks, "before I forget, Winry and I have a very important client coming later today, and I would appreciate if you boys could give us a hand cleaning up the place. Not too many things, just a few chores that need to be done. Ed's already outside working, why don't you join him? He could probably use some help…" She was grinning mischievously at this point.

"Um, okay. No problem."

She kept starring at me with that strange smile until I left to go outside. Hm, interesting…at least I found out where Ed was.

"_I've known you two long enough to realize when you're hiding something…"_

Huh, I wonder, what _did _she mean by that?

* * *

I was completely exhausted. 

"A few chores that needed to be done," she said. Ha!

This is the list of things I did today, in total. I washed the laundry, dried the laundry, cleaned the kitchen (again,) dusted the living room, washed the windows, weeded the entire garden, repainted the front door, gave Den a bath _and_ polished all the equipment! _I am not a maid darn it!_

My ever-so-helpful Ed didn't know a clothespin from a garden spade, so I sent him to do the easiest task: watering the plants.

But then it turned out he couldn't even do that right. He splashed around the water too much and almost flooded all the flowers, not to mention getting himself completely soaked in the process. I rescued him from his misery by saying I would fix up everything, and why don't you go inside and get cleaned up Brother? But I'll be darned if that jerk didn't completely ditch me without as much as a thank you! And I didn't even get a chance to ask him about last night…

I found myself sighing aloud. That couldn't possibly be the same, sweet Ed from the night before, no way! I guess I'll never understand him…

When everything was finally over and done, I dragged myself back inside and found I just wanted to rest. Maybe pretend everything was normal for a few hours.

Apparently I couldn't even do that. The voices of Ed and Winry were coming from the guest room, obviously I couldn't go in there.

I gulped. Wait, what did _they_ need their privacy for?

Hmm…wait, as I got closer and the voices got clearer…where they arguing? _Again?_ What could they possibly have left to fight about?

I know eavesdropping isn't the most admirable pastime, but I went against my better morals and pressed my ear to the door.

"-is _disgusting_! How could you even think something like that? That's…I mean it's _wrong_!"

Winry's voice. Wow, she sounded really mad. What had Ed done now?

"Well _thanks_ for being so supportive Winry!"

Ed's voice. Heavily sarcastic.

"Well what do you want me to say! That it's _okay?"_

"I don't know! Jeeze, you think I can help this!"

"_Yes!_ For god sakes Edward! I mean, he-"

"Don't **even** start with that. I know, for the last time I know!"

There was a brief pause. I still didn't have a clue about what they were arguing about. A person? Maybe.

"I'm going to have to tell. You know that right."

"You wouldn't _dare_." Ed's icy voice made my skin crawl.

"Of course I'm going to! And don't you try and stop me either!"

Ed called Winry a name I would rather not repeat, then I hear some more angry shouts followed by the sound of a hand striking across a face.

I'm not sure what it was, instinct most likely, but I ducked out of sight when the door flew open. An extremely mad looking Winry stomped out, her face as red as a strawberry. Scary…

When she turned the corner I snuck into the room to find an equally angry Ed, with an equally red face, nursing his cheek.

"Brother!" I hissed when I entered. He looked up in surprise, he hadn't know I was listening in. "What is your problem!"

"Al?" he asked, puzzled, "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago, but what does that matter? What were you two fighting about that led to," I motioned to his face, "this! Oh, hold on…"

I ran to the sink and ran some cold water on a cloth. I pressed it to his face and he continued, "It was just a stupid argument, nothing to be so excited about."

"Don't give me that pitiful excuse. You two argue a lot sure, but it's never ended like this! And Winry's never had to slap you before either."

He scowled. "It's none of you business," he said.

I sighed. "Fine fine, I just wanted to help."

He flopped back on the bed and said, "I don't have enough will to argue with you too Al, so I'm sorry okay?"

I folded my arms. At least he said he was sorry about something.

"So," I said, "Are you going to apologize to her?"

"Hell no."

"Why not! You know she could kick us out of here anytime she wanted. I don't want to grovel at her feet for _your_ mistake. Just make peace so we don't have to sleep outside, okay?"

Ed slowly rose back up, like an idea was forming in his mind.

"Naw, she won't kick us out," he said.

"Because you're going to say you're sorry?"

"No…because we're _leaving!"_

He leapt up and grabbed the suitcase and started throwing all our things in.

"Wha…_leaving_? Why!"

"Because I can't stand it here another second!"

"But, but, where will we go? Isn't this a little rash?" I was starting to panic, he was really serious! "Brother, we don't have much money, the nearest inn is five miles away, we would have to walk there anyway, and what about Aunty, and what if…Ed are you listening to me!"

He glanced up from his rapid gathering, "Huh?"

I slumped, "When are we leaving?"

"Right now!" he said cheerfully. He grabbed the suitcase and ducked out the door, "Come on slow poke!" he called.

I gave up trying to reason with him. I grabbed my old helmet and dashed after him before he got too far ahead.

* * *

I'm starting to think my Brother is leading me down a road…to absolutely nothing. 

There were miles and miles of nothing but vegetation and the occasional house behind us, and there was nothing but road up ahead. It was like the scenery was repeating itself, there was nothing out here! Where in the world is he going?

After we passed what I counted as only the fourth house since we left the Rockbells, I got fed up and was about to tell Brother I was going back.

To my utmost surprise though, he veered off in the direction of said house, unlatched the fence and started going toward the door.

He's finally lost it. "Ed! Where are you going?" I yelled.

He didn't reply and scampered up the walk, inspecting the front as he went. It was a pretty little place I'll admit, but was it really worth trespassing to look at?

"Brother! You're going to get shot! Get out of there!"

"Will you hush up and come over here? I want to show you something."

"Oh for the…fine!"

I warily crept up the brick walkway, of a house that _wasn't mine_, to where Brother stood, right next to the door. I must have been going too slow, for Ed snagged my wrist and pulled me up next to him.

"What if these people are home!" I asked, "Won't they wonder what two strangers are doing on their lawn? We can't go and frolic in someone else's garden any time we please, this isn't our house!"

He grinned playfully. "Says who?" he asked.

"Says…what?"

He pointed to small sign next to the door, silver and engraved, which read quite clearly in bold fancy cursive writing:

_Elric Brother's Residence_.

* * *

"Brother…you bought us…a house?" 

"Yup."

"When did you…?"

"Oh, I'd say the planning started about a week back. But I officially bought it just three days ago."

"How? You couldn't afford this…"

"I've been saving up!" he said proudly, "Half my paycheck has been going straight into the bank for the past five months!"

"But…_why?_"

"Why? So we would have a place to live silly! It's close to Winry and Pinako, it's in our home town, and it's semi-near the train station so we can get to Central quickly as well. Plus there are _no_ annoying neighbors! Now, are you going to keep gawking and asking stupid questions or are you going to go inside?"

I frowned. "Just one more stupid question Brother. _Why didn't you tell me!"_

He ducked my swinging fist and said, "I wanted it to be a surprise! Why do think I've been so secretive, with all the "mysterious" phone calls and whatnot? This is all for you, I know how much you wanted your own home! Remember? Yeesh…"

I was stunned. "For me? Brother…I don't know what to say."

He grinned. "Hmm, how 'bout "thank you my dear, brave, charming older brother for getting me this lovely gift which I-"

"Okay okay, thank you very much."

"No problem. Now would you like to go in and see our house?"

I smiled. "I'd _love_ to."

He opened the door and made a flourishing gesture for me to enter. "After you my dear Alphonse," he said in a teasing voice.

I laughed and said, "Why thank you my dear Edward."

I stepped inside to what I assumed was the living room, or kitchen, maybe both. It was sparsely decorated I'll admit, only the bare minimum of furniture, but the room was well lit with an abundance of windows. There was a small corridor across from where I was standing with two doors adjacent to each other, and then to the far left there was another door which lead to yet another room, so I assumed.

"I'm sorry it isn't very big," Ed began, "I couldn't get a whole lot with my salary, but hey, it's got all the basic necessities. And I couldn't believe how expensive furniture is, so I couldn't get more then a few things, but I did get manage to scrape up an icebox. The windows are kinda small but…"

"Ed, you don't have to apologize so much. I adore it, really, it's so nice and cozy."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

I nodded my head. "Definitely."

He beamed. I could tell he was pleased.

"Good! Hey, I'll be right back okay? I need to see if I can get the electricity working, get some more light in here. Don't just stand there, look around!" He disappeared out the front.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and moseyed about, but there wasn't much else to look at really. There weren't many ornaments to the place, and the two doors in the hallway turned out to be only the bathroom and bedroom. With _two_ beds I might add, but it was a small room so they were smashed up pretty close…

I loved the whole place just the same though, who cares if it wasn't all decorated? It was our house, _ours_, we could do whatever we wanted with it. It was home. Ah…how nice to be able to say we have a real home again, not just go jumping from hotel to hotel or some kind stranger's house...

"Hey, Al! Come on, you still haven't seen the best part about this place," Brother was calling from inside the mystery door near the front. I looked inside and saw a winding staircase deep into the ground. A basement. What was so great about a basement?

I followed Brother down the stairway and finally got to an extremely dark, extremely large underground room.

"Thought I fixed this…" Ed cursed while he fiddled with the lights, "There!"

The room quickly brightened, revealing a _huge_ cavern, with a desk and chairs, and papers already scattered around…

And the books. There were _tons_ of them.

There were cases and cases of them lined up neatly along the walls, hundreds. Excited, I eagerly started grabbing some off the shelves and thumbing through them. Some were really rare books, and all were on science or alchemy or something of the like.

"How did you get such a collection Brother?" I asked in awe.

He grinned, "Lots of searching, I'll tell you that. Plus Scieska owed me a few favors, so I got to steal some from her stash."

"I bet she wasn't too happy about that."

"No she wasn't…hm, hey Al, sit down for a sec."

"What is it?" I asked, pulling up a chair.

"Well…you know all those extra hours I've been putting in? For the military? All my hard work is starting to finally pay off. See, Mustang pulled a few strings for me and I got myself an "easier" job, you know, research and all, lots of paperwork, that kind of thing."

"That's wonderful Brother! Where will you be working?"

He grinned, "Right here! I'll be receiving all my assignments by mail, I do my work, I send it back, nice fat paycheck. Easy…"

I frowned, he didn't look happy at all. "Ed? Why do you look so depressed then?"

"The thing is…um, it won't exactly be quick work. I'll be locked up in here for the better part of the day trying to get everything finished in time. I'm sure the load will get easier as time goes by but…I won't get to see you very much during the day."

He looked a little uneasy. "I just want to make sure you're okay with that. Especially since the reason I bought this house was so we could spend more time together…"

I was touched. "Brother, that's really thoughtful, but I'm fine with it really. I know how hard you work."

"You won't be bored?"

"Ah, I'll take up a new hobby or something! I'm glad you're thinking about me, but don't act like we'll be miles away. You'll be right downstairs if I need you, right?"

"I guess so… Heh, I shouldn't worry so much! Come on, I want to show you around outside! There's a river out back a ways, oh! And the garden is huge and…"

I just smiled and nodded as he went on about our surroundings. His eyes were lit up and he couldn't stop smiling, I could tell he was excited. He looked really…happy. Which is something to say about Ed, I'll tell you.

Well, if he's happy, I'm happy. This lifestyle will suit us well, I think.

Just him…and I.

Together.

All alone…

* * *

Nehehe, who says Al can't have suggestive thoughts once in a while? Oh, and those two phobias listed at the top? Fear of being touched and then the fear of being cold. There are such things. 

Cheers, ATA


	6. Cacophony

Hehe…you're probably wonder we're I've been these many weeks yes…? Before you hurdle things at me I have an excuse! See, I was almost done with the original chapter when my computer got sick and everything I didn't have backed up was lost! So, needless to say, chapter six was not backed up. (GRR) So I spent many a frustrated nights trying to remember all that I had written. Very annoying. But here it is! And it's my longest chapter so far! I didn't have as much time as I would have liked in editing and whatnot, so forgive if it doesn't "flow" as nicely. Sorry…

To my reviewers… (All 22 of you! Whoot!)

Shizu Kuwabara: Phobias are crazy, aren't they? I'm sure you already know this, but there's a phobia where you're afraid of phobias. Straaange people… And yes, probably many errors in here too…(sigh)

Nitroviper: I'm sorry you feel that way about the house, but I can understand where you're coming from…I do fall back on clichés a little too much. And the sex thing? Haven't fully decided, but if it does happen will be waaay at the end. I hope you'll keep giving me your suggestions!

Neo-Alphonse Elric: Eee! I love your kitty suggestions! Especially "Anubis" yes yes…I reaaaly like that one… "The system is just fucked up." Oh lord, that was completely laugh-inducing.

Dragon Fairies: Ooohh, I like you're kitty names as well…ack now I have to pick! Oh, and your comment about the whole "Al reading a lot and getting into other languages" and so on? Sparked the idea for the starting paragraph of this chapter. Thanks a bunch!

Yuhiru K.A.A.K.J.: It's okay, glad your back, I've missed you! Haven't seen your fic lurking around, I really hope you're still going to continue with it! Hm, vacation spots…eh…probably the Kukai Foundation would be your best bet, but you can always make up a planet!

lin: Permanently on her monthly spazz…(laughs way too much)

Aru is so cute and Ed is so s(exy?): Will there be smut…hmm, depends on what your definition of smut is. Lots of kissing guaranteed! And I plan on doing kinda a "bonus chapter" in Ed POV at the end.

Rowan and Sakura: I keep seeing your cool fics drifting around and I want to read them so badly! Glad I found a fellow "Brokeback Mountain" fan, waaah I loved that movie. Thank you guys soo much!

Koshi Noriko: Aw shucks, thank you!

renkinjutsu24: I read your profile. Veery nice to find a fellow Bush-hater on the net. Conservatives…grrr…

I'm sooo sorry I couldn't write a note to all you great guys, but as I'm writing this I'm kinda pressed for time! I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"It matters not how strait the Gate, 

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul."

William H. Henley.

Ahh…that has always been one of my favorites. Short sweet and to the point, with the added bonus of the vague "defy the Gate" message.

Way back when, reading was one of those rare pleasures I got to partake in when Brother was busy with the military or research or the like. It was a bit difficult at first, I had to learn to hold the book _just_ right, or else my "eyes" couldn't see it. It was very uncomfortable to say the least, but it got the job done. However, now that I've acquired a "self" that is much more…how shall I say, _flexible_, I've been devouring every single printed word I can get my hands on.

It's only been two months since we've settled into our humble abode, but in that time I have successfully completed almost every single one of Brother's alchemy books, nearly cleared out the local library, and have learned a bit of everything from parataxis to pathos. I have learned that cymbocephalici is actually a word, and that my ultima is "phonse." I've even ventured and dabbled in a few other languages to expand my ever-growing list. Can you say "sibnoesos?" (That's ancient Ishbalan for "obsessed" by the way.)

When Brother saw me reading the Textbook of Consultation-Liaison Psychiatry, he sadly shook his head and commented, "Gods Al, you _really_ need a girlfriend."

Without looking up I replied, "I don't want a girlfriend."

"Then get a boyfriend! Or a pet! Or _something!_"

I glared and chunked the book at his head. He left me alone after that.

So I read a lot, I'm man enough to admit it, but what else am I suppose to do when he's locked up in the basement all day long? There are only so many dishes I can clean, only so many walks I can take, but with books it's a never ending line of distraction.

Here, let me give you an example of a typical day.

I usually wake up an hour or so after the sun comes up, take a shower, begin my chores, make my breakfast and put Brother's coffee on, then read.

Ed, on the other hand, usually tumbles out of bed around eleven, ten thirty on a good day, then drags himself to the kitchen for his morning pick me up. At this time if I so much as _breathe_ the wrong way around him, he snaps at me and gets all moody. So I've learned to completely avoid him until he's had at least three solid cups of coffee, each with exactly three spoonfuls of sugar, and then as he starts his fourth he can make polite conversation.

Around noon he begins his daily battle with paperwork, and I don't see him again unless he pops back up for lunch or until the sun goes down. Sometimes I hear an alchemic explosion or two and may poke my head down to make sure he's still alive, but other than that Ed's a complete hermit during the day.

I have to admire him for this though; no matter how tired he his or how late he stays up, always before he goes to bed he sits down in his big comfy chair and spends a little time with me. Sometimes it's only for a few minutes, but he gives me his complete and utter attention. Then we just talk. About what I'm reading, what work he had to do that day, the news I heard on the radio, normal things like that. And as sad as it sounds, it's definitely my favorite part of the day.

That's…it though. I mean, it never gets beyond talking. There's no brushing of fingers, no touching, no holding hands, no playful snuggling or flirting, no kiss goodnight…

I suppose I can't expect much though. You see ever since, you know, that night…when I was sure there was something, _anything_…well, I've never brought it up since. He's never mentioned it either, the whole topic has been virtually undiscussed.

Anyway, after there's nothing else to talk about or we get too tired to continue, we turn in to our respective beds and fall asleep.

Well…let me rephrase that. Ed falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. I, on the other hand, am not so lucky. It takes me one, two, sometimes three hours to slip into slumber. My head just won't turn off, it's really annoying, and I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in almost a week. Needless to say, there's a lot of thinking time in those quiet hours, maybe too much for my own good.

Sometimes…when it's dark outside with no moon overhead and the stars are completely clouded out, I look over at Brother's sleeping silhouette and become filled with this need to go over and curl up next to him. Usually it's so powerful that I actually pull back the covers like I'm really going to go through with it. But it never gets past that, I'm too much of a coward. I lie back down and get angry at myself until I fall into a fitful sleep.

See, that's what I do, when I feel like I'm about to burst. I bury it, deeper and deeper, until I don't feel anything anymore.

It can be…very depressing sometimes.

* * *

The very first letter I wrote using our brand new address was to Aunt Pinako. 

Since Ed and I had up and left without so much as a goodbye, I could only imagine how worried she was. She probably thought we were abducted or kidnapped or some other terror an overly bothered mind thinks.

In my letter I told her where we were, and that we were fine, to come visit us if she wants to, love Al. Two weeks passed and I hadn't heard a thing. They _both_ must still be mad…

When we did get a reply, it was only a package which contained a shiny, silver wrench and this note to Ed:

_Dear Edward,_

_Fix your own arm and leg. _

_Love Winry and Pinako Rockbell_

_

* * *

_

The first time I actually tried to cook something on a stove ended in complete disaster. _Complete_ disaster. The stove caught on fire and I had to beat it out with a frying pan, Ed nearly died laughing. It took the sacrifice of five good hand towels and a ton of soap and bleach, but I finally got all the char-marks off the walls. Since then I've only used alchemy to "cook" all our food. It doesn't taste as good unfortunately, but there's minimal risk of spontaneous combustion.

I've discovered, much to my absolute horror and loathing, that I'm actually a very good housekeeper. Besides cooking. I guess I don't have a choice, if I don't clean up the messes around here then who will? Brother? Hah!

* * *

One particularly cloudy and humid morning, we received some unexpected news. 

It was exactly one week before Brother's birthday, the days were starting to get shorter and colder, and I was outside on the porch reading.

"Hey Al!" Brother called from inside.

I didn't hear him at first. I was far too absorbed in the political ravings of a Mr. Orwell, talking about how our materialistic society would eventually change into a dystopian, that is, an anti-utopia, an intrusively bureaucratized state that-

"_Al! _Will you get in here? Something weird's going on!"

I reluctantly put my book down. The inevitable doom of society would have to wait. "I'm coming…"

I found him intensely concentrating on the evening broadcast of the radio, when I entered he turned it up so I could hear.

"-been proven, it still hasn't stopped the numerous rumors of the Fuhrer's imminent retirement. Some went as far as to say he had already chosen an unknown successor, but just a few days ago it was officially announced that Bradley, will indeed, be stepping down..."

"Bradley's _retiring?"_ I whispered.

"Shh!"

"Solid information is still scarce at this point. Only a few high-ranking members and the Fuhrer's secretary…" A shiver ran down my spine, "seem to know the intimate details, but none were available for comment. In just a few minutes, we'll be hearing the Fuhrer live from Central as he gives us his final speech and announces who will take his place. In other news, the Ishbalan refugee camp has again been-"

Brother turned the volume back down and muttered, "The heck is he doing…"

I cleared my throat. "It's a shame," I offered, "About his leaving I mean. He was a pretty decent guy."

"Decent" yes, but he's still gotten us into a lot of wars during his time. Huh, the pressure was probably too much and he's going to leave his mess for someone else to clean up. But it is still a bit odd for him to leave so suddenly…"

"Can he really just hand down the crown to anyone he chooses?"

"Duh, he's the Fuhrer, he can do whatever he wants! But I've already got a hunch it's that Hakuro guy, he's be clambering for head-of-state ever since he became General."

"I guess so…"

"What? You think it could be someone else?"

"No, forget it. Turn the radio back up, I think they've got Bradley on."

"-past few years have been memorable ones for me," the soon to be ex-Fuhrer stated, "But I'm afraid my time is up. There comes a point in every leader's career when the-"

"Blah blah blah," Ed interrupted, "I _knew_ he would cave in and give some sappy speech about the "greatest years of his life."

"-still believe I've picked out the best man for the job. While he may be young, I have complete confidence in his loyalty, his integrity, and his ability to govern. I remember when I had the honor to dub him a State Alchemist, the Flame Alchemist, he was-"

I didn't need to hear the rest. I knew who the new Fuhrer was, and actually I was relieved. It was a good thing that nothing more important was said, for just as the word "Flame" was being spoken Brother chunked the radio across the room where is smashed against the wall.

* * *

"What is the _matter_ with you! That thing landed an inch away from my head!" 

"_What the heck is Bradley thinking!_ Giving the job of the most powerful man in Amestris, no! The whole friggin continent! To the most _under _qualified procrastinating, witless…sadistic _prick!"_

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?"

"It's _one_ thing to promote him a couple ranks, to Major General maybe, hell even to General! But to be the _Fuhrer?_ No! This country will go to hell in a hand basket!"

"Ed, just because you don't like the man doesn't mean he wouldn't make a good leader. You're being prejudice."

"My _prejudice _has nothing to do with it!"

"Jeeze, what is the matter with you? I for one am grateful that Bradley didn't choose some half-wit from the backwashes of the military to send the country to its doom! Besides, you know how hard Mustang's worked for this!"

He roughly sat down and starred at the floor. "In case you don't remember, Al," he seethed, "the guy you're "grateful" for was the one who sent you off to your _noble_ death, remember?"

"That's not…! Um…hmm…"

…actually he had a point.

"Exactly! You see? Why are you defending him? You never take my side on stuff like this!"

"But," I offered, trying to bounce back, "If you look at it in a different way…"

"Come again?"

"Well, if he had never sent us on that mission, see, I would have never…well, died. But that means I would still be stuck in that armor, right? I would have never gotten my body back. So it's kind of a good thing…in a way."

Ed glanced up with an annoyed look on his face. I thought he was going to start shouting again, but instead he broke into smile and started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Al," he said mid-laughter, "I'm starting to think you're just too damn sweet for your own good. It's impossible for you to find fault with anyone, is there?"

"Nonsense!" I scoffed with a grin equal to his, "I find fault with you all the time."

He glowered. "Hey…"

Now I was laughing and I playfully reached over to mess with his hair. "I'm just teasing Brother. Now get cleaned up, I'm going to make dinner soon okay?"

Before I left for the kitchen I called back, "And fix up my radio while you're at it!"

He stuck out his tongue and went to work picking up the pieces.

* * *

Exactly two days later we got the phone call from someone I hadn't seen in a very long time. 

The phone started ringing just as I was finishing washing the dishes. I wiped off soggy hands on my pants and hurried over to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, is either Alphonse or Edward Elric available?"_

"Yes, this is Alphonse. And you are…?"

"_Captain Riza Hawkeye."_

My voice brightened considerably. "Riza! It's so good to talk to you again! Oh excuse me, _Captain_ Hawkeye, congratulations. How did you find out what our number was?"

"_One of the many…perks of being an advisor to the Fuhrer."_

"I heard, must be exciting."

"_Maybe a little too exciting for my taste. How did your brother take the news?"_

"He took it…well. As well as he could anyway. Half the house is still here."

I managed to get a small chuckle out of her.

"Oh, but I'm rambling and you probably called to talk about something important. Want me to get Brother?"

"_Please."_

I put my hand over the receiver. "Brother!" I yelled, "Phone for you!"

"I'm not here!" he shouted back.

"Oh get in here! It's Riza!"

I heard him grumbling but he still came in and took the phone.

"Hello? Ah…yes, uh huh…yeah he's doing fine…uh huh…oh…" he started to scowl. He waved his arm for me to get lost but I pretended not to understand.

"What? Do I have to? Really? Man…yes…yes…fine…okay I'll be there, but tell him I'm not going to like it. Bye."

"Well?" I asked eagerly.

He put down the phone and cleared his throat. "I've been _cordially _invited," he said, I assumed he was quoting Riza, "To the Fuhrer's _official_ inauguration gathering. But when I say "invited" I mean I have to go or else. I have to wear my uniform and smart up like a good little soldier to shake hands with all the _important_ aristocrats."

"So it's a…party?"

"Yeah…" he said with a dramatic sigh, "She also said I have to bring someone with me to "blend in" better. She called it a…escort? Whatever the heck that means."

"I think it's just a fancy word for date," I said flatly. I instantly regretted adding that, the thought of Ed taking someone on a date gave a sour taste in my mouth.

Ed made a "hmm" noise, looked at me, scratched his head, stared at the phone, then back at me.

"Hey Al," he said suddenly, "You wanna be my date?"

"Wha…what?"

He looked at me blankly and asked again, "Do you…wanna be…my date…for the stupid party thing?"

"I heard you the first time! Why do you want to take me?"

"Who else am I going to take?"

"I don't know…maybe a _girl?_"

"Hah! Girls are too high-maintained! You have to pick her up, meet her parents, buy her dinner, compliment _everything_ about her, girls are way too expensive! And you have to dance with them too! You know I can't dance! You on the other hand, are a much cheaper and easier person."

"Gee thanks…"

"Pleeease? Don't make me go to this dumb thing by myself! It might be fuuuun…"

"But what if someone realizes who I am? The military knows I'm not supposed to have a real body!"

"Then we won't tell them who you are!"

"But I kinda look like you…what if they figure it out anyway?"

"Trust me, none of those guys are _that_ smart."

"But, but, what if someone asks me my name? Will I _lie _about that as well?"

"Sure, if you have to."

I ground my teeth. I was beginning to run out of excuses.

"Ah ha! I don't have anything nice to wear!"

"So? Who cares? If it's that important we can pick you up something when I get my uniform."

"But…but…"

Ed gave me a "you can't win" look and said, "I'm waiting…"

I sighed, "Fine, I'll go."

"YES!" he shouted victoriously, "Alright, I promise you won't regret it! We leave at five on the button, that'll give us plenty of time to get there. Be ready!"

I had a feeling that he didn't care about taking me to the party or not, he just wanted to win the argument. I'll let him get away with it, but just this once.

* * *

The commotion the rickety train made was deafening as it thundered along the track, you had to shout to the person sitting right next to you to be heard, but that noise was _nothing_ compared to the racket Ed was making. 

"That damn tailor made us late! Can you believe the _nerve _of that guy?"

"Brother hold still!"

"We were supposed to be at the mansion fifteen minutes ago! Fifteen! And we're only now getting on the train! This is just wonderful!"

"You be grateful that poor guy didn't kick us out of his shop…"

"Do you know what he said to me? Huh? He said he didn't have any uniforms that were _small_ enough to fit me! Small enough! That bastard! I'm not short dammit, they just make their clothes too big!"

I merely shook my head and continued to try and put his uniform together. Ed had thrown a fit when told he was too tiny to wear any of the standard issue uniforms. After nearly getting us thrown out of the store he bought one two sizes too big for him, completely out of spite. I was desperately trying to bunch up his pant legs so Ed didn't trip over and kill himself. The sleeves were hanging over his hands and he kept having to push them back over his arms.

"Aren't you done yet?" he asked.

"Be patient…ah, there! That should hold for a while. But don't move yet! I still have all these medals and stuff to pin on too."

"Well hurry up!"

I frowned and "accidentally" poked him with a pin. "Hush!" I commanded, "If you bug me I'm not going to move any faster."

Ed glared at me, but he quieted down after that.

As I was pinning up the last badge I said slyly, "You know Brother, despite the fact that its way too big, you do look pretty spiffy in your, ah…_regalia_."

It was true. He looked about three times older and all official-like.

He gave me a toothy grin. "Spiffy eh? Well I guess I can take that as I compliment…you don't look half bad yourself."

I couldn't hide the red in my face. "Thanks…"

"Although," he continued, "I don't see why you have to wear that stupid scarf. Aren't you boiling up under there?"

I blushed even more and yanked the cloth tighter around my neck. "No, I'm not. And this isn't a fashion statement, I just don't want people starring at my…you know…mark."

"Hn, guess that makes sense. Suit yourself." He flopped back onto his seat and yawned. "Although," he continued, "I don't know why you're being so paranoid. So what if someone sees it? They'll probably think it's just a cool tattoo."

I flustered. "You seem awfully calm about this! There will be _State_ Alchemist there, remember? And most will probably know what a blood seal looks like! What if they figure out it's keeping my soul attached? What if they haul me away to do all sorts of weird tests and interrogations and I'm stored away as a specimen in some freaky copy of Lab 5? I couldn't handle that!"

Brother merely opened one of his closed eyes. "Al, I think you are over-reacting. Now chill out and sit down."

I sulked and sat in my seat, making as much noise as possible so he would know I was annoyed.

"C'mon, quit whining, you should be grateful I'm taking you along. You'll get to see Riza in person, and Havoc and Hughes, not to mention the _illustrious _Armstrong Mansion."

"_That's_ where we're going?"

"Yep, should be quite the experience." He leaped up on the seat and started doing a poor parody of the Major flexing his muscles.

"You dare question the might that is _Armstrong?_" he belted out in an overly dramatic voice, "If you continue your mockery I will be forced to destroy you in the most beautiful and artful way of destroying that has been passed down the Armstrong line for one hundred generations! _Feel my wrath!"_ He finished his performance by karate-chopping the back of the train seat. Several people were beginning to stare.

"Brother you're _horrible_!" I said between my laughter.

* * *

The quote "illustrious" Armstrong Mansion, like it's most recent and prestigious sons, was, to be put bluntly, _ginormous._

How ginormouse? You could've parked our _entire_ house in the foyer. Heck, you could've fit our entire bedroom in the gold-laden steam shower! Why do people need so much room?

Anyway, said foyer was empty so we began wandering around trying to find where everyone was.

After unsuccessfully venturing into the kitchen, the dinning room, two closets, and the Major's _sister's_ room (that was awkward) we got to an entrance where we heard voices coming from inside. We figured it was a safe bet, and when we opened the doors I was nearly thrown back from the roar that flew outside.

The place was literally _packed_. Hundreds of people were standing together in close proximity, laughing and talking loudly to be heard above one another. The men were strutting around, wearing starch-stiff collars and drinking brandy while talking about how much money they made last month. The women, the assumed wives or girlfriends or mistresses of these rich gentleman, flounced around in huge gowns that gathered up all the dust on the floor. I did spot a few blue uniforms now and then, but not enough for it to be a comfort.

Suddenly feeling very much out of place, I looked dejectedly down at my scuffed-up shoes and pants with a hole in the pocket, and of course…scarf.

"Brother," I said, "I don't think that I…"

I turned to the spot where he had been standing only to have it occupied by another person, now rudely starring at me. I mumbled out an apology and quickly hurried away, trying to see if I could spot where Ed had disappeared to.

After circling the entire room twice, it became clear I was never going to spot him in this sea of people. It would be difficult finding anyone, but him especially because of his…um…_lack of vertical size_.

I gave up and sat down in a chair, gripping my pant legs tightly. It seemed really hot all of a sudden, maybe a scarf wasn't such a good idea after all. I decided to make the best of it and see if I recognized anyone.

Major Armstrong was easy to spot. He was parading about, bragging about the chandelier hanging in the center to anyone who looked like they would listen. A very red-faced Havoc was drifting around the room, flirting with anything that moved. Denny Block and Maria Ross were doing a strange form of the waltz in the center, that made me smile. I didn't see Riza, or Roy for that matter, and there was no sigh of Hughes either…

"Excuse me." I jumped around to see that a girl had wandered up to where I was sitting.

"Excuse me," she said again, "But would you like to dance?"

I glanced around. "Are you talking to…me?" I asked, perplexed.

"Of course I am!" she said with a giggle, "Who else?"

"Oh! Um, no thank you, I don't dance."

"Then make this a special occasion! Pretty please?"

"No no, I'm sorry, but I can't."

She frowned and said, "Very well, if you insist…"

She was a pretty little thing and I'm sure she wasn't used to being rejected. But she wandered off and found another dance partner quickly enough. _That was certainly strange…_

However, to my horror it didn't stop there. Over the course of the next fifteen minutes exactly _four_ other women asked me to dance. This was ridiculous! I was practically running to all corners of the room to keep avoiding them, but then one started following me and I had to wedge myself in the center to escape. _What gives?_ Did I really look that pathetic? Or are all these women just desperate? Most were twice my age for goodness sakes!

I was about to loose it and bolt out the door, when suddenly I spotted the ex-Fuhrer mingling among the crowd.

He seemed so out of place just standing there without anyone talking to him, but it was a relief to see someone else I recognized. I liked Bradley, always have, he had that kind of easiness that made everyone around him relax and calm down. It was an uncommon trait in most world leaders, but it was also what made him so popular.

I began to maneuver through the crowd to say hello, well, introduce myself would probably be more accurate, anything to get into a conversation where no one would bother me.

When I was halfway to him, something odd happened.

He was casually surveying the room when his eye (he still wore a patch) looked in my direction. I was surrounded by people on all sides so it was difficult to tell who he was really looking at, but I smiled politely and raised my hand to catch his attention.

I could have sworn his eyes locked onto me, his one visible eye opening wide in shock. For a split second his face turned distorted, and a look of _unbelievable_ loathing crossed him. It was one of complete abhorrence, like he had seen something hideous, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

But then it was gone, and he began to smile his easy smile again. It happened so fast I wondered if I had really seen it at all.

All of a sudden I felt nauseous, my stomach had tied itself into knots. All my senses started to dull and I knew I was going to black out if I didn't get out of there. The crowd seemed to curve around me and was absolutely suffocating, I simply couldn't breathe.

I spotted a lone door that lead to a balcony outside. I ran toward it and crashed through, almost shattering the glass. I grabbed the edge of the railing and did my best to keep from heaving up all my insides.

* * *

The dry night air scratched the back of my throat as I gasped in my breaths. I was starting to calm down a little, but still was pretty spooked. What…what happened back there? Did I just get too hot? Am I sick? And what the heck was up with Bradley? 

Uhh…I still feel terrible. My stomach…maybe I should just wait here until it's time to leave… Huh, I'm starting to think maybe I didn't come back so "perfect" after all…

The door to the balcony swung open and I heard a cheery voice call, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you! What, did you get lost or something?"

"No…" I said weakly, but I was glad it was him, "Sorry Brother…I just stepped out for some fresh air, that's all."

He looked absolutely cheerful and his grin seemed glued on his lips. He skipped over and leaned off the balcony to swing around and look at me. His face seemed a little…red.

"I know whatcha mean, it was starting to get reeealy crowded in there." He swung back still hanging on the rail and nearly fell over, then started laughing like an idiot.

I scowled. "Brother, have you been drinking?"

"Hmm, maybe a little…you know, to make easy conversation with all those filthy rich tightwads in there…"

"You're still underage you know."

"Yeah yeah..."

"Ugh, whatever, it's your health. Just don't come crying to me when you've…!"

Too many loud words. Another wave of nausea hit me and I gripped the railing to keep from teetering over.

"Hm? You okay?" His eyes were suddenly very focused and concerned.

"I'm fine!" I snapped back.

Now he frowned. "Liar."

It didn't take much encouragement for me to cave. "Okay okay," I exclaimed, "I'm doing _horrible._ I'm sorry Brother, but I wasn't cut out for big crowds like this! First off, of course, no one knows who I am, all these strange random women keep asking me to dance and Bradley's giving me death looks and it's way too _hot_ and I nearly blacked out and-!"

"Whooa, slow down, you nearly fainted?"

"Yes! I saw the stupid white and black checkers and everything, I don't know what's wrong with me!"

He laughed. "Nothing's wrong with you, ya dummy! You probably just had a little case of claustrophobia, that's all. Big crowds do that to a lot of people, it's nothing you can really help."

He continued, "What I'm more worried about," he said with grin, "is why you think it's bad that girls keep asking you to dance. We're talking high-society chicks, totally loaded! And yet you keep dismissing them?"

Thankfully I had enough sense not to reply "because I don't really like girls."

"They're complete strangers," I argued, "They don't even know my name! I can't figure out why they keep bugging me..."

He raised an eyebrow. "Jeeze Al, have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"Huh?"

"Ehh…um, never mind."

He seemed to contemplate something for a second and climbed down from the railing.

"So we leave," he said simply.

My face lit up. "Really?"

"Sure, I'm not going to make you stay if you don't want to. Heck, I'm starting to get bored myself."

I breathed a shaky sigh of relief. "Thank you…"

"No need, c'mon, let's get out of here. We might be able to catch the eight train, but only if we hurry!"

To my utmost surprise and delight, he grabbed my hand and started leading me back through the entrance. The dance room was a lot quieter now, a slow music was playing and people were paired off dancing, oblivious to most else. It was also pretty dark and I couldn't distinguish any of the faces.

We were about to go through the double doors to freedom, when we were stopped, but this time not by a lady.

"Hello, Fullmetal," a familiar voice said behind us.

We both turned around and came face to face with Ed's bitter rival, the new leader of one of the most powerful nations, and the reason we were here tonight in the first place.

Ed must have used all the restraint he possessed to give a curt salute and mutter, "Fuhrer…"

"I'm glad I caught you before you escaped. Did you think you could get away without saying a hello to your new _boss?"_

I could tell Roy was enjoying this, and Brother was loathing him for it.

"Of course not _sir…_" Ed said.

Roy's face softened a bit. "All joking aside, I'm glad you could make it. It's good to see you again."

Roy looked…older for some reason, wiser, more mature. And taller. I didn't think adults could grow up once they reached a certain point, but…

He looked over to me. "And this is…?" he asked. A wave of alarm coursed through me.

"My date," Ed growled without hesitation.

"Um, well," I stuttered, frantic that I was still holding his hand, "You see I'm not _really _his date, of course, we're just good friends, yeah. We've know each other for a long time, right Broth- ah! I mean, um, Edward."

The look Roy gave me was one of mixed amusement and curiosity. I decided to stop talking.

"I…see," The Flame Alchemist said, "Well, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." He turned back to Ed. "Before you leave, be sure to say hello to Mrs. Hughes. You haven't spoken to her in a while, have you?"

"No, I haven't. Heh, the Lieutenant Colonel must be having a field day, his kid's almost…what? Two? Three?"

Roy merely nodded his head. Why did I detect a glimmer of sadness? "Yes, Elysia is growing up fast. Hughes would have been very proud."

"What's this "would have?" He's proud right now, isn't he?"

I felt an ominous hole in my gut. I felt like I needed to ask something. "Um, excuse me," I interrupted, "But, where is Mr. Hughes anyway?"

* * *

The news of his…death, so long after it had happened… It was a…shock, to say the least. 

We both listened dumbfounded to the retelling of Hughes' murder, exactly how it happened, word for word. Roy didn't try to sugarcoat anything. And when he was finished I was at a loss what to say, and Brother looked about ready to assassinate him.

His final words to us were, "I'm finally in the position he's always pushed me to be. I no longer have to follow questionable orders or obey those who might have prevented this. I hope…I know, that I can finally find the ones who murdered him." He closed his eyes and barely whispered. "I've finally reached…the top."

"I'm sure Mr. Hughes is very…happy," I offered.

"I hope so too. Thank you," he said to me. "Goodbye Fullmetal."

After that, we quietly paid our respects to Mrs. Hughes and left.

Neither of us really…talked much, as we boarded the train and sat in our respective seats. I wanted so badly to say, or do something that would make everything better, but of course that wasn't realistic. Even if Ed didn't want to admit it, he liked Hughes a lot.

"Al," he said suddenly, breaking my thought.

"Yes? What is it Brother?" I asked as sympathetically as I could.

"Hughes' death…it's all my fault, I know it is."

I was flabbergasted. "What? What could have possessed you to think such a thing? That's ridiculous, how could you possibly have stopped it? That's putting far too much responsibility on your shoulders Brother!"

He merely shook his head. "No Al, you see, it _is_ my fault. I should've never brought him of all people into my mess."

"I don't understand you!"

His eyes were still closed and he shook his head again. Maybe it was still the alcohol that was talking, but this called for drastic measures.

"Fine," I said slowly, "It is your fault. You are the one responsible for his death."

He glanced up.

"But Brother," I said reaching out to clasp his hand, "If it is _your_ doing, then I'm as much to blame as you. I was there, I could've done something to prevent it or stop it or something. We both acted and this was the consequence. So blame yourself, go ahead, but it isn't _your_ fault, it's _our _fault. Okay?"

He shut his eyes once more and squeezed my hand tightly. "You're so stupid Al…" he said weakly.

I smiled and scooped him into a hug. "Of course Brother. I'm a real imbecile aren't I?"

He made a poor attempt to wiggle out of my arms. "I'm serious…" he muttered.

"I know…and you're brilliant Brother, absolutely wonderful and _brilliant._"

That did it. His body became limp and he collapsed into me. I knew Ed didn't like to be broken like this, but he would forgive me eventually.

"I hate you so much right now…" he hissed.

"I love you too. Now hush."

He didn't get up from my arms until we had reached the station.

* * *

Ahh…ze love. Tis blossoming yes? 

A few minor notes here…

I have nooo idea how real military-dictator dudes are selected, so I pretty much made up the whole "handing down the crown" thing. If there is a proper way to do it, please let me know.

I can't seem to find an exact date for Ed's birthday. And, does anyone know when Al's birthday is? Any help would be much appreciated.

All those funky words at the top _are_ actually words…neeh, the English language is too BIG.

I guess that's it! Many revelations in the next chapter! MUCHO FLUF

-ATA


	7. Kelemenopy

At laaasst!

Oh boy, I have been waiting to write this chapter _forever_. I hope you'll find it…most intriguing. I think it's a little slow at first though…and it's definitely shorter than the last…

Anywho, to my lovely reviewers…

Rori: Thank you! Hehe, I'm glad you stumbled on it too!

Neo-Alphonse Elric: Hehe, who cares if you stole it? It's still an awesome phrase!

tenkage onna: I'm afraid Al will have to deal with a very grouchy Ed in this chapter as well…(sighs)

Rowan and Sakura: Yes! I was hoping someone was going to mention that line! And yes, that's exactly what Ed was trying to say, hehe, I like Ed slightly drunk…I can't wait 'till you update your story!

Al-luvs-Kitties02: Thank you!

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: Argh, I almost wish I was abducted or something, that would have been a better excuse than "my computer broke…" nee. I've always been curious about something, does K.A.A.K.J. stand for anything? Or is that just a substitute for numbers? Just wondering!

tempusfugit3: I'm going for the "connectedness" thing for their relationship, but if they do indeed turn out to be gay…so be it! (Hehe) And I'm happy to say this chapter is low on mushiness…I think…

mistinside: Hehe, I like my Ed drunk too, ya know? I'm glad you like the uniform scene, thank you!

SightX: I was _wondering_ if anyone was going to catch that obsession thing! I'm impressed, you were the first (and only) person to mention that! Whoot! And the incomplete transmutation will come into play later, much later though. Oh, and the auto-mail thing? I'm planning on having an Al-guilt trip later, just haven't found a good place for it yet. Studying is annoying I know, but thanks for giving such a great review!

AkaiMurasaki: Thank you!

Hope Rising: (Sigh) Yeah, if you do go to hell I'll definitely see ya there. Actually, I haven't read much of the manga so this is pretty much based on the anime. Not sure what time period…but I'm guessing roughly around the "Greed" arc, that is, Greed is suppose to be dead in this, they don't know about Dante or Pride yet, etc. Thanks for the review!

silver windflame: Hehe, I'm not sure you're going to find many of those words in the dictionary, I found them on veeery obscure websites. Anyway, thank you!

Loise: Al _is _a sweetheart, but he can be a little too innocent for his own good sometimes…(sigh, is referring to when he didn't want to kill Sloth…)

One last thing! Kelemenopy: THE SPIFFIEST word I have in my collection! Tis "a sequential straight line through the middle of everything, leading nowhere." Argh, it's so fine! I'm not quite sure what is has to do with this chapter, but I just needed to use it!

* * *

Brother has been acting…very strange lately. 

_Very_ strange. I'm not talking about his normal day to day egotisms and grand overreactions, it's like he's a completely different person around me. And quite frankly, it's _really_ starting to creep me out.

I guess it must have started the morning after the party. He seemed normal enough at first, he woke up very loudly as usual, and immediately started complaining about a splitting headache (hangover) so I didn't suspect anything was wrong. But then as we sat down to eat he started to become…distant. He kept starring off into space and narrowing his speech to one-word answers. Any attempts on my part to make conversation were quickly cut short.

_Maybe he's just tired, or still a little sad from yesterday _I thought, so I made an attempt to cheer him up, or at least get him to say something. When he was lingering around I timidly walked up to him, kinda patted him on the shoulder and said if anything was bothering him, I would listen. His body was tense and he didn't give me a reply, so I took that as my cue to leave him alone. With a sore heart, I slipped outside and left him to brood.

He'll come around eventually, I kept telling myself. Ed's never remained sad for more than a day in his life. It's in his nature to spring back with that charming smile on his face, whether it was real or not.

But not this time. Two days later and there was no "springing" whatsoever.

Now he's engulfing himself in work, he doesn't eat much, I _know_ he doesn't sleep well, he barely says a word. And _now_ I think he's been avoiding me. Just yesterday he didn't even bother with a "hello" before he went down into the basement, and he didn't come back up until I had long fallen asleep.

After much worrying and pondering and stressing about it, I think I've come up with an explanation.

Maybe…just maybe, it's because his birthday's tomorrow.

Huh? Some might be thinking, isn't that suppose to be a _happy_ time of year? Of course it is, but Ed's never been one to be normal about stuff like that. He despises most holidays for starters, he believes the true meaning of Christmas has been long lost, to celebrate the New Year is pointless, and don't even get him _started _about Valentine's Day. Or as he likes to call it, "single awareness day." You see what I mean? But when it comes to his birthday, oh, look out.

I guess it can't be helped though, his birthday reminds him of…bad things. It was close to his birthday that Nina was killed, he spent his last one in the _hospital_, and, oh...um, and that was also the time I uh…accused him of not being my brother and running off. But I believed him later!

Now, since he shares his birthday with Elysia, it's always going to remind him that Hughes is dead. How much more depressing can it get?

With all this, I wasn't exactly surprised when he said he didn't want a big fuss over it this year.

"I want to hurry and get it over with," he told me, "I don't need any presents or cake or you killing yourself to make some special dinner. I just want it to be an ordinary, boring day, got it?"

I simply nodded and promised to respect his wishes. It's his birthday, I figured, he can do whatever he wants. And maybe once it's all over he'll get out of his sour mood.

So now it's the eve of the big day, Ed's already passed out on his bed after a hard day's work, and I'm contentedly reading another book. It's actually quite good…

* * *

I just finished my book. It ended with the main character being stoned to death for declaring his undying love for his sister.

* * *

I bolted awake with an airy gasp that I could see whispering across my face, my head dizzy and hot. Uhh…what a nightmare… Stupid…_stones_…agh… 

The air felt exceptionally cold against my sweaty skin and I rubbed my shoulders to keep warm. When I hopped out of bed my toes nearly froze to the floor, feeling more like hot coals than wood. Every breath I took I could see in front of my face. How did it get so cold so _fast?_ Teeth chattering, I hobbled over to the window and peeled back the sash.

Just as I thought, it's _snowing._

Or should I say _was_ snowing. The icy precipitation wasn't falling from the sky anymore, but its visit was painfully evident as it covered every single inch of ground. Should've figured, it does tend to snow around Brother's birthday, but I don't remember it snowing down here when I was little…

It really did look beautiful I'll admit, but why did it have to be so darn…_frigorific?_

Shivering, I considered diving back into bed, but it would take too long to warm up again. I _greatly_ thought about crawling into Ed's still-toasty one, he's probably all nice and warm…no no no, he wouldn't be happy about that at all!

Then I got an idea, I ran for the bathroom and cranked on the hot water for the tub. I danced around impatiently while it filled, my arms locked against my chest to hold on to the little heat I had. When it was about halfway full I stepped inside, not even bothering to take off my pajamas.

The water temperature was close to scalding, but it felt like _heaven_ compared to that icy-hell out there. I idly watched the steam float to the ceiling and cling to the mirrors and glass. I didn't even trouble to turn off the water flow, I just let it run until it started sloshing over the sides. I gave a lazy sigh and sunk down into the water until it covered my face.

I have a theory on why the cold bugs me so much, I've had a lot of time to think about it with all those quiet hours starring at the ceiling. I believe, I _think_, that the cold gets to me because, when I was still in armor, I was cold all the time. See, metal is cold by nature and unless it's directly heated from a confident source it will _remain _cold. Now granted, I couldn't really _tell_ that I was cold, but on some subconscious level I always knew. So now, for me "cold" is like some trigger for all those...less than perfect memories.

It's kinda stilly I know, but there's little I can do, except try to stay warm all the time. In essence the cold is one of my worst enemies. The mind is a curious thing, huh?

I started to feel sleepy again. Something about the heat and steam was clogging my senses, it was getting hard to keep my eyes open. Praying that I wouldn't drown in my sleep, I hung my head over the edge to keep water from getting in my mouth.

The last thing I remember was the tiles on the floor blurring together, until they turned as white and perfect as the snow.

* * *

_I wonder, I said as I dreamed, what is it that Brother fears the most?_

_

* * *

_

"Alphonse, you strange little person, wake up before your neck is permanently stuck like that."

My mind was still groggy as I opened my eyes to see Brother starring down at me with a slightly annoyed look. I propped myself in a sitting position and I heard my neck pop back into place. I winced and rubbed my shoulders, the water around me now tepid.

"Morning Brother…" I said with a yawn.

"Morning. Now what gives Al? Did you discover a fetish for sleeping in the tub or something?" I was pleased he was back to making his smart jokes, and I could even detect a trace amount of mischievousness in his tone. But his smile was still absent.

"No, not really. I got cold during the night and felt like a hot bath. But then I got so sleepy, I guess I fell asleep."

"You took a bath in your pajamas?"

I stretched my arms over my head. "Too lazy to take them off…"

"Ah hah…" he said slowly, "Well hurry up and get dried off. I was planning on taking a nice hot bath myself, until I found it was already occupied."

I grinned sheepishly and unplugged the drain, hobbling onto cramped legs. I rung my clothes out as best as I could before heading to the other room to change.

"Oh, Brother!" I called over my shoulder, "I almost didn't remember, Happy Birthday!"

He scowled. "I thought we weren't going to have any of that."

"Oh, sorry, forgot." I pressed my finger to my lips, "Not another word!"

"You better not…" he said, "Now scram."

"I'm leaving I'm leaving, no need to get upset…"

I heard another growl followed by the slamming of a door. I shook my head, Ed was such a grouch in the morning...

I kicked off my soggy clothes and left them in a corner, I could hang them up later. I put on the warmest things I had, coat, hat, scarves, the works. If I planned on spending any time in the snow today I needed to be prepared. I know I just finished my lecture on how _horrible_ it could be, but that didn't mean I couldn't have any fun!

By the time I had finished putting on my four layers of clothing, Ed was already in the kitchen reading the paper.

"Where are you going?" he asked without looking up.

"Outside. It snowed last night, you know? It's not everyday we get snow around here!"

I didn't hear a response, so I tried again.

"Yeah, it really looks pretty. Hey! Do you wanna come with me? I bet the lake is frozen over, we can go check it out!"

"No," he said bluntly.

"Oh…okay," This was disheartening, but I tried to remain cheerful, "See ya later then."

I didn't hear a goodbye.

* * *

The world outside was so _bright_. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and everywhere was only snow. It glimmered in the sun's light and almost made it hard to look at. 

I ran down to the lake as fast as I could. I was heavily encumbered by my snow gear and fell on my face more than once, but sure enough, when I got there most of it was frozen solid.

I cautiously stuck the top half of my boot over the ice. It didn't crumble underneath me, so I figured it was a good sign. I placed the rest of my foot on and added a little pressure, making the ice crunch.

I took a chance and catapulted forward, both feet landing firmly on the frozen lake. The ice groaned and complained beneath, but it still held.

Satisfied, I decided to have some fun. I propelled myself forward on my boots and glided across the ice, getting a good three feet before crashing to a painful halt. I got up and dusted the snow off my jacket, all the while laughing at my own childishness.

I repeated this about three more times before my backside got too sore to continue. I wandered out a ways into the snow, gazing at the sky. Arms outstretched, I teetered back and fell flat on the ground. The snow numbed my unprotected ears, but I hardly noticed.

Ahh…it's so nice out here, Brother doesn't know what he's missing. I wish he had decided to come along, it might have actually cheered him up. Oh well…guess I'll have to enjoy it for him…

"Miss Winry!" a shrill voice called out, "There's a funny man in the snow!"

Did she say Winry? I quickly sat up and looked around, trying to spot my friend I hadn't for over two months.

"Calli! How many times have I told you, we don't call people bad names!"

"Sorry…"

"Winry!" I called out, spotting a blue jacket in the distance, "Is that you?"

"Huh?" she turned in my direction and squinted. When she realized it was me she hurried over, her face oddly red.

"Alphonse!" she said happily, "It's so great we bumped into you! What are you doing out here?"

I laughed and said, "I'm enjoying the weather!"

"That's great! But um, why are you on the ground?"

I flushed and stood up, mumbling out the lame excuse, "I slipped…"

I looked over at the child playing around with Den. "And you are…babysitting?"

"Yeah," she said, sighing loudly, "A couple that lives nearby needed me to watch their kid while they went into town, with all the snow they didn't know when they would be back. She's certainly a handful though…Calli! Keep Den off the ice! And don't you dare play on it either!"

"Okay!"

She cleared her throat and said, her voice now cautious, "So, um, how's…Ed?"

"He's doing well. Today's his birthday you know."

"Oh! I almost forgot, tell him happy birthday for me, will you?"

"Of course," I said, lying through my teeth. I decided it would be easier not to explain Ed's birthday strike.

"Good…good, so um," Jeeze she sounded nervous all of a sudden, "How are things…well, between…you two…?"

"We're fine…" I said puzzled, "Why? You're acting a little weird Winry."

"No no no! Of course! It's nothing!" she said hurriedly between forced laughter, "I was just wondering that's all!"

I simply nodded and didn't push it further. Strange girl…

"Calli" had gotten bored with the snow and had wondered up next to us. She stared at me a while before blurting out, "You're really tall!"

I smiled down at her, "Thank you."

"…But your eyes are weird," she finished plainly.

"Calli!" Winry snapped, "That's rude!"

"It's okay Winry," I assured, "I don't mind, really."

I knelt down to her level, "And your eyes are _very_ pretty. They remind me of my mom's eyes, a little."

She blushed and buried her face in Winry's jacket. I laughed and stood back up.

Winry grinned along with me, "_You_ should be the one looking after her, not me. You always were good with kids, huh?"

I shrugged, "I guess so…"

"You are! You'd make a really good father one day Al!" She blushed again and looked at her watch, "Ah! It's almost five, time for little troublemakers to have dinner."

"Okay…" Calli mumbled. Winry grasped her hand and they started walking in the direction of her house.

"Bye Mister!" Calli called, waving madly. I beamed and waved back.

It actually _was _starting to get late. The sky had turned rosy and it was getting hard to see, I better get home before it gets too dark.

I meditated a bit on what Winry had said, about me being a good father. I walked slowly through the snow, realizing that with my present course of affection, children would be absolutely out of the picture. That's definitely one thing I could _never_ give to Ed. Hypothetically speaking for a second, that is, if we ever _do_ become a couple, what if that turns out to be important? I guess we could adopt…but how would we explain our kind of relationship to a child?

Great, yet another reason on why I _shouldn't_ do this.

I flopped back down and unconsciously drew a circle in the snow, pressing my finger to it. It glowed that familiar blue and flowers sprung up from the ground. I smiled sadly and remembered when Brother made the exact same thing for Nina so many years ago…

"_You made me magic flowers!"_ she squealed. Yeah, if I _ever_ have kids of any kind, I hope they'd be just like her.

Hmm…I wonder if…

_Ahh, what the heck, I'll give it a shot._

I took off my mitten-garbed hands and stared at them intently, aware of how silly I probably looked. I carefully clapped them together just as I had seen Brother do countless times before, then I pressed them to then snow and held my breath.

For a split second nothing happened. Just as I was about to hang my head in disappointment, an electricity burst through my fingertips and my hands grew hot. I was so surprised I fell backwards, landing rather roughly in the snow. Sure enough, when I picked myself back up a second set of flowers had bloomed next to the first.

I…did it! I did a transmutation without a circle!

I was completely euphoric. I leapt up into the air with a whoop and then bolted back to the house to tell Ed. All worries of him being mad completely flew out of my mind as I crashed through the door, only stopping a second to fling off my snow clothes. Face warm with excitement I shouted breathlessly, "Brother! You'll never guess what I…! Um, Brother?"

My mood instantly plummeted when I spotted him. He was leaning up against the wall with a blank look on his face, contemplating something maybe, but that's not what bothered me. He had the _saddest_ eyes I had ever seen, he looked like he was about to burst out crying any moment. But…but Ed never cries, right?

"Brother?" I asked again softly, "Are you okay?"

He looked at me and forced a smile on his face. "Of course Al, I'm fine. Just, thinking about stuff."

"What kind of…stuff?"

"Well…you know, just…"

He paused and started again.

"I'm not…a very likeable guy Al." _Huh?_

"I'm not, don't look so surprised. People don't take to me without some effort, and even if they do I always manage to tick them off somehow. I'm happy and outgoing enough yeah, but I've got an attitude and temper to boot, I realize that. Heh, you know I think the only one that can truly stand me for more than ten seconds is you."

"But…" I started.

"Ah! Let me finish, this has a point I promise. Anyway, I got to thinking. I'm not the dating type obviously, I don't even know what kind of girls I _like,_ so the chances of me getting married are slim at best. I don't get out much, the only thing I really have is my title and this house, and I've got a steady job that I'll probably have until I retire. In short, my future is already laid out for me, brick by brick. I'm only sixteen, but I've got the life of someone who should be forty."

He turned to me. "But you Al, you're still so young, you have the _world_ ahead of you, you know? You have so much potential for doing great things, and I feel like I'm only going to hold you down. So…now don't freak out on me but…I'm thinking about going back to Central and leaving the house to you."

"_What!"_ I burst out.

"Hey! I said let me finish, jeeze! Now, it's not like we'll never see each other again, I'll call you everyday and all. You can continue your studies here, and you don't even have to worry about money! I'll send you part of my paycheck every week."

"But I _want_ to live with you Brother!"

"Oh please. You say that now, but what about when you get older Al? Do you really want me around when you start dating and bringing girls home? Do you really want me around when you get married and want your own house? Or when you start having kids?"

"Yes!" I blurted out, even thought I knew _none_ of that was going to happen.

But he just laughed. It was a cold, hollow laugh that made me uncomfortable. "Yeah right," he said, "Ease up Al, I'm trying to be realistic for the both of us. If we do this now it'll be much easier later."

I was seriously on the verge of tears. I _didn't_ want this, not at all! What he's doing is completely ridiculous, but he won't listen to me!

"Hey, just promise me one thing, okay?" he added, his voice a little quieter.

"Yes?" I choked out.

"Promise that...when you're older you'll think of your old brother once in a while, huh? I don't want us to become strangers, or some faceless name on a card list. Heh, it seems like a stupid thing to say, but I want something to hang over your head when you haven't called me in a month. So? You promise?"

"Brother you're not making any sense…" I mumbled. But then I inwardly gasped.

That's when I realized what Brother feared the most was being forgotten. My chest began to ache.

"Brother?" I finally said, nervously.

"Hm?" He looked back up.

I ran over to him and grasped his shoulders. He looked confused, and started to say something. I hesitated only a second, then leaned down and pressed my lips to his.

* * *

Our first kiss was…_definitely_ not how I had imagined it. It was…awkward, and sloppy, and a little rough. I was clinging onto his shoulders for dear, dear life while he remained as rigid as a board. My eyes were tightly closed so I couldn't see his face, but I could guess it was one of…shock. And all the while my mind kept screaming "What are you doing, you stupid, _stupid _fool! Stop kissing him!" 

But I didn't _want_ to stop kissing him. Because the moment I did…I would have to face him.

Eventually breathing became an issue. Panicked, I tore away from him with a small cry and didn't dare open my eyes, I knew I wouldn't like what I saw. My lips were on fire and my heart was pounding so hard I was terrified he could hear it too.

I felt the urge to run. So I did.

"_I'm so sorry!"_ I yelled as I ran. Blind and confused I dashed to the safe haven of the basement, slamming the door behind me.

I ran down the stairs and stopped at the bottom, shaking. I collapsed on the first step and felt something damp on my face, I buried my head in my arms and wished I could vanish.

I heard no attempts to follow me, no footsteps on the stairs. Brother wasn't going to come after me this time. I don't blame him…

So I could do nothing but sit and mourn, and all the while I was thinking…

_Oh god, what have I done?_

_

* * *

_

Um…eh he he…?

(Ducks for cover) please don't kill me.


	8. Ataraxy

WHOOT! The conclusion to the cliffhanger is here!

This is chock full of romance and sap. Very much angst and very much fluff, I hope it shall satisfy even the most hungry customer. Oh, I hope everything else makes sense writing wise…neeh…

To mah lovely reviewers…(With spring break I have too much spare time, so I was able to write to you all! Yes…)

EnVys pEt NeKo2: Worry not, there shall be much, erm…_getting together_ in this chapter. Don't wanna spoil too much though…

angeltread: No maiming either, sorry. (lol)

Evil Chibi Kitten: It is here!

HanyouAlchemist: Aw shucks, I feel loved. (grins) I hope you'll fine this chapter as emotionally satisfying as the last. And I loved writing about chibi Ed and Al! Squee they're so cute!

boopkit: I'm hoping this chapter has the "complexity" the last one was lacking…I still would love your advice!

unknown: thank you!

Neo-Alphonse Elric: I thought you might find it intriguing. Thanks!

Neko Edo-chan miauu: Fear not! They shall be together!

eFooeFoo: Neee…that threat has more weight than you know. My mom would have a spazz if she knew I was writing a love story about two brothers. Oh well! Hope you like this chapter!

mistinside: Ed will do something! He won't be the stupid statue he was last chapter…neh. Oh, and don't worry, your English is really good. Can I assume your first language is Spanish then? Spiffy… (I checked your profile, hehe)

Vivi-chan: Hehe, (checks off another fan converted to Elricestness) I'm glad you like so much!

AngstReflection: Thank you!

lovergal1227: Sorry…it was evil wasn't it? This chapter will be much less evil though!

tempusgufit3: (cough) lacking in gay fun this is not. Whoot! I can't wait until you update your story!

tenkage onna: It is here! Yay!

silver windflame: I _really_ wanted a kiss too, you know? In the last thing I wrote the first kiss wasn't until the last chapter…neeeeeh!

eternalsailorsolarwind: It has arrived! Never fear!

Al-luvs-Kitties02: Please don't have a heart attack, I love my reviewers too much. (lol)

Winry1910: It's all good, I don't have anything against Winry personally, just as long as she keeps her paws off Ed and Al. (Hehe.)

Eodaiya: He, thanks for being such a good sport. Go EdAl!

Rowan and Sakura: It _is_ like a mirror of your story! Cool! (Speaking of which, can't wait until you update.)

Hope Rising: All the little "side stories" won't quite come into play until the end, darnit…I do like your description of hell though! Lol.

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: Ed will do something! Fear not! Oh um…I was really excited to read you had updated "Stolen Kisses" but, I feel a little silly saying this, but where is it? I checked your profile and I didn't see it among your stories. Is it on another website? Anyway, high school's actually going pretty well. My spring break's almost over though…neeh! But I got my biology project done today, that made me happy. But now I have to worry about my English one. Cripes! How's school going for you?

Dragon Fairies: Mucho angst is this, I promise!

Phew… Yes this story broke a hundred reviews! Glorious! I love you all!

A bit of interesting information… apparently on the show "sixty minutes" a man claimed that having an older brother made a younger brother's chances of being gay 1/3 times greater…(COUGH) eh he he…just randomly throwing that out there.

Oh, and "Ataraxy" means freedom from disturbance of mind. Onward!

* * *

…It really is a mess down here. 

The room was poorly illuminated but I could still see the faint outlines of its confusion. There were papers of all sorts scattered over the place, covered from top to bottom in his illegible handwriting, that darn chicken scratch even I had trouble reading. His books that had been so carefully organized before were thrown all over, some lying face down on the floor, others piled in mile-high stacks on his desk. A chalkboard was over to the side, written and erased on a hundred times, and then there were marks on the wall were he ran out of board. Carved into the ceiling with long, sharp knife marks were the words "God is an invention." Hn, no mistaking it, this was definitely his territory.

Careful, as to not trip over everything, I maneuvered through the dark and reached his desk.

Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me with the grief and guilt bombarding my senses, but it was like I could "sense" him here…this was his little hideout after all. I sat down in his chair and it felt a little warm, I picked up his pen and I could feel his hands, I could almost smell him.

I bent over and could barely make out what he was working on. Some complex symbols and circles, paperwork, nothing to take much notice of. The only thing "unique" was his using my helmet as a paperweight, definitely odd. But ohh…what I wouldn't give to crawl back inside that armor and become cold again.

I got up from his chair. I didn't deserve to be here, after what I had done. I quietly resumed my place on the step.

* * *

I'm not sure how long I stayed there, in that pitch black hole I had dug for myself. 

Maybe…ten minutes? An hour? A day, a year, a decade…? I guess it didn't really matter… No amount of time could ever change what happened.

I was still sitting on the stairs, my legs hugged against my chest. My eyes were sore from crying too much, _way _too much, god I felt like I was two again. I didn't have a mirror but I knew I looked terrible. My face was probably all red and puffy, like I had a horrible cold. In that way the darkness was a comfort, I wasn't fit to be seen by any light. And every part of me seemed to ache.

But my lips…oh they were still so warm.

That kiss… It was my first one obviously, but I didn't know a kiss could feel so good, even if it wasn't…exactly welcome by the other person. Nothing in the world could've prepared me for it. Nothing in the world could've prepared _him _for it. Yet, in some strange way, I couldn't have asked for a better first kiss.

Speaking of…him…

I hadn't heard a peep from him since I had come down here. For all I knew he could have upped and gone to Central already, packed up all his things and left, heaven knows that would have been more than enough to drive him away. Even if he was still here, would he ever speak to me again? Would he ever _look _at me again?

But what bothered me the most was...he didn't even _do _anything, he just stood there! Unmoving. I'm not sure what would've been worse, him doing something drastic in retaliation or that dreadful silence.

But, in the end, it all boiled down to that mistake.

How could I have done something so unbelievably stupid? And selfish? It was as if all my inhibitions were turned off and the only thing controlling me was this, this _drive _to be near him. I didn't even stop to think how he'd react! I've certainly managed to mess everything up, I've ultimately ruined that special bond between us, and all because of my senseless desires!

Edward…Brother…you don't know how sorry I am.

* * *

My heart stopped when I heard the door open.

"Al…? Alphonse?" his voice called, "Are you down here?"

My insides froze up. He actually came looking for me? To do what?

I heard a few grumbles of "too dark down here dammit," and the main light switched on, making me squint from the sudden brightness. I heard his heavy footsteps descend the stairs, and with every thump a little more of me sunk.

My eyes darted away as he quietly sat down next to me, not saying a word. I was terrified and anxious at the same time, waiting for what he would do next.

"…don't sit in the dark so much, it'll hurt your eyes," was the first thing he said. I automatically nodded my head, perplexed as to why he was chastising me for a silly mistake like that. When there was a much bigger problem at hand!

Then he said, in a voice that was very gentle and concerned, "Al, look at me, please."

At a snail's pace I turned my head upward until I could see his face. It wasn't one of…irritation, or hate or anything, just rather…neutral, if nothing than a little worried. I bit my tongue to keep from bursting out.

"Al?" he said softly, "Have you been crying?"

Ashamed at my weakness, I slowly nodded my head again. I rubbed my sleeve over my face like it would help wipe away my contrition. I was embarrassed to say the least, but that's probably what he wanted. But then…

To the disbelief of my eyes, he stood up and extended his hand to me. "C'mon, let's go back upstairs and get you cleaned up, okay?"

Now I was confused. Hadn't he come down here to tell me off or something? Be all "why the hell did you kiss me!" But he was acting so nice instead…

I remained cautious as we ascended the stairs, looking for any slight sign of betrayal or sudden wrath, but none came. He led me to the living room and pulled out a chair, giving me the order, "Sit." I was in no position to argue. I played with the fringe on my jacket while he rummaged through his pockets, coming back up with a…

Huh? Was that a handkerchief?

I sat spellbound as he reached out and started to lovingly rub away the tear stains from my face. The combination of dry cloth and cool metal fingertips felt good on my swollen skin. Then he plugged it up to my nose and said, "Blow." It made me feel like a little kid again, but secretly all I wanted right now was to be babied, comforted. Just a little…

He tucked the handkerchief back into his pocket, after a while asking, "Doing better?" I eagerly nodded my head.

"That's good…now Al, what _happened_?"

I gulped. This was the question I had been dreading. I tried to say something, but nothing wanted to come out.

"I've been patient, and I think I deserve an explanation," he said, a little more forceful. He was right of course, but I was completely clueless as to how I was going to explain…all this!

"Um…well…" I stuttered, "I…don't know what happened really," It was weak but it was the truth, "But I'm…I'm so sorry Brother."

"Why?"

"Why…? Well…well, because I did something completely out of line and it…it was just stupid! A moment of pure insanity I guess," I attempted a weak smile and continued, "I feel terrible I messed up your Birthday so badly…I know you didn't want it to be like this at all…"

He frowned. "You misunderstand me. I didn't mean why are you sorry, I meant why did you _kiss _me."

His frankness made me even more nervous. "Because…because…oh I don't know!"

I was so lost. Why couldn't he just yell at me and be done with it? Did he enjoy how this was torturing me?

Then he gave a sigh that was neither annoyed nor angry, then I felt a pair of strong arms pull me into an embrace. I blindly reached out and clung to him as tightly as I could, like if I held on close enough I could freeze this moment in time.

"Hey Al…" he asked, sounding oddly composed.

"Yes?"

"Did you do it…because you love me?"

I knew it in my soul what kind of "love" he meant. "Yes," I whispered, it sweeping out of me like a wave. "So much…"

"And because you didn't want me to leave?"

"Yes…"

He pulled away slightly and I was able to see the huge grin on his face. "See?" he said, "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

I was a bit miffed at his tone, in spite of myself. "How can you be so calm after that?" I blurted out, "This doesn't exactly happen too often, I mean…I, I _kissed _you!"

"Yes, you did," he said playfully, rubbing his thumb along his lower lip, "It actually wasn't too bad of a kiss either…"

Whaa…!

I was blushing furiously, leave it to Brother to turn this into a big joke!

"Don't you think it's a little strange?" I asked, trying to rebound.

"Maybe. I will admit, you certainly caught me by surprise. It's not everyday a guy loses his first kiss to his little brother…"

I chomped on my lip, not sure whether to be insulted or not.

"But what if…" he said slowly, "I told you I didn't mind?"

I looked away. "I wouldn't believe you."

"Look, Al…" he said, trying to return to seriousness, "No matter what crazy thing you do or what kind of mess you get yourself in, I will always love you, okay? Romantic love, casual love, whatever, it doesn't matter to me. You're my one and only baby brother, you come first before anything. And if _this_…" he picked up my hands and lightly kissed them, "is what you want, whatever "this" is or turns out to be…we'll just make it work."

I could only gape in awe. These were the words I had been waiting to hear for so long, that assurance he could love me too…but for some reason I was still distressed. Why was he so okay with this? So accepting? So easy with this whole thing? Was it just Ed? Was he the kind of personality to be fine with it? But that doesn't make any sense!

And the thing was…maybe I didn't want him to be so "okay" with it. Maybe I wanted him to loathe me for doing something…so horribly sickening.

"Don't say that!" I cried out.

"Huh?"

"Don't…! No! This isn't what was supposed to happen! You're supposed to hate me for doing something so disgusting!"

"But I don't…"

"You should! You're supposed to tell me how wrong I was and how sick I am and say "Brothers aren't supposed to do stuff like that! Brothers don't love each other that way!"

I was close to having a fit. My whole being was shaking, this was society talking not me, but I couldn't stop. "And even if you did say you love me…it would just be a front! To protect my feelings you would pretend to love me back! It wouldn't be real, it'd be a lie!"

"Alphonse…"

"Why can't you just hate me?" I whimpered, fighting to keep from crying again, "Why can't you despise me and cast me aside like the horrible thing I am? To feel something like that…for your own brother…"

Ed grabbed my arm and forced me to look up at him.

"Al, tell me honestly," he said intensely, "Do you think I'm a disgusting person?"

"Wha…? No!" I gasped, thrown that he would say something like that, "Never…you're the most wonderful person I know."

He released my arm, then knelt down to give me the softest kiss on the forehead.

"Because I do love you Alphonse…" he whispered, "I have for a very, very long time…"

He moved to my face and kissed my cheek.

"I love you…" he said again.

He kissed all around my face, on my closed eyes, on my neck, saying his mantra in between until I couldn't tell which way was up. Then he held my face between his hands and his golden orbs starred with concern into mine, checking to see if I was calm again. Pausing only a moment, he bent down and placed a quick kiss on my lips, sealing his promise. The temperature rose in my face and I forced my jelly-like arms to wrap around his shoulders.

His mouth lingered over mine, then bent down to kiss me again, this time for much longer. When we broke apart both of us were breathing audibly, and I noticed a little red had risen in his features as well.

"I love you too Brother," I said, the words feeling strange and exotic on my tongue. He rubbed his metal hand through my hair, careful not to get it caught between the joints. "Then that settles it," he said.

Silence, then...

"Like you said…" he murmured suddenly, "it is a little strange…"

"Yeah…"

"But, that's okay. Love's suppose to be strange."

"Mm hmm…"

We were silent for a while, nothing spoken and nothing heard besides the night noises outside.

"It's almost midnight," he finally stated.

"Already?"

"Yes…you must be tired huh?"

"A little," I admitted.

"C'mon," he said, lifting me up into a standing position. "I can finish the rest of my work in the morning. Let's go to bed."

I was completely…content, in the most perfect meaning of the word. I offered him a smile which he gave back in return. This thrilled me to no end, he had been so miserable the past few days.

"Um…I'm glad you seem to be in a better mood now, huh Brother?" I commented as we walked toward the bedroom, trying to make conversation to overshadow any awkward silence.

"Oh yeah, I've been meaning to apologize about all that," he said, scratching the back of his head, "I've been a real ass lately huh?"

"A…bit…" I admitted, trying not to stare as he undressed.

"Well I'm over it now. A few things I had to sort out, you know?"

"I understand."

I quickly changed myself and climbed into bed, pulling the covers tight around my nose. I got that fluttery feeling again when he went to brush his teeth, wondering to myself, would he go into his own bed or ask to sleep with me? Or maybe not even ask? You can imagine the one I wanted.

He shuffled his way back in and gave a yawn, untying his hair and letting it fall on his back. "I'm beat…" he proclaimed then…oh…my heart sank as he tossed himself on his own bed.

"Mm…Brother?" I ventured to ask.

"Eh?"

"If you…if you want, you don't have to but, you could, um…" I scooted over to the other side, pulling back the covers to make room for him, if he got the message…

"Aww, Al…" he cooed. He grabbed his pillow and happily dive-bombed into my bed, wasting no time in curling up beside me.

"That was pretty easy…" I said, succumbing to the new experience of having a very warm Brother squished against my side.

"Hrm…you're too cute to say no to. Now go to sleep."

"Okay…good night…"

I was hit with a thought I felt I needed to voice.

"Brother…" I whispered.

"Hn? What?"

"Um…now they we're a…couple? I guess that's what you'd call it…I can still can you "Brother" right?"

"Course, why not?"

"Just making sure."

"Yes yes, you can still call me "Brother." Now sleep."

Silence…

"Brother?"

"Whaaat?"

"Think we'll ever be able to tell anyone? About us?"

"Maybe. We might be able to tell Pinako or something, or someone else that doesn't have the heart to do us any permanent damage."

"What about Teacher?"

"She'd be difficult. First we'd have to explain why you're back in the first place."

"True…"

"We can worry about it later. Now sleep."

More silence…

I was struck with another thought. This time a bad one, I know Brother was getting annoyed but I needed to ask him this.

"Brother…?"

"What! Al I love you but I swear I'll still…!"

"Wait wait, last question I promise!"

He propped his head on his arm. "Yes?"

"What…do you," I began, voice shaking a little, "What do you suppose…Mom would think about us?"

It was a dark question, but I wanted to know what he thought. What would Mom say if she knew her two sons were…well, having a love affair?

I waited patiently for Brother's response. He was quiet for a long time before saying, "Honestly? I don't know what she would've thought…but," he continued, rolling over a bit to look at me, "Best case scenario would be…she would be happy for both of us, despite the obvious societal taboos and whatnot, and she'd wish us our happiness and let us do what we please."

"And the worst case scenario…?"

"…she would disown us, and probably throw us both into the nearest insane asylum."

I shuttered. "I think I like the other one better."

"Me too. So let's pretend that's the one that happened okay? Now, do you have any other mind-numbing questions or can I finally go to sleep?"

"Sorry…I'll be quiet now…"

His face softened. He sighed and said, "Come here…"

He scooped me into his arms and hugged my head to his chest. When I recovered from my initial surprise I quickly relaxed, taking in the feel of his skin on mine, his hair tickling my nose. This was the closeness I had been wishing for so many nights…

"Better?" he asked.

"Mm hmm…"

"Good. Goodnight Al…"

Within moments he was asleep.

* * *

I saw out the window and beheld the full moon rise into the night, beautiful and magnificent amidst the snow…like she was awakening for the very first time…

* * *

WHOOT THERE IS LOVE! I've actually got the first five pages for the next chapter already written, so it keep an eye out for it very soon! Neh...I hope this one wasn't too short. But still, WHOOT! 


	9. Welkin

(Crawls out from rock.) O.M.G. I LIVE.

Ehhehe…you guys haven't heard from me in a while, huh? I apologize, seriously, I didn't think this chapter was going to take so long. It's a dive into the new relationship of the lovely Elric Bros, yes?

All the usual really in this chapter, angst, romance, and FLUFF. F.L.U.F.F. Especially at the end.

As a note to mah lovely reviewers, I'm going to start doing the "reply" thing on the reviews, I just think it'll save time when I'm trying to upload a new chapter.

aru is a cutie…: Ooh, I like cookies…sweet!

horo-chan: The homunculus will play a _big_ role at the end, fear not. Glad you like!

Jebby: Much love! Thanks!

Lily Vendrem: It's a funky website called the "Werid Words Index." I have a link in my profile. Glad you like!

Sakura Tsubasa: Thanks! (By the way, keeewl pen name…)

yumemi: Thank you!

Goddess of Unfinished Projects: Whee! I love glomping. (Glomps back)

TeraElric: It is here, thank you for being so patient… (kicks self)

edal fangirl: Thank you!

Mamiya: I actually haven't seen the movie yet, I'm holding out until it's released to the U.S., but I already have, like, a million screenshots and whatnot already. Hehe. I have a little dive at the beginning on how Ed was a little "easy," as you said, on the whole thing. And don't worry, I love long reviews, and you "type" English quite well actually. Thanks again!

Noroi-Inu: Afraid Winry will be in this chapter again, but she gets a little better. Thanks!

Al-luvs-Kitties02: I now pronounce you FIC and WIFE. Lol, thank you soo much!

tempusfugit3: You are pure awesomeness. I'm going to have to find a cool name for my laptop too, I'm buying one in a week. (Yesh!) How's "Catharsis" coming, by the way?

Vivi-chan: Hehe, thanks for being so patient.

Hope Rising: Australia…hehe. Whoa, your description of the relationship thing was uberly cool, you should write a fic too!

W4white: Winry will be in this chapter, actually. And you'll just have to see about Ed's "skill," hehe…

mistinside: They won't tell anyone, but one person, urm, kinda figures it out. I don't want to spoil tough! Thanks for the review!

theranter: Thank you!

EnVyS pEt Neko2: This chapter shall be squee-full too, I think. Thank you!

lin: "Just like the hamsters on the sims!" OMG, you're right! LOL.

Reigning Fyre: Hehe, thanks!

Rowan and Sakura: Wazzup! Haven't seen you in a while, how's the epilogue of "Darling" coming? I can't wait to reeeaaad!

Umenoukoji Yuhiru: Heeey, nice new pen name… Great to talk to you again! SCHOOL'S OUT! Whoot! Yeah, I did really well on my TAKS stuff, I'm sure you did too. Eesh, those are such a pain in the rear. I actually took the AP History Test and haven't gotten back what I made yet, GAH! But it is summer, so I am calm. Lol. See ya later!

Lady Girl: Hm, do you mean when Al made a transmutation without a circle? Yeah, that's going to be dived into a little more in this chapter. Thanks for the review!

silver windflame: Hehe, thanks! There shall be mucho fluff in this chapter too.

HanyouAlchemist: Aw sucks, I feel loved. Thank you!

PineappleSundae: Thank you! Spiffy pen name, by the way. You're making me hungry!

Dragon Fairies: Hehe, you all rock. Thanks soo much!

Phew, 32 reviews! I can die happy! But I won't, YET, cause I still need to write more! Nehehe…

Welkin: Heaven, more or less.

* * *

Yeah right Brother, did you really expect me to get any sleep after _that?_

My head was too busy to rest, sleep was not an option. Plus I had the moon shining in my eyes, and owl-noises filling my ears, and I had to be careful not to swallow my mouthful of Brother's blond hair.

Brother…it was almost perfectly surreal to be able to reach out and touch him, whenever I wanted, without that..."aura" of being off-limits. And for him to feel the same, and for him to maybe _want _me too…? It was like a dream, but not, I should be happy! I have every reason to be happy, but still I only worried, worry was going to get me sick one day. He seemed so..._okay_ about the whole thing, almost a little _too _okay, and his cheerful reasurance wasn't quite enough. I had this dreadful thought that _maybe, _he was still putting on an act, to not hurt my feelings.

But, when you think about it, as children we were never really taught the boundaries of a relationship. No father, and mother died before we were old enough to worry about stuff like that. Then when we were growing up we too immersed in alchemy and the military to really pay attention to girls, or worry about dating. We had _no _social life, so the only choice we had was to form a stronger bond with each other. At least, that's what I think.

And maybe…maybe Ed loved me so much as a brother, that he could love me equally as his…lover. Maybe.

Back in reality, by the way, we were both sleeping on our sides facing each other, so close I couldn't move without brushing up against him.

Deciding to forget my worries for a while and have a little fun, I picked up a stray lock of his hair and loosely twirled it around my finger. He responded by grumbling in his sleep and made a swatting motion with his hand. I pushed back his hair and smiled, nuzzling closer to his chest, practically swooning like a schoolgirl at the feel of scarred skin.

Almost involuntarily, I planted a kiss where the metal port of his arm connected with the rest of his body. I traced my finger over his healed wounds, they were like a map of his life right there in front of me. This one from teacher…this one from Barry the Chopper, and the Slasher Brothers…this most recent one from Envy…

I accidentally traveled too far to his side and he squirmed under my touch. "Mmrrr…tickles…" he slurred in his sleep.

"Sorry Brother…" I whispered apologetically.

"'so kay…" In two seconds he was still again.

I'd better at least try to sleep, it's going to be light in just a few hours. Good night…

For the first time in months, I was able to close my eyes and instantly fall into slumber.

* * *

When I opened my eyes again the clock read eleven thirty. Wow, it's so late… 

Neither Brother nor I had budged an inch, so we were all tangled up together when I awoke. I carefully maneuvered out of his arms, trying not to disturb him, but he was sleeping like a rock anyway. I threw my arms up and stretched, stiff from sleeping so long. I looked back down at Brother and grinned, his bangs were all over his face and the rest of his hair was either tangled or sticking up at odd angles.

I bent down and placed a mushy kiss on his forehead, pushing his bangs out of the way again. My planned backfired, though, as his eyes sluggishly opened up.

"Morning," I said happily, "Did you sleep well?"

"I was until some rude person woke me up..."

"Come on Brother, it's almost noon."

"So? It's too _early…_" He blindly grappled out and pulled me back down next to him. "Sleep more…" he whined.

I laughed at his lightheartedness and said in equal mischief, "But if I stay here who's going to make breakfast? Aren't you hungry?"

"Hmm…Al or food, Al…food…"

He rolled on his side. "I'm in the mood for eggs."

I huffed and lightly smacked him on the head. "Should've figured, always thinking of your stomach!"

"Hey," he said trying to hide his laughter, "Business before pleasure, my dear Al."

"Yeah yeah, very well, eggs it is your _highness_."

"Damn straight," he said, burying his nose under the covers.

I shook my head and pulled on some slippers before heading from the safety of a warm bed to the freezing area around. The snow from yesterday hadn't melted yet and looked as lovely as ever, maybe I can actually make him go outside with me today…

I nervously wrung my hands together while I was getting out a bowl from the cupboard. What will life be like for us now, I wonder? We can never _tell_ anyone, that's for sure. We couldn't get affectionate in public, even if no one knew we were related it would still be…looked down upon. Couldn't get married, but I suppose we already share the same last name… everything's going to be so complicated from now on…

I heard a loud yawn and the door to the bedroom opened again. Brother walked out in an almost zombie-like state and headed straight for the bathroom, grumbling something fierce about how much he hated his hair. When the door closed again I couldn't help but grin.

Well…no matter how secretive we have to be, or how others might think of us, or how "complicated" things get…it'll be worth it.

Like he said, we'll just have to make it work.

* * *

"I can't believe this crap," Brother grumbled, clean and finally awake, his plate empty, and his nose stuffed in the morning paper. 

"Can't believe what?"

"Look!" He angrily flipped his paper around for me to see a huge close-up of the Fuhrer's face.

"It's Roy. So?"

"So! Have you heard what all these media dolts are saying about him? They make him sound like the best thing that's ever happened to Amestris!"

"Let me see that," I said, taking the paper and scanning over the article. "Hmm…trying to form a parliament with the old Council…reducing troop movement on the Eastern front…relaxed laws for the Ishbalans in the camps…sounds pretty good to me Brother."

"Whatever…I know he's planning something…"

I rolled my eyes. "You're just paranoid."

He got a look like he had swallowed something sour. "Taking someone else's side over mine again, typical Alphonse…but you know," he said, mischief in his tone, "a little while back, before I knew any better, I was under the impression that you _fancied_ him."

"_What!" _I cried, face turning warm, "That's crazy! He's like, what, twenty years older than me! Not to mention _your_ boss! That's, that's, _distubring_!" I instantly saw the irony in that statement.

"Relax, I was _teasing_ Al. Besides, if he laid a single finger on you I'd kill him, Fuhrer or not."

I reddened even more, for some reason that comment made me really, _really_ happy.

"Well…let's try to get our minds on something else, hm?" I said, escaping from the conversation, "How about we go outside? The snow's going to melt in a few days."

"No. I hate snow, and good riddance to it."

"But it's so _nice_ out-!"

"NO."

"Please?"

"No!"

"C'mon…Brother!"

"I am not going outside and that is _final_!"

* * *

"I hate you so much right now Al..." 

Brother trudged along beside me wrapped up in half a dozen coats, looking quite put-out.

"Cheer up Brother!" I said happily, "Look, it's a beautiful day, the air is fresh, and it's only for a little while. Besides, you don't get out enough, being stuffed up inside all day isn't good for you."

"Hn, well inside is _predictable_. It's never too hot, and never too cold, and it never makes limbs ache like _something _is doing right now!" He pretended to shake his fist at the sky.

I could safely assume he was talking about the snow. If anyone disliked the cold more than me, it was Brother. It made his auto-mail arm and leg stiff and hard to move, which then in turn made him _extremely_ grouchy. Even as we walked I noticed he had a slight limp.

He made a frustrated noise and flopped down in the snow, rubbing his metal arm.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Damn rusty metal…I can barely move this stupid thing. Just give me a sec to work it out, okay?"

"Of course, take your time."

I crouched down next to him. "If it's that bad, we can go back…"

"Naw, see? I can move again," he said, standing back up.

"It must get difficult," I offered, "Putting up with it all the time."

He shrugged. "I've gotten used to it. Besides, it's certainly saved my hide more times then I can count. But I don't want to talk about it now, let's change the subject."

I opened my mouth to argue but decided against it.

"Hm...oh, hey! Remember yesterday? Before all that stuff happened? You ran in all excited like you wanted to tell me something?"

I raked my mind as to what occurred before, as he eloquently put it, _all that stuff._

Ah, of course, the transmutation I did!

"Oh! I almost forgot!"

I glanced around for a good place to show off my new-found alchemy powers. I spotted the frozen river and got an idea, running over to it with Brother in tow. I dropped to my knees and Ed stood next to me watching intently. When I clapped my hands together his eyes widened, then I pressed them to the ice and a blue electricity shot out.

The ice split and huge gush of water blasted into the air. "Whoa!" Ed shouted.

I was so proud, I could do alchemy just like him now, but just as I was about to say "ta da" gravity took over and said water fell back on us, the bulk of it landing on Ed's head. He yelped at the cold and glared at me.

"Um...oops?" I offered.

"D-darnit Al!" he shivered, arms crunched against his chest, "Use some sense will ya?"

"Sorry...guess I still have a few kinks to work out."

"No kidding, but still…I'll admit that was pretty amazing. Guess transmuting without a circle runs in the family, eh?"

I frowned. "You know what it is Brother, it's the Gate that gave me this."

He snorted. "You make the Gate sound like a good thing Al, trust me, it has its ways of stabbing you in the back."

I sighed and wrapped him up in my scarf so he would stop complaining. "Thanks…" he muttered.

"Hey," I said, "Do you want to walk into town while we're out? It's not even two miles from here, and the exercise would warm you up again."

"But the bridge is all the way in the other direction. How are we going to cross the river?"

"Walk across the ice, of course."

"What! You don't know how stable it is!"

"Don't worry, I slid around on it all day yesterday and nothing happened."

He still looked skeptical, but said, "Fine, let's just hurry and go."

I trotted out a ways with no problem, leaving Ed to carefully wobble behind me, slipping and sliding awkwardly on the ice.

"Do you need some help?" I offered.

"No, of course not!" he said, his arms flailing about to keep his balance.

"Aw, c'mon, here I can hold onto your hand while you-"

"I _don't_ need any _help,_" he said firmly. He tried to hurry up next to me and prove his point, but suddenly his foot must've gotten caught in a crack in the ice. Before I knew it, he had fallen flat on his face.

"Brother!" I cried, hurrying over, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" he snapped, more from embarrassment then anger. He tried to pick himself up but only ended up falling down again.

"Here, don't move! Let me see…"

It was his auto-mail leg that had caused him to fall. I carefully pulled off his shoe to inspect it, and was horrified to see that his foot was completely bent in the wrong direction. I picked it up and rotated it around, much too easily. "I think a screw came loose in your foot, it's like it's not fully attached to the rest of the leg."

"Great," he grumbled, "Just great, guess we'll have to head over to Winry's house instead, huh?"

"I'm…so sorry Brother, this all my faul-"

"Ah, don't give me that, it was me who was careless. Now help me get on my feet."

I heaved him up and dusted the snow off his jacket.

"Want me to carry you?" I offered, completely serious.

"NO," he said reddening, "I can still walk, sheesh Al."

* * *

Ed refused any help all the way there. I kept hovering around him so when he stumbled he had something to hang on to, then he would scowl and shoo me away, insisting again he was fine. This cycle continued until we reached Winry's house. 

Brother wasted no time hobbling over and banging on the door. A flurry of footsteps followed and the front flew open.

"Welco-!" Winry's greeting stopped halfway through when she saw Ed.

"Oh, it's just you. What do _you_ want?"

"Nice to see you too Winry. I busted my leg, you're my mechanic so get with the fixing."

"Fine, come in. But only because you're a paying customer!"

She turned away from Brother and grinned at me. "Hi Al! How are you doing?"

"Urm, fine Winry." Why is she being nice to me?

"Good, good!" When she noticed Ed still standing there she said, "Go on! Go to the room, you know which one!"

Ed growled but hobbled away. "Maybe I should help…" I said.

"Naw, he's fine, I'll look at him right now. Just sit and make yourself at home."

"Uh, sure. Thanks Winry."

I had a weird feeling in my stomach as I sat down, like I was missing something, but that was ridiculous wasn't it? Of course it was, I just needed to sit here until Winry was finished with Ed's leg. No problem.

What seemed like only a short time later I heard the door open and close. Thrilled that Brother was done already, I jumped and began, "That was fast! Are you ready to-"

Then I found it was only Winry, and to my dismay, she was carrying both Ed's arm and leg in her arms.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked hurriedly, "Is there something wrong with his arm too?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing's wrong Al, I just figured I'd give both a tune-up while he's here."

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh, phew, that's good…I'm going to go see him now, okay?"

"Ah, wait a second Al," she said, depositing the auto-mail against the couch, "Can I talk to you, please?"

My eyes lingered on Ed's door but still said, "Sure, I guess. What is it?"

She sat down beside me and began, a little absent mindedly, "That Ed, the problem is that he bent his foot all the way over when he fell, and that with the cold snapped it almost clean off. I've told him a hundred times he needs to be careful when it's cold outside! It makes his auto-mail less pliable and it could break very easily. He's lucky his entire leg didn't come off."

"Yes, and?" I said impatiently.

"Oh, sorry, getting off topic. Well, I guess I really wanted to ask you is, erm…you and Ed are…close, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

"Of course," I said without hesitation, but feeling slightly panicked, "We've always been close, we are brothers after all."

"That's…not quite the "close" I meant Al," she said quietly.

Now I _was_ panicked. "What are you talking about Winry?" I asked, trying to keep calm.

Her eyes looked sad for about a split second, then she must have decided to try at a different angle. "You don't like girls much, do you?"

"I like girls plenty," I said quickly.

"Yeah, but you've never had a _crush_ on a girl before, right?"

"Um, uh…"

"You don't have to talk, just hear me out. Hmm…" she scratched her head, "Do you remember when we were kids and you and Ed _always_ hung out together? I never saw you without Ed and never Ed without you, and you were always holding hands or hugging and stuff like that, even when you got teased by the other kids. I was a little jealous, to tell you the truth, because I didn't have a brother or sister of my own."

She paused. "Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't know what it's like to have a sibling, so I can't pass judgment on a, uh, _relationship_ they might have."

My stomach had twisted itself into knots. Does she _know?_ How!

"What I'm trying to say, is that it's none of my business what kind of relationship you and Ed have behind closed doors. I was a little worried about you at first I suppose…but now I see I don't have to."

She patted my shoulder. "Congrats Al!" she said cheerfully, "I'm sure you'll be very happy."

_Huuuh?_ I was completely stunned. Just smile and nod…

"Yeah, thanks Winry, but I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about…"

She laughed. "Oh, of _course_, whatever you say Al. Now go see Ed. Oh! But be warned, he's probably going to be a bit cranky."

"Okay, thanks again."

How did she figure it out! Did I give any signs? Any hints? No, of course not! What about Ed? What exactly were they talking about in there! Jeeze…at least she didn't seem too bothered by it…

Coming to Ed's door, I sighed and tried to banish my worries and knocked. "What?" a grumpy voice replied.

"It's me Brother. May I come in?"

He mumbled something which I translated as a yes. I opened the door and went inside.

He was sitting on the bed, scrunched up in an insecure ball wearing nothing but his shorts. His clothes were piled neatly in the corner.

"How are you feeling?" I offered, sitting down next to him.

"Like crap, and it's only going to get worse. Thanks for asking."

He visibly bit his lip and closed his eyes. "...sorry. That came out a little harsh."

"Don't worry about it."

He massaged his temples. "Winry wanted to try this new drug on me, said it would help the pain when she put my limbs back on, but it's giving me a massive headache..."

"I'm sorry Brother, is there anything I can do?"

"Naw, but that's okay."

He scooted closer to me and rested his head on my shoulder. "So what did Winry want with ya? I heard you two talking."

"Nothing much..." I bit my lip and prayed he wouldn't call my bluff.

He didn't. "Hmm...kay..."

I reached up and felt his forehead. "You're a little warm..."

"Just the medicine..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

_He sounds so tired_ I thought. I lightly caressed his hair and heard him "hmm" pleasantly in my shoulder.

_Guilty_. That's the feeling in my gut, the one that kept nagging me while I was waiting, the one that was eating me up right _now_. I was whole, complete, while he was not. He still had to suffer. Even just looking at him like that, missing an arm and a leg, looking so sad, made me uneasy. The worse part was, I couldn't do much about it.

See, I have this picture of him in my head, strong and confident, able to take on the world, and I wasn't used to seeing him so..._helpless. _I subconsciously held him closer.

"What is it?" he asked, when he noticed how quiet I was being.

"Just thinking," I said, "Um...you know Brother, I haven't forgotten my promise to get back your arm and leg."

"Don't say stupid things Al," he muttered.

"But I haven't," I continued insistently, "You kept your promise and I need to keep mine. I hate seeing you like this! I've been doing some research…"

"I said put a cork in it Al. I don't want you messing around with that stuff anymore, forbidden alchemy and that damned Gate. Things are fine just the way they are."

"But!"

He pinched my lips together. "I'm your older brother and I say _hush_. You're spoiling the moment with that nonsense."

"What are you talking about?" I tried to say, but it proved difficult as my mouth was sealed shut.

He responded by releasing my mouth and burying his head in my shoulder, muttering something I couldn't quite catch.

I gave up and patted his back. "Are you _sure _you're okay Brother?" I asked again, "You're awfully cuddly, which is strange for you."

"Don't call me cuddly," he grumbled.

"Why not?" I coaxed.

"I don't know, just don't. It's like calling me "pretty" or something..."

"But you _are_ pretty Brother," I teased.

"Shut up Al!" he snapped. I laughed like crazy and managed to get a small smirk from him. Mission accomplished.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Oy, Ed and Al, are you guys in there?" called Winry from outside. "Ed's arm and leg are ready, I'm coming in."

* * *

Of course I was shooed out eventually, Winry and Aunt Pinako never let me be there when they put Ed's limbs back on. Then again, I don't think Ed wants me there either. They don't want me to see him in pain, and Brother doesn't want to see me upset. Something like that. 

But…I would rather be with him then out here, _waiting_. The waiting was the most painful part for me, it was always the same. The tense seconds until either Winry or Aunty went inside, carrying Ed's arm and leg, the silence that came after, then finally Ed's choked cry that I knew he always tried so hard to keep down…

It never got easier, and I always hated it.

When Aunty finally opened the door and motioned for me to come inside, I wasted no time hurrying in.

"I'm sorry," said Winry as I entered, I wasn't sure if it was to me or Ed, "That medicine didn't work as well as we thought it would…but Ed can go home anytime he feels better."

"I'm well enough to travel," Ed growled. For a second he looked like he had aged ten years.

Despite how tough he was acting, he leaned on me like a crutch all the way home.

* * *

Ed stumbled through the front door and instantly collapsed on the couch. I followed suit and sat next to him, helping him take off his jackets. When he was comfortable I felt his forehead again, it was still warm. 

"You still have a bit of a temperature," I said.

"Yeah, well, I still feel horrible. I'm never being a guinea pig for Winry _again."_

He fell face down in my lap. "Make me feel better Al…" he whined.

"What do want me to do?"

"I dunno…just let me sit here for a while…"

"Okay…" I soothed, "Just relax…"

After a while I asked, "Want me to rub your shoulder? You say it always aches when your arm's put on again."

"Yeah, that sounds nice…"

I snaked a hand under his shirt and began to massage his shoulder, extremely careful not to touch the metal parts. He quickly started to unwind.

"Mm…how did you get to be so good to me Al?" he mumbled, "You put up with me all day then you're still sweet as ever."

I smiled. "It's the least I can do, and you're worth it to be good to. I love you Brother." My words almost got stuck in my throat, I still wasn't use to saying that…

Then suddenly he sat up, a rather blank look on his face but his eyes all seriousness.

"What is it?" I asked, worried, "Is something wrong?"

Without so much as a warning he grabbed out and yanked me forward, pulling me flush against him. I could only blink in puzzlement, my limbs hanging useless.

"Brother?"

"Don't leave me again," he said, his voice tense and sad, "Don't do something stupid and leave me again, I don't think I'd be able to handle it."

"I'm not going anywhere…"

He smothered me to his chest. "It wouldn't be worth it if you disappeared, it wouldn't, there'd be no point…"

"Brother, don't say things like that! You're starting to scare me, maybe that medicine did something funny to your head."

I felt his body exhale. "I'm…I'm sorry Al," he said, voice suddenly calm again. He loosened his grip, "I was just…filled with this horrible thought that something bad was going to happen to you…"

He sighed and I felt him relax once more. "It's probably some post-stress thing, I didn't mean to scare you…"

"It's okay," I said, "Just…don't do it again."

I felt his body chuckle. "Promise."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead, murmuring "my sweet little brother…" and felt my legs turn to mush. He kissed down to my cheek, chin, and I almost fainted when he moved to my neck, it felt so weird, but so nice…

"You're skin tastes like the snow, Al," he said with a playful smile, "If you keep spending so much time outside you're going to turn into an ice cube."

I shivered. "That sounds horrible..."

He laughed and kissed me on the lips. Is it possible to taste laughter?

He kissed me again…

and again…

and again…

Until our lips were swollen and neither of us was capable of walking.

With nothing else to do we collapsed back onto the couch, breathing together in perfect sync.

"_I love you, so much, Alphonse…_"

Maybe there was such a thing as peace after all.

* * *

Whee he he…smoochies… Ed can be a romantic when he wants to, neh? 

(Clears throat) Well, hope that was worth the wait. I have noticed the pattern of when I say "Oh the next chapter will be out real soon!" I don't get around to writing it until much later. So as not to jinx myself, I won't give an estimate. (nods) See ya!


	10. Cataglottism

Cataglottism: French kissing, kissing using the tongue. That should give you a mega hint about this chapter, neh? Hehehe…

This was yet another section I had a too much fun writing. Silliness, romance, and the ever-persistent fluff awaits ye. The loveliness!

I'm going to have to cut my author commentaries short there, it's two in the morning where I am and I have to wake up kinda early tomorrow. So sorry to my lovely reviewers that I didn't get a chance to respond to! (Bows frantically in apology.)

* * *

There is a certain _art _to kissing.

And those who say otherwise have probably never had a really good kiss before. It takes practice, patience, and maybe even a bit of luck to be able to kiss really, _really _well. That of which I've yet to achieve, but I'm working on it.

At first kissing was, or, I guess the proper term would be _making out_... yes, making out was a very weird experience, at the start. Honesty for a while I couldn't decide if I really liked it or not, but then again I was so focused on doing everything _right_ that I didn't have enough thought process left to actually enjoy it. But when I started to get "better," I could actually sit back and like it, without my mind worrying itself in a million directions.

Of course, Brother was the kind of person to pick the whole thing up instantly. Trust me, he's the really, _really_ good kissing type. One small peck on the lips and I turn into putty. Darn him and his quick learning abilities, it figures huh?

So with him being the, how shall I say, _dominant_ figure in our relationship, I'd feel awkward about confiding my kissing insecurities. Specifically whether he thought I was good at it or not. I don't say anything mostly for the fear of being mocked but, maybe I could count on him to be a little understanding. It's weird, he's been a perfect gentleman in… _that_ department, ever since we've started this serious relationship. I know for a fact he would never, ever, ever do anything I didn't want to do. Our passion has never gone below the waistline, so to speak. Besides, we're still very young, there's plenty of time for _that_ later.

But we amuse ourselves with other things. Sometimes when we're…um…kissing, see, right after he's taken a shower and he still has his hair down, if he leans over me just right his hair falls over both our faces. It gets into my eyes and my mouth, tasting like shampoo and silk. It's a curtain, I like to think, a protective curtain that keeps our little secret safe from the world, that keeps us securely fastened together and others from getting in. Kinda silly…

One night I irrationally blabbed the whole hair thing all out to Brother, but to my amazement he didn't laugh at me. He just said "hmm" in his lazy, satisfied voice and continued the kissing. However, after that I knew he made an extra effort to fiddle with his hair, or be brushing it or something, anytime I was around. Oohh, he's such a tease sometimes! He knows it drives me nuts, it's always soft and smells so nice… slides through your fingertips like water, and sweeps across in all the perfect places.

"Al?"

It gives goose bumps when it touches your skin, and yet it manages to still be so warm, and…. and…

"Alphonse, you okay?"

"Hmm…?" I asked dreamily.

"You've been starring at the top of my head for the past twenty minutes." He smiled coyly, "What? You want me to _do_ something?"

"N-no! What would give you that idea?"

He rolled his eyes. "No reason…"

"Don't you have work to do Brother?"

"Now you're trying to get rid of me? I'm so hurt!"

I chunked a couch pillow at him. "I'm serious! Your deadline's coming up real soon!"

"Yeah yeah, very well, I'm leaving see? You can go back to your weird fantasy, fetish, whatever now, yeesh."

"I was not….!"

"Later Al!" He slammed the basement door behind him.

Presumptuous little… who am I kidding? I can't trust him to be sensitive about anything! I just won't talk to him about the insecurity business, I don't need another reason for him to taunt me. I shall be the proverbial closed vault.

* * *

I grabbed Brother by his shoulders and pushed him up from me, our mouths breaking contact. With my first gulp of air I blurted, "Brother am I a good kisser!"

"Hu…huh? What?" he asked, looking dazed.

"Um, um, I just wanted to, uh, ask if you thought I was…good at…kissing…"

"Eh? You're fine at kissing Al. What? Is that why you've been so skittish lately?"

"Um…kind of…"

"Trust me Al, if you were lousy at it I would say something."

I sighed. "Should've figured…"

His expression above me softened. "Don't take it the wrong way," he said, brushing a metal hand across my face, "I just know you'd want me to be honest, right?"

"Yes, honest, of course…"

There was an awkward pause. "Um, sorry Brother, guess I kinda killed the mood, didn't I?"

He grinned. "Not necessarily…"

He bent down again and nuzzled my neck, planting rough little kisses along my skin.

My insides shuttered but I managed to whisper, "Brother… careful, my blood seal…"

"I know, don't worry," he breathed, mouth moving back to mine. We continued where we left off, with the kissing and holding, until we said our goodnights and drifted to sleep.

* * *

"_Brother!_" I thundered from the bathroom, "Get in here this instant!"

He stumbled in still half asleep. "Hn… what is it Al?"

"What is the meaning of…of…this!" I demanded, pulling back my shirt and pointing at my skin.

"I don't see anything."

"Right there! Look, right there! And there…and _there!"_

"And here?"

"Yes!"

He scratched his head and squinted. "It looks like something bit your skin."

"_Exactly,"_ I hissed, "And _who_ do you suppose did that Brother?"

"…oops."

I frowned. "Honestly, sometimes I think you have nonexistent self-control when it comes to stuff like this…"

I yanked back my collar even further and inspected my neck in the mirror. "I mean, how am I going to cover these up? Maybe I'll just wear my scarf all day…"

"Why bother? Who's going to see you?"

"I was planning to go over to Winry's house today… Shoot, I can't even do that! She'll ask all sorts of questions if I keep my scarf on inside. Wonderful…"

Brother laughed and looped his arms around my front. "Well it appears I've thwarted your plans once again, huh?"

"Yes. You did," I pouted.

"Aww, want me to make it up to you?"

"And get more of these? No thanks!"

"Now whose mind is in the gutter? It doesn't have to be something like that."

"Well what else did you have in mind?"

"I dunno I could…clean the dishes, make the bed, get the mail…hey I'll get the mail! I'll be right back!"

"But…"

He zipped out of the room and I heard the front door open and slam shut.

Well, it wasn't the most useful job I could've given him, or the most labor intensive, but I guess the mailbox is nearly half a mile down the road…

"Al…Al! Hey Al get out here! You're never going to believe this!"

What now? "Coming!" I called. Did something that exciting come in the mail? No, he couldn't have gotten there already, no matter how fast he was running.

"What is it Broth-"

I opened the door and beheld before me.

A shiny, brand new, flawless, state of the art…

Car.

A _car?_

"Brother this isn't…_yours?"_

"It is now!" he said triumphantly, "Isn't it great? No more walking or taking the train everywhere, no more traveling around in the freezing, stupid cold, we finally have mobility!"

"But Brother, how in the world did you afford this?"

"I didn't, check it out," he said, shoving a note into my hand.

Still stunned that…that there was _car_ in front of me, I unfolded the paper and started to read.

_Dear Fullmetal,_

Oh dear.

_Dear Fullmetal,_

_Happy late Birthday._

_Get out of the house and enjoy yourself once in a while. It should be big enough for Al to fit in as well._

_Sincerely,_

_Fuhrer Roy Mustang_

_P.S. I might be having a special assignment for you soon, so keep yourself available. _

Roy, but of course. What a model Fuhrer, giving that kind of present to a short-tempered sixteen year old…

"It feels wrong saying this, but I think Mustang just went up a notch in my book. That puts him at notch number one of course, but who's counting? Ha! Guess it pays sometimes that you're on good terms with the most powerful guy in Amestris."

"But Brother," I urged desperately, "You can't drive!"

"Sure I can, look, Roy gave me a key and a nice official license…thing."

"No. Brother, you misunderstand me. You. Can't. _Drive._"

He frowned. "That's harsh Al. How hard can it be? C'mon, let's take it for a spin!"

"You mean actually _get_ in that thing…and drive around."

"Sure!"

"Thank you, but no."

"Al, stop being such a wuss and get in!"

"Oh… fine I guess…"

Against my extreme better judgment, I opened the door and crawled next to him in the front seat. I buckled myself in tight, saying a half-hearted prayer, and closed my eyes as I heard the engine blast on.

* * *

"Al, you okay? You're awfully pale over there."

"Keep your eyes on the road Brother!" I gasped, gripping onto the seat for dear, dear life.

"Calm down, will ya? I'm not even going thirty, on a huge dirt road, in the middle of nowhere that is Rizenbool."

"But, but, there might be another car coming soon! Or you could drive into a ditch or hit a tree or… you could hit a cat! I wouldn't be able to _look_ at you ever again if you hit a poor little kitty!"

"I'm not going to hit anything, animate or non."

I allowed some oxygen to enter my lungs. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Well, you said you wanted to go over to Winry's, right? You've got your scarf on, and we'll be over there in no time with this thing."

"I guess that's okay… but hey while we're out, if you promise to be careful…!"

"I'll be careful, I'll be careful…"

"Then could we take a quick detour to the market?"

"What for?"

"We're running low on food. Currently the only things we have for dinner are oranges and stale bread."

"Bleh, that sounds appetizing, why the shortage?"

"The last time we tried to go there? You slipped and broke your foot, remember?"

"I'd rather not actually. Okay, to the market we go, and try to relax for a change will ya Al?"

I glared at him, but felt my grip lessen on my seat.

* * *

I finished loading in the last bag and shut down the trunk.

"Well… I hate to admit it Brother, but we never could've carried this stuff home by ourselves."

"You see? This car is a thing of beauty, not to mention the most useful birthday present I've ever gotten."

My eyes narrowed. "Brother..." I began.

He glanced over. "What?"

"You know even though I probably couldn't have gotten you a car, I was still very much willing to get you a present when it was actually your birthday. Except you didn't want anything!"

"Oh… erm… yeah, guess I kinda forgot about that."

"Obviously."

"So I was in a bad mood for it this year, so what? What are you getting so worked up about anyway?"

I got into the passenger side and rather roughly shut the door.

He poked his nose through the open window. "You aren't… _jealous, _are you?"

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous of your fancy new toy? Something so nice and expensive that I never could've afforded to give you?"

"You are jealous. C'mon Al, I didn't say it was the absolute most favorite present I've ever gotten, I just said it was the most useful!"

When I said nothing he sighed and climbed into the driver's seat.

"Hey," he said, nudging my arm, "Remember my eighth birthday?"

"Vaguely. Why?"

"You saved up for two whole months to buy me the present I wanted, that huge, stuffed animal I saw in the shop. What was it? An elephant? Anyway, Mom thought it was too expensive but you bought it anyway. I tell you, no matter how much I bashed that thing around it didn't loose a single stitch. Now _that_ was my favorite birthday present ever, hands down, much better than this hunk of metal."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better…" I mumbled, but couldn't help smiling.

"Maybe… is it working?"

"Almost."

He smirked and started up the car, I was still a little uneasy but decided to try and not worry. I heard it sputter to life and we were just about to drive away, but suddenly a woman came up and tapped on our window.

"Someone you know Brother?" I questioned.

"Nope, never seen her before."

"Well, let's roll down the window and see what she wants."

The window down, she warily leaned in and said, "Um… I'm terribly sorry to bother you but… my daughter was sick today and I had to take her to the doctor, but my husband had the car so we had to walk to the office. Our house is only a couple more miles down the road so, if it wasn't too much trouble, do you think you could… give us a ride back?"

Brother looked bewildered, but just as he was about to say something she added. "My daughter says she knows one of you."

I craned to look out the window and saw a small girl next to her, completely bundled up, nothing visible save her eyes and nose.

"Oh… oh! Brother, that's the little girl I met, the one Winry was babysitting? What was her…? Calli! You're Calli's mother?"

"Yes!" she said in a burst of relief, "Thank goodness, I didn't want to make Calli walk all the way back home… of course, if you can…?"

"Of course," I answered quickly, "Please get in."

Ed looked a little bothered. "What is it Brother?" I whispered as they climbed in the back.

"Alphonse, I'm not sure I can cart around a mother and her sick child!" he hissed, "I mean, I've been officially driving now for only half an hour!"

I glared and said, still keeping my voice down, "So you're okay with risking _my_ life but when it comes to two complete strangers you get cold feet?"

"No! I just meant-"

"Is something wrong?" Calli's mom asked from the back.

I turned around. "No, of course not! My brother um… he's just worried that he won't be able to… to… find where you live!"

She gave me an odd look. "It won't be that hard to find. Just follow this road and I'll tell you when to turn."

Brother shook his head and finally started to drive.

I turned to Calli sitting next to her. "Hello Calli," I said cheerfully, "It's nice to see you again."

She just nodded. "Uh huh, hullo Alphonse. 'M sick you know."

"I heard," I said sympathetically.

"It kinda stinks, but it's worth it if I get to miss school."

I laughed and turned to her mother, "Do you know what she has?"

"Chickenpox. She probably got it from one of her friends, but I guess its better she gets it now than latter."

"I had the chickenpox when I was little…" Brother vaguely threw in.

She forced a smile. "So um… you said that you two were brothers…?"

"Yes, we haven't really had a chance to fully introduce ourselves have we? I'm Alphonse Elric, and this is my older brother Edward."

"Edward Elric?" she questioned, looking interested, "I think I've heard about you before… you were a State Alchemist in the Military if I remember correctly?"

"Yep, still am actually."

"I see, yes I do think I've read something about you in the paper." Brother was now secretly beaming up front. "Oh, this is our turn, our house is on this road."

There was a pause in the conversation. "So," I said, "How long have you lived in Rizenbool?"

"A few years. It's such a nice, quiet little place, my husband and I greatly prefer it to the city. And you?"

"We both were born here. We… left for a while when we were older, but now we have a house here, I guess it isn't too far away from yours."

She raised an eyebrow. "You two… _live_ together?"

"Um… yes we do," I said, feeling rather offended.

"Where are your parents in all this?" she inquired.

"Uh… um…"

Brother answered for me. "Our mother's dead, and our father left a long time ago."

She pursed her lips together and said nothing more until we got to their house.

"This is it," she said plainly. When the car stopped she rather quickly opened the door and hurried Calli to her feet.

"Well… thanks," she said, and walked into her house without another word, I didn't even get to say goodbye to Calli.

Brother blinked. "Well _thanks?_ Her voice was just _dripping_ with gratitude, don't you think?"

"She could have been a little more… grateful, I suppose, but Brother she didn't know us very well."

"So? We saved her a good three mile hike home! She didn't even tell us her name, and did you notice she turned into an ice queen _after_ we told her we lived together?"

"I think that we lived alone was the part she didn't like."

He grumbled.

"Let's just go home, I'm getting a little sleepy…"

"Sleepy? It's only four, and didn't you say you wanted to go see Winry?"

"I don't really feel like it anymore, actually…"

"Seriously? Okay, home we go. But you better not be saying this to get out of unloading the food in the back."

I leaned back in the seat and tried to keep my eyes opened.

* * *

When I woke up in the morning, a few days later, I felt even worse.

"I don't feel so well…" I mumbled, while a panic-stricken Ed hovered over my bedside.

"What kind of not well? Dizzy? Headache? Fever?"

"Well…I am a little warm, and my stomach feels weird…"

Brother paced and puzzled a bit on his own for a while, then his eyes widened like saucers. "Urm... Al? Remember when we gave that girl and her mother a ride home? And I was saying I had the chickenpox when I was really little? Well, I was so little I don't think you were even born yet, so…"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Think about it Al!"

"Brother, I'm fourteen years old, I can't have the chickenpox," I said gruffly.

"Age doesn't matter! If you haven't had it, you could get it anytime!"

"That's absurd."

"Oh no it isn't!"

"Uh, can we just stop arguing? My head hurts…"

"Aha! A headache is one of the first signs!"

"How do you know what the symptoms for chickenpox are? Which by the way, I still don't have."

"You're just in denial. I'll have to start stockpiling stuff like soup and orange juice and oatmeal, for baths you know? I think there are some more spare blankets in the closet, maybe I'll try to get my hands on a bed heater of some kind…" He continued ranting on, completely ignoring me.

"Listen," I interrupted, "if it'll make you feel better I'll stay in bed today, maybe I'll even take it easy for the rest of the week. But I'm going to be rather cross when it turns out I'm not sick."

"Fine with me," he said with a smirk.

* * *

Approximately two weeks later we found ourselves upon a similar scenario, with a few minor alterations…

"Brother this sucks."

"Alphonse…"

"Yeah yeah, I know exactly what you're going to say. "I told you so."

I was lying in bed, huge blankets piled on top of me, covered from head to toe in very large, red, itchy dots. It felt like ants were crawling and biting all over me, not to mention I felt absolutely _dreadful._

"I wasn't going to say that. I'm not going to taunt my little brother when he's in such obvious pain and discomfort and… itchiness."

"Not funny."

"Sorry…"

"This is all that darn cars fault! I knew getting it was a bad idea, if we didn't have that thing we never could've given Calli a ride home, and I would've never gotten sick!"

"Or you could just blame the guy who gave it to me in the first place, our lovely and powerful Fuhrer."

"Whatever… ugh, not only do they itch, now they're starting to hurt!"

"I know Al."

"And they're _everywhere._"

He raised an eyebrow. "Everywhere?"

"Yes Brother," I said dryly, "I have them _everywhere._"

"Even…? You know…"

"_Yes_."

"Ohh... my poor little baby," he cooed, "Do you want me to get another bath going for you? It helps, doesn't it?"

"Maybe…I don't know…."

"Well, how about something else? Another book? Something to eat? I think there are still some apples in the cupboard…"

I sniffled. "You're just looking for an excuse to leave."

"What? Oh no no no! What gave you that idea?" he asked with a laugh.

I pulled the covers up to my nose. "I'm covered in hideous red spots that make me look, and feel, like a rotten tomato."

"It's not that bad Al, honest! Here, let's try to get something in your stomach and I'll start a nice, hot bath, how's that sound?"

"You already suggested a bath Brother."

"I did?"

"Yes, actually."

He grinned. "Well, maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to see you without any clothes on…"

"_Brother!"_ I gasped. I felt mortified and threw the covers over my head.

"Oh Al, I was just kidding," he soothed.

"Exactly, because I'm too hideous to look at right?" I accused.

"No! I didn't mean it like… ah…" He cleared his throat and tried again. "You know I don't think that Al, don't put words into my mouth."

He reached under the covers and petted my hair. "And, urm, just for the record, I think you're very… well, you know..."

"What? Spit it out Brother."

"I think you're very attractive," he said plainly, then leaned back in his chair.

Hearing something that complimentary from Brother's mouth certainly got my attention. I slightly pulled down the blanket. "You mean it?"

"Absolutely. Even when you think you look like a tomato."

I pulled the blanket back down to my chin. "You're wonderful…" I murmured.

He smiled again and planted a long kiss to my forehead.

"I try."

* * *

Brother continued to treat me like a prince the whole time I was sick, it was almost déjà

vu of when I was struggling to get back on my feet when I got my body back. I was almost a little disappointed when my skin finally started to heal, but it was time to get back into the routine of things, lord knows I was getting restless in those last few sick days. And Brother had sure left the house a mess without me to nag him about it…

I was awoken one night to the sounds of furious scribbling and curses emitting from our basement.

I crept down the stairs to find Brother, wide awake, his pen moving rapidly across a piece of document, huge stacks of papers piled around him. I rubbed my eyes and asked, "Brother? What are you doing still working? It's almost three in the morning."

His pen stopped and he looked over to the stairwell, giving me a tired smile. "Well… I was so busy taking care of you the past few days, I kinda got behind on my paperwork. It's real tedious stuff, but it looks like I might have to pull an all-nighter."

"You have to do it all now?"

"Yeah, I need to send it out in the morning if I want it to get to Central on time. But!" he tried to smile again and stretched out his arms, "I've still got four more hours until daylight and enough caffeine in my system to keep me awake for a week, it'll be no problem!"

His smile managed to hang for a good five seconds before he groaned and collapsed on his desk.

"Oh… who am I kidding? I'm _doomed_, I'm never going to be able to finish it, especially in the state I'm in…"

I just sighed and smiled, walking over to him and kissing the top of his head.

"How about…" I said, beginning to lightly rub his shoulders, "You go upstairs and get some sleep, and I'll finish the rest of it for you?"

"Whaat? I couldn't let you do _that,_ what kind of lazy bum do you take me for? I'm not going to dump this all on you, especially since your still in recovery from your chickenpox escapade."

"I'm fine, really! It'd be no trouble at all, please."

He hesitated. "But…"

"No excuses mister, I can handle this. Now shoo!"

"I'm going I'm going… if you insist."

He paused only to kiss me, the long, deep kind that made my head spiral all over the place.

"Thanks Al, you've saved my hide yet again. What in the world would I do without you?" he said with a laugh.

"You're welcome. Now go to bed!"

"I'm going!"

I listened to the sound of his boots ascending the stairs, reaching out to pick up his pen and glancing at the workload before me. I wasn't going to lie, it was a lot of stuff to do, but my head was already swimming with all the extra bonus cuddling and whatnot Brother was going to owe me. Too late to change my mind anyway…

I drummed my fingers and chuckled to myself.

"Oh no, dear Brother," I barely whispered, "The question isn't what you would do without me, for how in the world could I live without you?"

* * *

Urm… that kind of unintentionally ended on a rather creepy note. Hehe, whoops, but I had to think of something.

In the next chapter the major plot development shall be finally set in motion! So there probably won't be another pure fluff chapter for a while. This may be good, this may be bad. Guess I'll find out, eh?

Cheers!

-ATA


	11. Serendipity

Yay! For this chapter, yet again, I had too much fun writing it. Way too much. I am noticing a pattern. The chapter title came to me almost instantly; serendipity. 'Tis the "gift of making useful discoveries." So there is much discovering in this chapter, and the introduction of one of my other favorite characters… I won't tell which one of course.

One thing related to the website: Is anyone having trouble inserting the little "bar" thing? I've been having to just copy and paste from one of my earlier chapters. Hopefully they'll fix it soon.

I thank all my lovely reviewers again. I love you guys! You are filled with awesomeness!

Onward.

* * *

I tilted my head to the sky and laughed.

"Well, well, well," I said in my grandiose voice, "What do we have here?"

I leaned back a bit. "Even now when I no longer have that armor to hide behind and have a normal, squishy, human body like you, even when I've barely done any serious training in months, and _even_ when I've just recovered from a horrible childhood disease…!"

"Just spit it out already…"

"I still managed to _beat_ you Brother!"

"Yeah, yeah, you're the frigging master of the universe. Now get the hell off of me!"

You see, this whole day had started when Brother finally took notice of the changing weather, how all the cold he and I despised was ever so slowly melting into spring. He had walked outside and stretched his arms, then came back in with this thought.

"Hm… what to do what to do, what is there to do on such a nice day?"

My ears quickly perked up. Me with my naiveties was hoping he was alluding to doing something romantic, like maybe a long walk or a picnic or a trip to the river or-

"I got it! Hey Al, what's the one thing we haven't done in _forever?_"

"Um, I'm not sure Brother, what?"

"_Spar!"_

Spar?

"Spar, Brother?"

"Yeah! We missed our ritual the last time I got my arm and leg repaired, remember? 'Cause it was way too cold and Winry drugged me up with that stupid medicine. But now we can finally make up for it!"

Fighting, of course. Heaving, sweating, beating the pulp out of each other. But then again, maybe that _was_ Brother's idea of being romantic…

"So change into something you don't mind dirtying up and meet me outside. Hey! This'll be the first time we've fought without that metal body of yours, huh? Haha! Oh this is going to be great!"

I decided to indulge him just this once; I changed my clothes and hurried outside where Brother was waiting for me in the nearby field. I didn't get a chance to say two words to him, however, for the second I got there he lunged at me full speed.

And so the match began, and ended fairly quickly too. One guess as to who emerged triumphant.

So where was I? Ah yes, I was just giving my victory speech while still sitting on Brother, who was currently pinned to the ground with a mouthful of dirt.

"You don't need to be so sour Brother, so I won again, so what? Even though you had such an obvious advantage over me, I was practically _helpless_ compared to before…"

"Shut up."

"Sore loser…"

"I just went easy on you," he proclaimed, "I didn't want to knock your teeth out then sleep on the couch for a month."

I smacked him on the head. "Liar!"

"Whatever, are you going to get off of me or not?"

"Hmm… no," I said defiantly, "I quite like it here actually."

I looped my arms around his head and hugged him. "You make quite a good cushion, Brother," I said teasingly. He didn't say anything.

"Brother?"

Without warning he suddenly lunged up with all his strength and knocked me backward. He whirled around and pounced back on me, pinning me under his weight.

"…Gotcha," he said simply.

"Hey," I growled, rubbing my head, "That was a cheap shot…"

"Just some much deserved revenge," he said, starting to grin.

"That's some pretty shallow revenge!"

"I guess I'm not very picky."

"Brother!"

He grinned even wider. He bent down and started nuzzling my neck, and I began to squirm as I felt something moist travel up and down my skin.

"Don't think you can get away with this by getting all mushy!"

"Oh really? Well it doesn't hurt to try…" he said, moving to start kissing on my ear.

I was torn. My head and my pride were telling me to just kick as hard as I could and knock him off, but all the other parts were saying, "Well, I'll just humor him for a little longer…" It was an annoying decision, but then all of a sudden I heard something that made it for me.

I thought it was only my imagination at first, but I heard it again a second time. It was a soft, sort of cooing noise in the grass area next to us, and I recognized what it was almost instantly. I started my struggle again against Brother and said, "Hey, do you hear that?"

"No," he simply replied, not even pausing.

"I'm serious Brother, get off! I really hear something!"

Hearing the sincerity in my voice he raised his head to look at me, but didn't get completely up.

"I still don't hear anything Al."

"Well if you get up I can probably show you."

His eyes narrowed. "You aren't just making this up are you?"

"No, unlike you, I don't play dirty."

He sighed in defeat and rolled off of me, flopping back into the grass. I quickly picked myself up and started crawling in the direction of the noise.

It didn't take too long to find. "Brother…" I called in a singsong voice, "Come over here and look!"

He slowly got up and shuffled over to where I was crouched, but his eyes widened when he saw what I held in my hands.

It was a kitten, probably only a day or so old, eyes not even unable to open yet, a little ball of black fuzz that I was carefully holding. I stole a glance around and said, "I don't see a mother or any other kittens around…"

"Uh huh…" Brother said slowly, eyes still big as saucers.

"He… oh, excuse me, _she _is pretty tiny, she must have been the runt of the litter, and was probably abandoned."

"Mm hmm…"

I cleared my throat, annoyed by his short replies. "She's dirty, and needs food, I think milk would do the trick if I transmuted to make it more nutritious," he visibly flinched, "And she needs a warm place to stay, or else she'll probably be dead in a few days. Goodness, maybe even a few hours…"

It finally hit Brother exactly what I was proposing. He quietly got up and dusted himself off, and said quite plainly in a monotone voice, "No way in hell Alphonse."

And thus our second fight had begun.

"Brother, give it some thought before you just dismiss me!"

He started walking away. "No!" he called over his shoulder, "I know you Alphonse, if I let one into our house, soon it will be two. Then three, than six, you don't know when to stop! So I'm putting my foot down right now!" Just to make his point, he stopped for a moment and stamped his foot on the ground.

I scowled and hurried over to him, being careful not to upset my precious bundle. "How can you be so cruel! How could you say no to such an innocent little face? Look!"

"I don't want to look!"

"Look at her! Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen? Admit it!"

"No!"

"You didn't even turn around! Brother…!"

"_Fine!"_

He whirled around and allowed his eyes to glance at the kitten in my hands. As he did, she wiggled around a bit and turned her head toward where he stood. Then suddenly, she let out the softest, cutest little _mew_ and snuggled back into my arms.

Brother looked like he was about to explode from frustration. His face scrunched up and he clenched his fists. He whirled back around again and said, very dejectedly, "…fine."

My face lit up. "Really! See Brother? I knew you couldn't resist that little face." I bent down over her and started cooing as we walked, "Yes... aren't you just the _sweetest_ little thing that ever was? Aww, yes you are! Oh yes you are!"

"Alphonse!" Brother snapped, "Cut it out before I change my mind!"

"Uh huh, whatever Brother… Yes, isn't he just mister grouchy today? Oh yes he his! But we forgive him right sweetie?"

He flung his arms in the air.

* * *

When we arrived back home, Brother instantly retreated to his sanctuary underneath the house. It was just as well, I didn't want to be disturbed while I was settling our new house guest in. The first thing I did was dig around in our closet for blankets and wrapped her up to keep her warm. Then I found a scrap of rubber and an empty glass jar and transmuted a rather crude little bottle I could use to nurse her. I took out my secret jug of milk that I kept under the sink (I didn't want Brother to have a fit every time he opened the refrigerator) and carefully poured a few drops inside.

Using alchemy once again to warm it and fill it with vitamins, I picked up the bundle on the table and held the bottle close to her mouth. Her pink nose twitched as she sniffed it, and I was immensely pleased when she began to cutely nibble and slurp at the bottle. When she was full, I took a warm, damp cloth and cleaned up her fur, trying to mimic like a mother cat would do. Then she recoiled into the blanket and fell back asleep.

That was how it went for pretty much the rest of the day. She would sleep in her makeshift bed, I would read or study or otherwise keep an eye on her, and when she woke up she would mew until I came to feed her again. A quick learner, I thought with pride. Then I would clean her, change her blankets, and then she went to sleep.

Brother only came up once to get something to eat, and looked rather begrudgingly at the wad of sheets on our table. He walked over and pulled back the blankets.

"I still don't see what the big deal is," he announced. I just glared and went back to my book.

But then she poked her nose out and sniffed at his fingertips, and gave them an affectionate little "kiss" with her tongue. Then she fell right back asleep.

He got that dissatisfied look again and fought not to say anything, then retreated back to his underground, feeling somewhat defeated I'm sure.

When it finally turned to night, I set up a little spot for her on the now unused bed in our room. I threw on some pajamas and crawled into my bed, waiting for Brother to come up for the night.

When Brother did come in, he wrinkled his nose at the lump in the covers. "So now it gets to sleep in my bed?" he grumbled.

"_She_ is sleeping in the _spare_ bed. We might as well get some good use out of that thing."

"What can't she sleep on the table like she was?"

My eyes narrowed. "Just hush up and come to bed. Honestly, you can be so heartless sometimes…"

His face reddened and he opened his mouth to argue, but swallowed his tongue and decided against it. He kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed, but must've still been mad for he turned his back to me and didn't say goodnight. I sighed and snapped off the light, deciding to take some initiative and snuggle up to his back.

"Brother?" I asked calmly.

"What."

I smiled and hugged my arms around his front. "Thank you Brother, I'm so happy we get to keep her…"

He didn't say anything, but didn't move away from my grasp. When his breathing grew steady, I knew he was asleep.

* * *

We were awoken in the middle of the night by a loud ruckus going on in the other bed. Our kitten was awake and crying a pitiful meow, I quickly hurried out of the covers to check on her.

"Stupid cat…" Brother grumbled tiredly, sitting up, "Doesn't she know night is for _sleeping_?"

"She just got a little scared," I defended. I picked her up and started to lovingly rock her back and forth. I added quietly, "She probably misses her mother… poor thing…"

Brother kept his smart mouth shut after that.

"Can you hold her for a while Brother? Maybe a bit of milk would help calm her down."

He humbly reached out and took her with a tenderness he usually reserved for me. I was about to dash off to the other room, but Brother said, "Hey wait Al, I think she actually might be calming down…"

He was right, she was silent now and steadily breathing in the blankets. I felt my heart turn to mush, looking at my adorable Brother holding my equally adorable new pet, so carefully, in his embrace. Regretfully, I gathered her back up, kissing her on the head and set her back down in her bed. Then I kissed Brother the exact same way, and pulled him down into the covers.

There was peaceful silence for the rest of the night.

* * *

Only a day or so later she opened her eyes for the first time, and only a few days after that she began to start wobbling around the house. I was absolutely delighted and tried to get Brother excited as well, but failed rather miserably.

It was exactly two weeks after we had found her that I realized I had yet to give her a name. I had just been calling her "kitten" for the past fourteen days. So I picked up this wide-eyed fuzzy ball one day and carried her down to the basement, where all are books were, with the purpose of finding her a name.

She took a quick liking to Brother's study and began playing around in the mounds of papers scattered about the floor. I hoped for my sake it was nothing important, but quickly shrugged it off. It they were of some value, it was Brother's own fault for being careless.

So I started rummaging through the volumes of books we had down there, hunting around for the perfect name.

"Let's see here… where to start?" I dictated aloud, "Most of these books are on alchemy and I'm not so sure how useful they'd be, unless I wanted to name you something like "transmute" or "molecule" or something!" I laughed, "No no, let's look somewhere else… hmm, maybe something in a different language? I've got a few Ishbalan books around here somewhere…"

I dug around in the back and happened to stumble across a book of ancient societies and cultures. "Hey," I said, "This might actually be pretty good."

I flopped back on the floor and started turning through it. Kitten by this time had jumped up on Brother's desk and was lightly scratching on the wood. I thumbed through to the middle section that seemed to be all about religion.

"Looks like these were all the names of gods… there's Ra, Shu, Ged… like any of those?"

Kitten yawned. "Yeah me too, let's find something a little more interesting. Moving on… Amon, Thoth, Isis, _Mut?_ Goodness isn't there something a little prettier?"

I flipped the page. "Nephthys is kind of pretty, but it's a bit of a mouthful…"

I flipped the page again. "Oh! Hey, what about this one? It's "Anubis," I think that's kind of nice, what does it mean?" I scanned over the paragraph, "The god of the dead and _embalming? _You've got to be kidding me! I don't think I want to name you that…"

Suddenly kitten jumped down and started to rub against my leg. "What? You like Anubis?" She rubbed her head again and purred.

"Really? Okay, Anubis it is!"

* * *

Besides a few little isolated incidents, like when Brother went down and half his papers had been destroyed, or when he woke up one morning and found a dead mouse on his chest, Anubis slipped in quite easily to our little family. I thought it was lovely to finally have a little pet I could take care of, even though Brother constantly denied any affection for it whatsoever. But I had secretly caught him more than once slipping her some of his food scraps at dinner, or rubbing her ears when he thought I wasn't watching…

Then one night, about a month after we had found her, I opened the door to take some trash outside, and Anubis bolted out from under my feet and nearly knocked me over. She dashed down the road and almost instantly disappeared under the light of a rapidly fading sun.

"Anubis!" I called, "Come back here!"

Loosing sight of her and beginning to worry, I dropped everything and started running after her. "Al!" Brother yelled after me, "Give it a rest, she'll come back when she gets hungry!"

I didn't listen to him and continued to pelt down the dirt street. I caught sight of her again as she dashed into this field of corn to the left, so I quickly followed suit.

"Anubis!" I could barely see anything with the tall stalks around me and the sun now almost gone beneath the horizon. I got down on my knees like an old man looking for his glasses, and started searching around. I heard a faint, growling noise not to far off and scurried over to the source. I was relieved to see it was Anubis amongst the plants. She was making an odd noise, however, and her little tail was twitching back and forth.

"There you are!" I said relieved, "You know better than to run off like that…! Anubis? What's wrong?"

Her ears were flat against her skull and her noises were turning into hisses. "What is it girl?" I whispered. I had no doubt that a cat's instinct was better than mine, so I knew something was there. Feeling too uneasy for my own good, I stood upright and plucked her from the ground.

But then as I turned to go, I felt something grab onto my leg.

I was so surprised I jumped and dropped Anubis, who darted off again in the direction of the house. I picked my legs up to run, but whatever it was didn't let go, and I ended up flat on my face in the dirt.

As I struggled to get up, I heard…

"Don't… move…" I sharply inhaled at the feminine voice giving these commands above my head. Terrified, I obeyed her.

She moved very cautiously, never once letting go of my trapped legs. A rough hand began to pat at my pockets. "If you're looking for money," I bravely hissed, "I don't have any."

"Quiet!" she barked. Did I detect a note of panic?

Trying keep my wits about me, as slowly as I could I maneuvered my hands together. If it turned violent, I wanted to make sure I had alchemy as my trump card. But suddenly I felt her freeze overhead, and heard her barely say,

"Alphonse…?"

"No it couldn't be," I heard her whisper to herself, "Is it possible?"

The weight on my back was now gone. "Stand up!" she demanded. I slowly rose to my feet.

"You aren't… Alphonse Elric, are you?"

Goosebumps rose on my neck. I had just been pinned by this psycho and now they knew my name? "How do you know that?" I demanded, "Who the heck are you?"

She said nothing for a while, then slowly, "…does the name, Marta, mean anything to you?"

I jumped and spun around, and sure enough, "_Marta?"_

She grinned. "In the flesh."

I was stunned. Laughing like a crazy at my own relief, I tackled her into a hug. "I can't believe it's you! I'm so relieved, I never thought I would see you again!"

Marta stood there awkward and stiff, and patted my back. "Nice to see you again too, big guy. Although I think you've shrunk a bit since the last time I saw you."

"Oh, yeah," I said grinning, pulling back away, "My Brother, you know, found a way to get my old body back." I figured I could trust her with this information.

She smiled, "Impressive, although I'm not very surprised…"

"Um, so how did you recognize me Marta?"

"I saw the blood seal on the back of your neck. I figured what the heck, it might just be you. Since your Brother was so dead set on getting you back to normal. How's the little blondie doing anyway?"

"He's doing fine. We're actually living together now, we've got a little house not to far away."

"Ah ha…"

"So, what are you doing out here anyway?"

"On the run from the damn military. Looking for that bastard Kimbley in between. You know, the usual. I figured Rizenbool was a safe place I could lay low for a while, I think I had heard you talking about it once."

I suddenly frowned. "Okay, now why did you try to _rob_ me?"

"Oh, urm, yeah, sorry about that," she apologized, "I was running a little short on cash, been living on this damn corn for the past four days. You were just the unlucky victim, think your cat smelled me or something, but for the record I wouldn't have killed you."

I laughed nervously. "I guess that's nice to know…"

I paused. "Listen, why don't you stay at our house for a while? Just to get back on your feet, sleep in a warm bed, get three square meals a day. What do you say?"

She hesitated and said, "Well, I don't know…"

"I'd be no trouble at all," I assured, "In fact, it would be kind of nice. Brother works all day, so it does get a little lonely sometimes. I have my kitty of course, but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to…"

She sighed. "Well shoot, how can I resist that face? Okay, I'll come and stay for a while. I appreciate it."

"No problem! It's this way."

We trampled out of the field and headed back down the road. I was relieved to see Anubis waiting for me at the doorway, she looked content but growled at Marta when she approached.

"Anubis! Sorry Marta…"

"Don't worry about it. Animals are usually wary around me, besides, if it weren't for this little fuzz ball I'd still be stuck in that field."

I smiled. "That's true. Please, come inside."

I lightly scooted Anubis in and called, "Brother! Are you still downstairs?" When I didn't hear anything, I poked my head into the bedroom and saw him fast asleep.

"Is he sleeping?" she whispered.

"Yeah, that jerk, he didn't even wait for me to come home," I grumbled, "Here, make yourself comfortable."

I opened the closet and rummaged around for a blanket. "Sorry we don't have a guest bedroom, there's only the one Brother and I sleep in so you'll have to stay on the couch."

"Don't apologize at all, this is… I think this is the nicest place I've stayed at in a very, very long time… But, Alphonse, one question, and don't take offense or anything but, why do you share a room with your Brother? Or rather, why haven't you two killed each other yet?"

"Oh! Well…" I said, trying desperately not the blush, "We actually get along… pretty nicely for brothers. And, um, we share a room, but we have separate beds of course." This was all technically true. We had our own beds, we just both slept in one.

"Gotcha, I was just curious. And, Alphonse, really. Thank you. You very… sweet."

"You're welcome. Help yourself to the fridge if you get hungry. Good night Marta…"

I crept into the bedroom and firmly shut the door, kicking off my shoes. Anubis was already curled up on the other bed. Too tired to change, I pulled back the covers and cuddled up to Brother. He muttered something that vaguely sounded like "where you been?" I kissed his shoulder and whispered, "Go back to sleep…"

He made a murmuring noise, and soon resumed his gentle snoring. My eyes grew heavy and I slipped into sleep.

* * *

I woke up to something pleasant and warm kissing my neck. I grinned and wiggled under Brother's embrace. "Morning Brother…" I murmured happily.

"Morning…" he said, "Mmm… have I ever told you how nice and cozy you are when you first wake up?"

"Why thank you…" I replied playfully, still feeling a little loopy as an aftermath of sleep. I rolled onto my side to give him a proper kiss.

"I'm feeling generous this morning," he announced, rubbing a hand through my hair, "Why don't I make breakfast? You can catch a few more z's if you like."

I yawned. "M'kay, thanks Brother…"

I felt the bed shift and light footsteps drummed into the hallway. I buried my nose back into the pillow and was ready to fall dead asleep again.

Then I remembered; I neglected to tell Brother we had another house guest. So I wasn't too surprised when I heard a commotion erupt from the living room.

"Who the hell are you? Don't come in here Al! Some crazy person is raiding our fridge!"

"Calm down short-stuff! Don't you remember me?"

"_Don't call me-!_ Gah! Get out of here before I throw you out you crazy-!"

"Alphonse get in here and help me out!"

"Wha? How do you know Alphonse? Hey! Did you do something to my little brother?"

"I haven't touched him! He's the one who invited me in here!"

"What! Alphonse are you up? Get in here!"

"Alphonse hurry up and call off you insane sibling!"

I grabbed the pillow and smothered it to my face, trying as hard as I could not to start laughing.

* * *

You knew Alphonse was going to get a cat at some point. It was inevitable. And remember many moons ago where I asked for kitty names I could use? I believe "Anubis" was volunteered by Rowan and Sakura, so many many thanks to her.

And Marta is here now! Yay Marta! She's one of my Double F's, Fave Females From FMA. Yay! Love Marta, she's cool. And you know what? If for some horrible reason there wasn't such a thing as Elricest (GASP) I'd probably be an Al/Marta fan. Whoa.

Anyway, I've started school again, grrr, so who knows when the next chapter will come. Sigh.

Cheers!

-ATA


	12. Fantods

_Yesh! _After much toil and worry and strife here it is, chapter twelve! Wahh!

I had to do some careful manipulation to add this chapter, for some reason FF wouldn't let me submit a new document. So I just backed up one of my old chapters, deleted the content, and pasted in this one. I ish so clever... (not)

But enough about me. You've waited long enough to read this. There shall be revelation, (maybe some that should not have been found) and a few things may become lost... but that is all I shall say.

Enjoy! And thank you for being so patient!

* * *

_Latet anguis in herba. _

_A snake lies in the grass… _

* * *

The very first time I met Marta… if memory serves correct… 

She kidnapped me.

Or, at least _helped_ to kidnap me. Ugh, a rather unpleasant experience to recall, she leapt inside my armor and kept my limbs stiff so I couldn't move. Creepy! Like insects crawling inside your skin! That was back in the day when Greed was still alive, with his small gang of rebel chimeras and a rogue state alchemist, and him, a homunculus. Marta's the only one still alive from that posse, huh…?

Well, I suppose Kimblee isn't dead yet. She told me she was still looking for him… maybe I'll be able to talk her out of that…

Anyway, in short we didn't meet under the friendliest circumstances. I was held prisoner in that dingy little Devil's Nest for hours on end, made Brother practically worry himself to death. _That_ fact is probably still fresh in his mind.

I can't think of her as being evil, though. We… talked some, you know, while she was still holding me captive. And it turned out she really wasn't that bad. Her being a chimera was beyond her control, as she told me, and she only wanted what any human being desired: freedom. Acceptance. To be normal.

I can certainly relate to that…

* * *

"_Alphonse_…" Brother growled dangerously, "I need to have a _word_ with you." 

"Huh? But…"

"_Now." _

Brother glared at me with an exceptionally scary look in his eye, I would've been foolish to say no.

Let me backtrack at bit. The… rather uproarious morning of Brother finding Marta raiding our fridge had finally quieted down. After much careful explanation on my part, both of their tempers had subsided for the time being. They were still eyeing each other with a certain amount of distrust, however, and now Brother was tugging me aside to give me a piece of his mind. So I assumed.

"Okay Brother. Sorry Marta, this'll only take a second."

She casually waved her arm, telling me she had no objections.

Brother yanked me into the bedroom and shut the door, blurting out the first moment he had, "Al! I can't believe how _stupid_ you can be sometimes…"

I scowled. "What! I only-!"

He wasn't finished. "I mean, what the hell were you _thinking_? Bringing her in here? She's a wanted criminal of the state! Who, by the way, just gloriously happens to be a chimera. Do you know how much _trouble_ I'd be in if the military found out I was sheltering a fugitive? Me! A State Alchemist! Harboring a possibly dangerous murderer!"

"She's not a-!"

"Ah! Don't try to fluff it up, because unless I'm mistaken she's still on the warpath, looking for that Crimson Alchemist guy, right?"

"I… she…!"

"_Right?"_

I bit my lip and said nothing.

"That's what I thought. Honestly Al…"

I tired once more to get a word in. "But Brother, I didn't think…"

"Exactly!" he thundered, "You _weren't_ thinking!"

I gave a look of hurt and looked down at my shoes. "You can be such a jerk sometimes Brother…" I mumbled.

He threw up his hands. "Whatever, I'm going to let you deal with this one. Don't come whining to me when she cuts your throat in your sleep. Now if you'll excuse me, I have _work_ to do." With that he angrily stormed out, I'm sure giving a harsh glare to Marta before retreating down to his room.

I dejectedly moped back into the living room, sulking, and flopped on the couch. Marta looked at me and exclaimed, "What's _his_ problem?"

I felt my stomach plummet. "You could hear us?" I asked weakly.

"How could I _not_? That little slime…"

She folded her arms and roughly sat down on the couch. "I'm not a murderer," she growled.

"I know you aren't," I said earnestly.

"He didn't even bother to ask how I got like this… but I do appreciate you for trying to defend me."

I scooted over beside her. "Once he cools off I'll try and talk to him again," I said, "Believe it or not, he _can_ sometimes be reasonable."

"I admire you for putting up with that all day…" I laughed and waved it off.

She leaned back into the couch and put her hands behind her head. "But seriously Al, if I'm going to be that much of a trouble I can leave…"

"Absolutely not," I said quickly, "This is my house too. I'm not going to let him boot you out of here."

"Good," she said slyly, "'Cause I was just getting comfortable…" This provoked a smile from me.

"Um… well I've got a few things to do," I said, "Will you be okay for a while?"

"Yep…" she said lazily, stretching out her arms.

I smiled again and left, letting her be.

* * *

I collapsed down on my chair and rubbed my shoulder. Two basket of laundry later and Brother had yet to emerge from his cave. I can't exactly say I was surprised, though. 

Anubis trotted over and rubbed her head on my shoe, letting out a whiny mew. I smiled and plucked her up from the floor, setting her on my lap. I scratched her ears and she began to purr.

Marta, by the way, had "retired" to the front porch and was doing push-ups a mile a minute. It was hot outside, warmer than it had been yesterday, the sure sign of a quickly approaching summer. The outdoors through the window seemed to shimmer with evaporation. I would kill for a fan right about now…

I lazily stroked Anubis' fur. She fidgeted around and stretched herself out across my lap. Her little stomach stuck up in the air. "You warm too Anubis?" I teased, "Maybe I should try that too…"

Marta had left the porch. She had grabbed the rafters above and was lifting herself up into the air.

"Be careful Marta!" I called out, "I'm not sure how sturdy those boards are!"

She stopped mid lift and dropped down to the floor, her boots making a loud "thump" when landing on the dusky wood. She wiped some moisture from her brow and entered the doorway.

"There a towel around her Alphonse?" she asked.

"Yeah, under the sink. Must be hot out there huh?"

She nodded and opened up the cabinet, snagged a rough, cotton dish towel, and started dabbing off her face and neck.

"Are you stir crazy already Marta?" I asked with a smile.

She scrubbed at her face. "Nah, not really. Just a habit I guess."

She hooked the towel around her shoulders. "Glass?"

"Top shelf."

Without moving she stretched her arm out beyond its physical boundaries, grabbing the glass with ease. She filled it up with water and sat next to me in the other chair, drinking half of it in one big gulp.

"You want to know, don't you," she suddenly said.

"Huh? Know what?"

"How I got like this."

"You mean… like a chimera?"

"Yes."

I blushed a bit and averted my eyes. I guess I had been starring…

"I'm not offended or anything," she assured.

"Okay, sorry…" I mumbled, "But… I wouldn't mind knowing. I mean, if you don't mind."

She sighed and scratched her head.

"Okay," she said, "But I don't think you're going to like it…"

* * *

"We were undercover for the military, a special branch that did all the… dirty work. We were on another assignment that was specifically unofficial, completely off the record. We were to systematically kill all the main leaders, diplomats, and religious figures of Ishbahl, and everyone who might have accidentally discovered us." 

"To spare all the details, it was a… success. A bloody, glorious victory." Her voice was hostile. "Then we were arrested. For following orders, we were chunked into that Lab 5 hell on earth. They used us for experiments, one by one, molding our structures with different animals. Into chimeras, as we found out they were called. Guess what I got stuck with?" She smirked.

"We were trapped there. For what seemed like forever. Then… however…" she paused, "Then you and your brother showed up and shook the place up a bit. Greed was somehow awakened, and he freed us. After that, well, I think you know the rest..."

* * *

There was a sort of heaviness in the room as Marta finished up her story. 

"But it's all over now," Marta said quickly, noticing my morbid look, "Well, for the most part you know…"

I only half-way heard her. I felt a little queasy, my stomach unsettled. How could anyone _do_ something so horrible to another human? For the sake of science? That's just… just…

My hold on Anubis tightened too much for her liking. She let out a tiny hiss and scratched into my hand, darting down from my lap and into the other room.

Marta glared and called, "Crazy cat! You okay Al?"

"Ow…" I muttered, numbly gripping on my finger.

She frowned. "Are you bleeding…? You are, aren't you? I'll get another towel…" she hurried on her feet.

Anubis had dug her claws right where my nail met the skin. It was bleeding heavy drops, superfluously, and falling down onto my clothing. I bit my lip, it did kinda sting…

"I hope you don't have any attachment to this one," Marta said, sitting back down holding a clean cloth.

"No. Thank you…" I said feebly. My stomach was still doing summersaults.

"Don't mention it." She pressed the cloth to my wounded finger and held it there.

"I'm sorry all that stuff happened to you Marta…" It was a pitiful apology, but it was all I could think of.

"Ah, I'm over it by now. Besides, you'd be surprised how this little… "gift" can come in handy sometimes."

I gave a hollow chuckle. "This is going to sound silly," I began, "but I think this is the first time I've gotten cut since… well, you know. Since I got my old body again."

She raised an eyebrow. "No kidding? Well, guess you have to start somewhere. I think it's stopped bleeding though."

She lessened the pressure on my wound and peered down at it. While still very red, there was no more blood.

To both of our surprises, suddenly the door to the basement creaked open ever so slightly, and a tuft of blonde hair poked out from within.

"I heard shouting," Brother said as his excuse, "What's going on?"

"Nice of you to stop by, Edward…" Marta said sarcastically. His eyes glared daggers.

"Everything's fine Brother," I said quickly, "Anubis just kinda scratched me, that's all."

His face flashed a moment in concern, but then he remembered he was still angry with me. He shrugged it off and the door closed behind him.

"Wasn't his voice just _dripping_ with concern?" Marta scoffed.

I opened my mouth to say something in his favor, but hurriedly shut it. Frankly, I was a little tired of defending him, especially when he didn't deserve it. He was just being so cold…

"Anyway," Marta continued, standing back up, "I guess I'll go get cleaned up, unless…?"

"No no, I'm okay now. You remember where the bathroom is right?"

"Yep," she said, wandering to the hall, "It's the only other door that's not the basement or the bedroom."

"Very funny!" I chided, "But hey, how about I make us something to eat?"

She stopped midway through the door. "You cook?"

"Sort of."

She paused and considered this. "Okay then, sounds fine. Just don't bleed into the food."

* * *

Marta cautiously picked up her spoon and began to poke at the attempted stew I created. "Created" was in a rather literal sense, come to think of it. I still used alchemy around the kitchen, our stove had been touched only twice since we had moved in. 

"Food isn't meant to be stared at Marta," I said flatly.

She glanced up. "This is food?"

My eyes narrowed. "Can you do any better?"

"…no," she admitted.

I pointed my spoon at her accusingly. "Didn't think so. It's good enough!"

She took back up her utensil and stirred around her meal, before finally taking a spoonful and gulping it down.

"Well?"

She shrugged. "Well, I suppose I've had worse…" she said mischievously. That was good enough for me.

But then, she got a bit of a disheartened look. She shuffled around the food in her bowl.

"What's wrong?"

She chomped on her lip. "Well it's just… I don't really remember the last time I had a hot meal. Come to think of it," she sighed, "It's been a long time since I've had a roof over my head, or a warm place to sleep… or even fresh water at my disposal."

She scratched her head. "Point is," she continued, "I don't think I've had anyone be so kind to me since, well, _ever_."

I was confused. "Ever? But I thought Greed…"

"Greed gave me, _us_, some direction and some purpose, but that was all."

"But, what about your family…? Your parents? I mean they must've…"

"No, they didn't," she interrupted.

"Oh…"

She waved it off. "Basically I just wanted to say thank you," she said, "A _real_ thank you."

"You thanked me last night…" I pointed out meekly.

"Well, then I'm doing it again. I'm trying to be grateful here."

"Um, well, then your welcome," I stated with smile.

She gave a sharp nod, downed the rest of her meal in two bites without complaint, then announced she was tired and going to rest.

* * *

That night I went to bed with a pleasant, sort of fuzzy feeling in my gut. I managed to do some good in the world today, you know? Anubis slept on my feet, the blankets were pulled tightly around me. I hugged my pillows to my head and kept smiling as I drifted off. 

Around midnight Brother came in to sleep. He didn't say anything to me, he didn't touch my hand, he didn't kiss me goodnight.

* * *

Three more days went by. Three days that were completely devoid of the word "lonely." 

Instead of spending the long, dragging hours reading or taking care of the house, with nothing to look forward to save my Brother coming up for air, now I actually had someone to spend time with. I spent the days relaxing with Marta and playing with Anubis, we talked about life, the military, her "family," my family, and more or less everything in between. We started growing quite close, _very _close I guess you could say. I considered her my troubled friend that I was taking care of. She considered me the kind stranger that saved her from the abyss, as she told me one day.

Brother, goodness, _Brother_, seemed to grow more and more resentful with each passing ticking of the clock. His gold eyes turned to icicles whenever he saw Marta, and never said a word to her, despite my private begging for him to be kind. He would have none of it. The hours he toiled down in the basement seemed to grow more endless each day.

But after a while, I didn't notice it as much. My mind was occupied with other things. I still silently ached that he was so cross and distant, he was still my brother, he was still my _lover_, but this time I refused to let that worry consume me. He was old enough to take care of himself.

It was on day two and a half that something different happened. I was on the floor messing around with Anubis, the little cutie chasing my finger too and fro, the food on the stove was stable, and everything was pretty much right with the world.

I heard a shuffle behind me. I turned around and there was Marta, giving me the _strangest_ look that I had ever seen on her feature. She frowned and asked, "What?" then turned around before I had a chance to answer. Very odd, but by the next day both of us pushed the event to the backs of our minds.

It was the third night, after I had said my goodnight to Marta, when I crawled into the sheets with Anubis still faithfully there warming my feet, when Brother came to bed early.

I couldn't help but be surprised when the door opened so soon in the evening. I glanced from under the covers and nearly fell out when I saw it was Brother. He walked in and sat on our bed, taking off his shoes, not noticing me at first. For some reason I rolled over and pretended I was asleep.

A while passed, and I felt fingers poking me in the back. "Al," he whispered, "Are you awake?"

I carefully weighed if I should answer or not. "Yes…" I replied quietly.

"Good," he said, using a fake commanding tone, "I need to talk to you."

I rolled over and sat up, giving him my attention.

He seemed at a loss what to say at first. "So…" he began.

"So…?"

"Urm, so you've been spending a lot of time with… _Marta_ lately, huh?"

"Yes, I suppose I have."

"You two seem to be… close." I nodded my head.

"Mm hmm. Is that all Brother?"

"No! I mean…" he looked annoyed.

"She hasn't tired to kill us in our sleep, if you haven't noticed," I said bitterly.

"I _realize_ that," he growled.

"Yet you still don't like her," I accused.

He folded his arms. "No, I don't."

"Why!"

"Because…! She's… it's just…" He looked dejectedly down at his hands, "You've just been spending all your time with her. Time when I actually _can't_ be there. It's not your fault but…"

I blinked. "Are you… are you _jealous_ Brother? Is that what this is all about?"

He snapped up looking angry. "Of course I am! Are you _that_ naïve Alphonse?"

"Sorry…" I said sheepishly, "But… you didn't say anything. You haven't said two words to me in forever."

I had a point. Brother knew it, and it hit a nerve. He sighed and said, quite sincerely, "I'm sorry Al…"

He lay down on the bed and played with the sheets between his fingers. "I'm just… really tired…"

I frowned in concern. "You do seem to be tired a lot lately, Brother…"

"I guess so. Hm, maybe there's something wrong with me," he said with a smirk.

"That's not funny."

He moved closer and finally kissed me. My breath couldn't help but quicken and my legs turned to putty. The taste and feel of his lips had almost been lost to me, in such a short time… I hugged my arms around his neck and slightly whimpered against his mouth. Somewhere I heard the running of water.

So we lay there together. And for the first time in too long I slept easy in his arms.

* * *

I woke up content, just as today was turning into yesterday, the world pitch black out my window. I mused over Brother's hair for a while before getting up, pulling on some shoes. Maybe a glass of water then back to bed… 

I walked to the hallway and was surprised to find Marta, also awake, but I quickly realized something was off. She was standing near the doorway to the outside, gripping her precious few possessions in her hand. She looked tense, worried, and… nervous?

"Marta…?"

She turned around to face me. She looked… so _sad._

"I can't stay here Alphonse," she suddenly said.

"W…_what?_ What do you mean you can't stay?" I asked, rather shocked.

"I just _can't_," she said forcefully.

"Why are… Oh… Is it because you're going after _him_?" I asked plainly, "That Crimson Alchemist? Is that why you can't stay?" She didn't reply.

"You don't have to do this Marta!" I exclaimed, beginning to walk toward her, "Aren't you above revenge? Why can't you-!"

"_That's not why I'm leaving!"_ she yelled. I jumped back in surprise.

She looked at me with such vehemence that my spine crawled. She started stalking back and forth, restless and fuming. "It figures," she seethed, "it _figures,_ that I finally meet someone who seems kind and sane and good and… that he would… dammit!"

"Marta what are you-"

"Be quiet!" She pivoted and said plain to my face, "You make me _sick,_ Alphonse Elric."

My insides plummeted. "M-Marta…"

"Don't you Marta me! I… I sawyou," she hissed, "I _saw_ you! I saw you in _bed_ with… with your _brother!_ Kissing all over each other! Like you were… agh I can't even say it!"

My mouth was open. My heart was racing and my head was on fire.

"You… saw us do that…?" I asked weakly.

"Of course I did!"

"Marta wait, please let me explain!"

"What's there to explain? I think I can trust my own eyes!"

"But…!"

"_Quiet!_"

She took a few deep breaths and started again, trying to keep her shaky voice calm.

"I liked you, Alphonse," she whispered, "I _respected _you, and for me that's hard to do. I thought that… and then you turn out to be…!"

She must've felt like she had nothing else to say. She started her angry march to the door again.

"Wait, Marta!"

She whirled around "What!"

"I… I like you too Marta," I said earnestly, "You're my _friend_. And I know that my…" I stammered, "relationship, with my brother is… strange. But… just… _please_, you don't have to go."

She hesitated, face falling, but she still looked mad.

"Just… just sleep on it," I begged, "Stay until morning. We can… talk more, then. Please?"

"…Maybe," she said. She rubbed her shoulders nervously. "Can you… just leave me alone for a while, will you?"

I nodded my head. "Of… course."

I hugged my arms to my chest, despite it being warm and humid outside. I shuffled back to bed, numb, leaving Marta standing there without a word. I crawled back next to my brother. My skin felt dirty.

In the morning when the sun rose, I didn't bother getting up. I didn't bother going to check the other room. I knew she was already gone.

* * *

I walked all the way to market today… I'm not really even sure why. 

Brother offered a thousand times to drive me over there in his car, but I refused. I wanted to walk, I said, I needed the exercise. Honestly I was restless, I needed to get out. He didn't try to stop me.

I had explained to him, in very vivid detail, what had transpired with… Marta, while he slept. He listened with morbid amazement, and felt my pain. When I had finished he said, very slowly, "Don't let it get to you Al. You… you knew this was going to happen eventually."

I only nodded my head. Then I went out the door and walked.

The truth was I couldn't get what Marta said out of my ears. "You make me sick," kept ringing around and around in my head. But the most horrible thought of all was… what if she was right? This… thing with my Brother, is it not as pure as I thought it was…? I didn't expect everyone in the world to be tolerant of it, but Marta… I thought she would be…

Well, I guess I was wrong.

I walked all the way, seven miles to market, and bought nothing. When I got there I immediately turned around and went home. I wanted to see my Brother, badly.

My bad day didn't stop there, though. When I finally returned home, Brother had a look of worry and anxiousness on his face, similar to the one that Marta was donned with when I found her. What now?

"Is there something wrong, Brother?" I asked nervously.

"Not… really," he said, "But, you probably want to sit down Al."

Without a thought I sat down on the couch. "Are you thirsty? It's hot outside, huh?"

"Brother…"

He sighed and hurriedly joined me.

"Al…" he said slowly, "I know this is the worst timing in the world but…" He sighed, "I just got a call from Mustang, our all mighty Fuhrer. He needs me to go on a special assignment. Remember the footnote he left on my card? With the car? Anyway, I need to leave for Central."

"For… for _Central_? When?"

"Today."

"_Today?_" My fingers raked against the covering of the couch, "Brother this is not…"

"I know this is a bad time, I said that remember? But when the military calls, when the Fuhrer calls! I have to _go_."

"But Brother…!" I pleaded.

He grabbed my hand. "Relax Al, it's no big deal, really. I'll probably be back by tomorrow, promise."

"Okay…" I said weakly.

"Hey, cheer up. You know I don't like to see you sad." He kissed my forehead and hurried to the other room.

He got a few things packed up, said goodbye, and I watched him walk out that very same door.

* * *

_"In other news. There was a bit of an odd disturbance in Central the other day…_" 

I pounced on the radio and cranked it up as loud as it went. A whole day had gone by with no sign of Brother.

_"…involved several military officers and a middle aged woman who's name is yet unknown. This woman, apparently, attacked a State Alchemist in the middle of a crowded street. Fortunately, no one was harmed. The officer was quickly escorted away, and the woman in question was placed under arrest."_

My heart skipped a couple beats.

_"She was taken to the local prison and will be questioned. More on this whe-" _

I snapped if off, not being able to listen anymore. I ran to the bathroom and almost felt like drowning.

* * *

"_Hello? Who is this?"_

"Brother?" I gasped, "Oh thank…! Do you know how long it's taken me to get a hold of you? What the heck are you doing!"

"_What the heck am I…? I'm working Al! How did you get this number?"_

"Wha-? I called the military office and they transferred me, then I got another office and they transferred me again, and they asked me all these _questions_ and-"

_"Al I'm sorry I didn't get home today, but this is really important. I can't talk much longer…"_

"What _are_ you working on?"

_"It's… not important_..._ Listen, I have to go…"_

"Wait, please! Something's happened, I'm really worried, it's about Marta! On the radio the other day-"

_"Look,_" he interrupted, sounding angry, _"I'll be home tonight, then you can tell me all about it. I need to go now…"_

I heard a click and the line hummed in my ear. He had hung up.

* * *

That night was too hot for sheets. All the blankets were strewn around on the floor, the pillow kicked to the side. My pajamas seemed to weigh a ton, and stuck to my skin like plastic. I lay there without sleep, starring up at the ceiling, thinking, and I waited… 

Brother finally came home. Finally, on this hellish, warm night. I heard him before I saw him, the front door opening, his heavy boots trying to remain silent on the floor, his careful walking to our room.

The door creaked open; he crept inside and I heard the rustle of clothing. I curled into a tighter ball and waited for him to say something.

But he didn't.

I felt the bed shift as he lay down, silent as the dead. Didn't I deserve a few words after all that? Couldn't he at least tell me how glad he was to be home…?

Suddenly, I was livid. Suddenly, a wave of fury washed over me, provoked by sadness and worry and temperature. Without a second thought, my leg kicked out and knocked him down on the ground.

He gracelessly landed on the floor with a boom, looking dumbstruck and dazed. When he finally came to his senses he opened his mouth and shouted, "What the _heck_ is wrong with you!?"

The rage bubbled from my stomach to my voice. "What's wrong with _me?_ Darn it Edward!"

The back of my throat was dry, my words sounded choked. "What's wrong with _you,_ Brother?" I demanded, "Ever since… something's _happened _to you, can't you see it? You seem so distant to me now, so far away, even when you're right there next to me. You scare me sometimes, and you seem so tired and _harsh_. And when I try to talk to you, you just pretend you can't hear me! And the thing with Marta…! Then all of a sudden you're whisked away barely telling me a thing, then when I try to talk to you, and I was so upset! You just left me! And now you come here after all that and have nothing to say…!"

I finally took a gasp of air. He looked baffled for a second, and slowly rose to his feet.

"You know…" he said, his voice icy and dangerous, "I'm know I'm late, but I came home as fast as humanly possible because I wanted to be with you. Did you ever think about that?"

He stood up. "Al, I've been trying _hard_ to make this work. I've really, _really_ tried I've been juggling a million things, work and you and everything else, and it isn't easy you know!"

He started pacing back and forth. "Do you know how terrified I am that someone with influence finds out about us? Do you realize how scared I am that something might happen to you? That they find out what you _are_ and take you away from me? I didn't like that stupid chimera because I thought she would hurt you, _and I was right!_ I went on that mission without a moments thought because Mustang promised me a break, so that I could spend me time _with you._ And I'm sorry I was such a jerk when you tried to talk to me, but I was in the middle of something _extremely_ sensitive. If you don't understand that…!"

He let out a frustrated noise. "Maybe this isn't working Alphonse," he said, "You know they still need me at Central, they'd welcome me back anytime. I could just leave right now. So how about it?" he looked furious, "Should I _stay?_"

I let out a deep breath and said slowly, "Just tell me _one_ thing Brother… what _exactly_ where you called to Central for?"

There was just too much of a coincidence, that Brother was called on a mission just as Marta headed to Central to look for Kimblee. Isn't that a little too convenient? It would certainly be a sensitive matter, because Marta isn't suppose to exist. Wouldn't they want to call in someone with experience in chimeras? Someone like the famous Fullmetal Alchemist? If that was true, and Brother still didn't tell me…

He carefully contemplated his answer, before finally saying, looking down at his feet, "I can't tell you, Al."

I looked pitifully up at his face. I was still too furious and sad to cry, the tears were stuck behind my eyes and my throat. I said in the steadiest voice I could allow,

"Then maybe you should go."

* * *

_Things found, things discovered, may soon be things lost._

* * *

Phew... maybe I should have given the heavy angst/drama alert at the top. Hehe? 

I love Marta, I really do, but I had to make her the semi-bad girl of this chapter. (sigh) But we haven't seen the last of her!

As for Ed? Um... well I'll get back him...

Crossing my fingers that it won't take another three months for the next chapter to be written. You all are fabulous, seriously.

Oops, almost forgot: Fantods: A state of extreme nervousness or restlessness.

Cheers!

ATA


	13. Acronychal

Acronychal – tending to happen in the night time; a dark hour.

(Full author apologies at end…)

* * *

My first thought was to go to the river.

It was the place I always went to whenever we fought. It was the place I was _suppose_ to go, the place where he would always find me. Ever since we were small, whenever our bickering turned to harsh words and fists, I would run out of our house, as fast as my stubby legs could carry me, to the river. I would sit and listen to its song. It was refreshing, and cooled down the temper, and I never really waited long. Brother always came looking for me, even if he said in his fury that he wouldn't, then we would both apologize and run back to the house, best friends once more.

One time, after a particularly nasty brawl that left me with a punch to the face and a nasty bruise to boot, I waited only seconds before Brother came dashing down. He plucked me up with a grace and ease so unlike him, and kissed the wound he had inflicted on me. He told me over and over again how sorry he was. When I told him I forgave him, he liked like he was going to cry.

It was so tempting, to just go down to that rushing water and wait for him. I actually pulled on my shoes, actually drifted down the hall and unlocked our door.

Then came back the harsh reality of the situation, as I felt the night air knock against my brow; Brother would _not_ come to get me. If I went to the river, I would never stop waiting. I had banished him, I had driven him away, and he would not come looking for me. This mess we were in could not be cleaned up with sullen apologies and kisses for the pain…

So instead I flung myself back inside and forced my feet to stay put. I beat up my pillow and yelled angry things and cursed whatever deity might be floating above my head.

* * *

The sun came up without me. For a split second I was looking forward to greeting a particular warm being that always slept by my side. But I turned over and only found empty space. Nothing there but his soft scent still desperately clinging to the blankets, I forced myself not to lean over and inhale…

The house seemed so… quiet. No, no, no, not quiet, just… something…

Anubis sensed that something was wrong and whined, rubbing up against my leg as I changed. I gave her a half-hearted pat then went to check the house.

Check the house… what a joke, as if I was going to find anything. But… just in… case. The couch and the basement and the bathroom, just in case…

But of course, there was nothing there. His car was missing from the front. He was probably already in Central.

Finally the feeling of lonesomeness hit. I felt dizzy. I grasped out for a chair, and cradled my sweaty forehead in my hands, beginning to rock back and forth in a daze.

We had… never had a fight like this one before, I suddenly realized. This was no bantering of brothers, or even a lover's quarrel, we had damaged each other beneath the surface of the skin. I briefly and naively reminded myself that this was all his fault, if he had only just _told _me the truth. But, now he was gone_…_and… _I_ am mostly to blame.

This place is empty.

My head continued to swirl, stopping at the incident from last night. I tired to block out the horrible memories, but they came at me with such force I nearly fainted.

_I wanted to be with you,_ his haunting voice whispered.

I know you do Brother…

_Do you realize how scared I am that something might happen to you?_

I know you are…

This house is empty. _I'm_ empty. But his voice still lingered, inside my head, even now…

I scooped up Anubis and ran out of that place as fast as I could before… too late…

_Then maybe you should leave._

* * *

I reached up and knocked on the door to the Rockbell's home.

"Oh! Another customer! Hello hello and welcome-!"

Winry flung open the door in her usual fashion and stopped short when she saw me.

"Eh? Al? Nah Aunty!" she called over her shoulder, "It's only Alphonse!"

I weakly tried to joke. "It's only Alphonse? Thanks Winry…"

"Oh don't be that way! It's always nice to see you! What's going on? Come inside!"

"Um… sorry, but I really only came over to ask for a favor…"

"Sure, what is it?"

I held up Anubis who was clasped in my hands. "Could you take care of Anubis for a while?"

"Of course…! Wait, take care? You don't mean _take_ care? As in your going somewhere? Why! Where's your brother?"

"I just… need to get away for a while, that's all. Brother's on... business."

"Mm hmm… well sure Al, I can take care of her as long as you need. But where exactly are you going?"

"Well, that's the thing I'm not really sure yet," I said sheepishly, "But... I'll call you when I know. I still know your number."

She frowned at me with concern. "I… I guess that's all right."

She carefully took Anubis from my outstretched hands. "Don't let her bully Den," I said. Anubis squirmed around in Winry's hands and whined.

"Aw… don't worry, I'll be home soon," I said. I gave her one last pet and turned around to leave.

"Al, did you and Ed have a fight?" Winry asked softly.

I froze. I practically swallowed my tongue in my throat. Should I tell her…?

I turned back around with a perfectly crafted smile. "Don't be silly, Winry."

* * *

…_what am I doing again…?_

While in the midst of being in a zombie-like state, a very odd and unpleasant state with my mind being somewhere and my head somewhere else, my feet had somehow dragged themselves to the train station. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I just needed to get _out_. Anywhere! This place was haunted! But, the question was, where too?

Hm, Aquroya is supposed to be nice at this time of year, (I mindlessly thought) if it hasn't gone under. Maybe Yousewell? Where the coal mine is?

The line to the ticket booth inched closer. My mind drifted around again.

_Do you realize how scared I am that something might happen to you? That they find out what you are and take you away from me?_

Not now, be quite thought, be silent memories. I'm actually trying to think right now.

_Now where am I going?_

"Good day, sir," the friendly ticket lady piped. I jumped from my thoughts. "And where will you be going today?"

"Umm…well" I dug my shoe into the ground, "I'm not… quite sure where I am going exactly."

I paused and thought. The people behind me leaned forward with puzzled expressions.

"Sir…?"

"I'm thinking," I growled, with more than a little vehemence in my voice. She shrank back and clamped her mouth shut.

I cleared my throat and said without thinking. "Once ticket to Central please.

* * *

The once cushy train seats I used to always enjoy seemed stiff against my back. Why oh why had I blurted _Central_, of all places? Was it simply a moment of temporary insanity? I guess, grief and stress can do that to a person. But… I guess maybe I didn't want to admit it but…

I wanted to see him. There, I said it. It was my dirty little secret, and none of me actually wanted to _admit_ it. Chances are, if we did meet in Central, I'd be torn between begging for forgiveness and knocking his teeth out. Well… Central was a big city anyways. The chances of me actually bumping into _him_ were slim, right? I mean… besides he's off dealing with his incredibly _important_ military assignment… thing. It'd be best if we booth took some time to cool off. Maybe once I'll get off I'll just turn right back around…

I leaned back and knocked my head against the cushion. No, that's not what I wanted! I miss him, I just want to see him, I'm weak. It's hasn't even been a day and already the hollow in my heart was aching. I want to see him… and tell him…

"I'm sorry," I murmured to myself.

* * *

Central… how long has it been since I've been here?

A while, I supposed. I gripped my little bag to my chest and stepped down from the train. I glanced around and perchance found a little map someone had left on a bench. I picked it up, sitting down, and started to scan it over. First things first, I figured, I needed to find a place to stay for the night. I fidgeted with the crumpled edge of the paper, feeling a little uncomfortable; I felt like an unwelcome foreigner in a hostile and barbaric nation. I guess that wasn't too far from the truth. I shook it off and focused back on my map; there were hotels scattered all over the place, it was just a matter of picking one. Where to go…

"You look lost."

I nearly fell off the bench. There was a man sitting next to me that I hadn't even noticed was there. It didn't help that his face was buried in a newspaper, but still… talk about scatterbrained Alphonse…

I cleared my throat. "Umm… I do?"

"Yes." He pulled back his paper, revealing speckled eyeglasses and dull eyes. "Are you looking for a place to stay?"

I slowly nodded my head.

He starred at me for a long time through tinted glass. I started to grow a little unnerved, but then he finally said, "The Red Coat on 12th street is a good inn. It's not too far either."

I looked at my map and sure enough, it was only a few blocks away.

"Thank you very much," I politely said. I gathered up my few things and hurried to leave. It was nice of him to give me directions, I suppose, but quite frankly it was a relief to get out of there. For some reason, he gave me the creeps, and he was wearing this ridiculously strong-smelling perfume stuff…

Hmm…

You know, it was creepy, but somehow it was _familiarly _creepy. Does that make any sense? I guess not. Ah well, I won't dwell on it.

I walked along the pathway toward where my map said to go. But then, for some reason I saw out of the corner of my eye, the man with the newspaper continuing to _stare_ at me. Now that_ was_ weird. I was almost fifty feet away and for some reason it still looked like he could count the number of hairs on my head. To make matters worse, I watched in horror as he gathered up his things, stood up, and began to walk in my direction.

Panic soon followed. I tired to calm myself down, telling myself that he was probably a busy man and had places to go, just like me. I buried my eyes down at my map and turned the corner. I cautiously doubled back and poked my nose around to see if he was still there, and breathed a much needed sigh of relief when I saw him hesitate and sit back down.

I hurried along the cobbled stone, grateful to be out of there.

* * *

"One room, please."

The elderly and rather plump lady from across the counter snatched up the money in my outstretched hand. She frowned and said, "Aren't you a little young to be in Central by yourself, sweetie?"

"Um… I'm meeting up with my older brother later." This was a lie.

"I see. And how long will you be stayin'?"

"A few nights. Three nights tops, I think."

She nodded and handed me the key. "Up the stairs, first one on the left. Enjoy your stay."

* * *

I spent most of the rest of the afternoon lazing around my rather tiny and unfamiliar room, planning out my next move. I lay stretched out on the bed, uncomfortable despite constant shifting. Tomorrow, I thought to myself, I'll go to the Central Military Headquarters and ask if Edward was in. If they won't tell me, I'll say I'm family. If that doesn't work… well I hadn't gotten that far. My mind was working much slower than usual, as of late.

In truth I was actually ready to just fall asleep, except I was interrupted by the growling of my stomach. Rightly so; I hadn't eaten anything all day.

So I managed to drag myself up from the coarse sheets and trudge down the stairs. Eat something, then sleep, then hopefully I'll be fresh for the morning and finish the planning of plans. I only made it halfway down, though, as I spotted a familiar face sitting at one of the tables.

It was the same odd man from the train station. What was he doing here? Is he following me? Is he _stalking _me?

But then reason kicked in. If he suggested this hotel, wouldn't it make sense if he was staying here too? Don't be so paranoid Al, you're not _that_ interesting.

I sucked it up and strolled casually into the room. I sat down and ordered a sandwich with some tea.

I ignored the man and started to daydream as I waited for my food. What would Brother do if I suddenly showed up tomorrow at his office door, I wonder? Blast me away, was my first somewhat humorous somewhat truthful answer. Maybe he would give me the silent treatment. Maybe he would ask the soldiers to kick me out. Can't say I would hate him for that. Hmm… maybe he was just as lost as I was, that was always a possibility… But also like me, he'd probably never admit it out loud.

My thoughts were interrupted as my paranoia came back. I suddenly noticed the man had continued his ritual of gluing his eyes in the direction of where I sat. He wasn't exactly trying to be subtle about it either. He would read his paper for a while and glance up, with this odd look, and every time I glanced back over he would quickly dive back into his print.

After he had been pretending to read the same page for about ten minutes, I got fed up. The next time his eyes strayed I roughly pushed back my chair. Aided by annoyance and just overall anger, I marched over to where he sat and said, "Excuse me," in the most tough and commanding tone I could muster. At any other time I would have just high-tailed it out of there, I'm known to be a little skittish, but I guess with my predicament I was a little out of sorts…

He got a nervous look and set down his paper.

I opened my mouth to give him a thorough and socially polite thrashing, but before my lips could even utter a sound he said, actually quite calmly,

"You are Alphonse Elric."

…what?

I gagged on my words. He gave me an odd, sad little smile. "You don't even know who I am, do you?" Still stupefied, I shook my head. Who was this guy? Was he from the military? Had Brother sent him? My head swarmed with questions like these, but none reached my throat.

That one little gesture looked like it shattered him. "I guess that's to be expected," he continued sadly, sounding like he was almost drifting away. "You were so little, a baby, I remember you could fit in just one hand. But look at you now, you… goodness, you look just like your mother…"

There was a pang in my heart. "Mom…?"

The smell of perfume overpowered my nose. My mind flitted back to a memory of a picture, lost in fire, an image… of Brother…of Mom, of me, and of a man whose face was shrouded in light…

He reached out and pulled back the chair next to him. "Please, sit down. I'm sure I have a lot of explaining to do."

I gulped and my knees bended unnaturally.

"All right…"

I was looking onto the face of Hoenheim Elric for the first time in my life.

* * *

…Well I guess, as the old saying goes, when it rains it pours. So much usually happens all at once, and in such a short amount of time. First Anubis, Marta, then Marta left, then he left, and now I gain another. It's funny how the world works. Gaining and loosing all the time, it really is like Alchemy, isn't it?

My hands were a little twitchy. I picked up my cup of hot tea and took a sip.

"You probably have a so many questions," he said, shaking his head, "Goodness, you've grown up so much. It's been almost fifteen years, hasn't it?"

He _seemed_ incredibly calm, much more than I was at least. I mean, I was meeting my _father_ for the first time, at least, the very first time I can remember. And what? We run into each other at a train station in the largest city in Amestris? While, ironically enough, I was searching for my brother? Is this what is called "Universal Destiny"? Were the deities I cursed the night before playing tricks on me?

He drummed his fingers on his glass. "Your silence is very reassuring."

I snapped up. "S-Sorry, I was just thinking… I'm still kinda in shock…" I cleared my throat and managed to think up a coherent sentence, "I mean, where have you _been_ all this time? I thought… I don't know what I though, I guess that maybe you were never going to come back, or that you had died…"

"No, as you can see I am very much alive."

Suddenly I felt incredibly bitter. "Yes, I can see that."

He looked sullen. "I sense that I've said something wrong."

I gripped onto my pants. "Mom's dead," I blurted harshly, "She died about eight years ago. You didn't even know that, did you?"

He turned pale and his breathing momentarily stopped. "Trisha is dead?" he breathed, "I… I had no idea... She… I… I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you and Edward…"

His sorrow and concern made me regret the insensitive way I had said it, but only a little.

"You… really did love her didn't you?"

He carefully nodded. "With all my heart," he added.

"Then why didn't you even come to the funeral?" I whispered.

He shook his head sadly. "I didn't know," he said again.

I fidgeted uncomfortably. "You would've known if you hadn't left," I muttered, "I mean, can you even comprehend how hard it's been for us?"

Before he could answer I gave a mournful smile. "You know, for some reason, I sound like my Brother. In my head he's the one who would be having this conversation with you…" This managed to evoke a small smile from him.

"Alphonse, please understand, I loved your mother, I loved your brother, _and _you. My reasons for leaving are… complicated." I wanted to demand a better explanation from him, but for some reason I remained silent.

"Where is Edward, by the way?" he asked suddenly.

"He's somewhere in town, I actually came here to find him. We… well… um…"

Then again, I had some explanations I'd rather leave unsaid. What do I say, Ed and I had a lover's fight and I kicked him out of our house? Did I mention we live together? Alone? That Brother is a State Alchemist? That we tried to bring back mother? That my brother's ultimate rival is now the Fuhrer? That Ed and I, his only sons, are having a forbidden love affair and have kissed passionately by firelight?

I sunk down deeper in my chair.

"What is it?" he asked in concern.

"It's just…" I began, "I'm just not used to having someone like you around. Brother and I have taken care of each other for most of our lives, and… I know this sounds strange, but I don't know how to talk to you. But, at the same time, there's so much I want to say…"

He reached over and affectionately touched my hand. "There are many things I want to tell you too, Alphonse. You and your Brother." His eyes started grinning behind his glasses, "Let me guess, did you two have some sort of argument?"

I was rather surprised. I smiled weakly and replied, "Is it that obvious?"

He took a sip of his coffee. "I may be out of the loop, but I'm still your… father."

I couldn't help but take notice of his hesitation on that last note.

He set his drink back down and transformed into serious again. "The truth," he said solemnly, "is that I don't much know how to be a father, either. You have no idea how many times I've missed your mother, missed you, and Edward. I've been sitting on that bench waiting for myself to gather up enough courage to go back, and when I saw you sitting there today I thought… but…"

"You should go back and see Mom's grave!" I said suddenly.

He looked astonished.. "You would let me do that? After what I've done to this family?"

I nodded my head. "It's what she would've wanted. I think… I think she misses you."

He smiled. "I'm flattered you would say that. But that fact aside, leaving you here in Central by yourself, I mean…"

"I'll find Brother. I won't be alone. I'm not a little kid, you know. I can take care of myself."

He hesitated again. "Please," I continued to urge, "You visit her, then… then Brother and I will come back. Real soon, you'll see. And we can sort this thing out together."

He paused, then nodded his head. "As you wish. That's what I'll do. I could probably head over there tonight."

"Yes, that would be fine," I said in agreement.

He stood up to go.

"Oh, w-wait…" I yanked out my map and flipped to where it showed a picture of Risembool. I scanned it over, taking out a pen and making a note on the paper.

"Please take this," I said, holding out the marked map, "I've written down where we're living now. You can… go there, anytime you want. Hopefully we'll be back there in a few days…"

He gratefully took it. "Thank you Alphonse. This means a lot to me."

He paused, then rather awkwardly stooped over and scooped me up into a light hug. His perfume tickled my nose. It felt a little bizarre, I'll admit, but… nice. It wasn't quite as loving when Mom used to hold us, it wasn't quite as strong as Teacher's hug, and it didn't make me feel protected and safe like Brother's did, but… still. It was nice; I guess it was a "father" hug. I'll get used to it.

He stood back up and released me. Then said, "It's amazing, but just from this short meeting… I don't think I could feel any prouder of you."

I flushed and smiled. "We when see each other again, we can talk more okay?"

He nodded. "Of course. When you see him, tell Edward… well, tell him that I'm sorry. Please?"

"I will," I said sincerely.

He picked up his coat and hat and tipped the lady at the counter, then walked out into the now dark night.

For some reason, as the door closed shut, I felt like I'd just lost another all over again.

* * *

_Was that all just a dream…? It certainly felt like it. It feels like everything's been a dream lately, that soon I'm just going to wake up. It feels unreal, and drifting, and incongruent. Broken up into little pieces that don't make any harmony… It didn't flow nicely. It was nothing like the River._

_It's felt this way for a while… Like I'm fading away again… Before I met Dad, before I came to Central, even before the fight…? Was I slowly being sucked back into the Oblivion from wince I came? No, that wouldn't make any sense. Unless. Always the hesitant and ugly "what if." I feel tired, and sick and…_

_Brother, where are you?_

* * *

It was somewhere betwixt and between this period of great contemplation that I remembered; I needed to call Winry and tell her where I was.

I stretched out over the bed and grabbed the phone from the table. My fingers automatically dialed her number and I waited.

"_Hello?"_

"Mm… hi Winry, it's Al, I'm just calling to…"

"_Al? Oh thank goodness! Where the heck have you been? Why didn't you call me sooner?"_

"I'm sorry Winry, a few things came up an-"

"_Never mind! There's something more important than that! Look Alphonse, I mean, there's something I really need to tell you but…" _

"Winry, stop being so skittish," I said with a nervous laugh, "What is it?"

"_It's about your Brother…"_

A chill ran over my spine. "What?"

"_The Military called a while ago, they tried calling your house first but no one was there, then by some miracle they had this number and called us. Your Brother… I don't know… it's all rather vague he was on some assignment that went bad and… Al, they told me he got hurt…"_

"H-Hurt? Is… he…?"

"_No no, he's alive, don't worry about that. But he's…they've taken him into HQ and they say he's resting but… he's really all alone over there, and, Alphonse, they say he's been asking about you…"_

My heart skipped a beat. "About me?"

"_Yes, but, something's wrong. For some reason, he thinks something has happened to you, and-"_

"…I'm going over there right now."

"_Wha, wait Al!! It's the Military remember! They don't know your back yet! How are you going to explain to-"_

The rest was lost to me. The phone was dropped, dangling by its cord, as I ran out the door.

It was my Brother who was waiting for me, now. He had waited too long, and thought that I would not come. I needed to go, and find him, and tell him… and tell him that I was alright. Tell him…

_I sill love you. _

_Brother, can you still say the same?_

* * *

GAAAAAHHHHH.

Yep that's what I have to say. Now that I've vented, feel free to send me death threats and/or actually end my miserable and procrastinating life.

GOMEN!! A short chappy and so long a wait. And the darn thing feels a tich rushed… I know I know… I won't make excuses…

(Except that school has been a witch and my English class has sucked all the creativity from my soul and I've been studying like a madwoman for a big Japanese competition in April…!)

But other then that. I will try to remain alive so I can FINALLY finish this up. I think there's going to be a max of four chapters left. At the ending will be good I promise…!

So there we go. (Hands out torches and rope and starts running.)

'Till next time! Yaaa!!

(BTW, this chappie only implied a fluffy, pure, father son relationship between Al and Hoho Papa. I do not intend to go Elricest in THAT direction. :P)

-ATA

P.S. As further apology and as another offering to spare my life, I will soon be uploading a nice lemon-scented Elricest fic. It'll be in the M section, and most likely will be titled "Copy Cat." Yay!


	14. Decorus Somnium 'Part One'

I feel I must warn in advance: this chapter contains strangeness, some disturbingness, weirdness, confuzzlingness, among other things. I apologize in advance. ENJOY!

* * *

The Central Military Headquarters is proudly one of the most fortified strongholds in all Amestris. Located in the heart of the Capital, it was the military's prized stature of all their power and greatness. They let it speak for itself. It was a giant and intimidating-looking building in its own right, but the knowledge of what lay within was perhaps the most fearful thing about it. 

For starters, the sharp-witted Fuhrer who ruled inside the walls, even if he was at times quite childish, was still a powerful Alchemist not to be taken lightly. Well, no State Alchemist should ever be taken lightly, to be honest, especially when one is inside the territory where they are conceived and born. There's access to a library that holds frightening knowledge wedged tightly in the old and dusty tomes. And who knows what may be going on in the bowels of its dark and bottomless basements…

In other words, it was the worst place possible for someone like me to be breaking into. Although I would happily take it over the Gate any day… or maybe a Homunculus stronghold. Maybe.

But I must admit, approaching the massive structure a rather smart and smug thought popped into my head.

"I remember it being much larger."

* * *

When I entered, though, I suddenly felt really, _really_, stupid. All confidence, sarcastic, faux, or otherwise, flew completely out of my system. 

I was standing in a sea of blue coats, all tough and menacing-looking, holding very large guns that looked loaded. Even those who did not have visible weapons possessed the infamous silver pocket watches, marking them as a State Alchemists. A few eyes rested on me as I entered, and they scanned me up and down. I couldn't help but feel a little nauseous.

…so… what comes next?

My brilliant plan stopped just short of entering HQ. After that, I had nothing. Suppose I'll have to make up this next bit as I go along… I'm good at that…

Wait. No I'm not. Brother's the one that always improvises and _I'm _the one who always has to bail him out.

I gulped and decided I wasn't going to get anywhere if I didn't go anywhere. I knew what direction the Hospital was, so I just needed to keep heading in the general "that way" direction. So I swung around left and started walking down a hallway. I stuck out like a sore thumb in my street clothes, but that was the least of my worries at this point. I feared more than anything I would have to do something drastic to get by. Why would they let a complete stranger visit an injured State Alchemist? The wouldn't, that was the point.

I quietly entered the hospital wing. My insides somersaulted when I saw how many soldiers were out patrolling the hallways. Actually… I even recognized a few standing near the stairwell. It was Fuery, talking to Lieutenant Ross. I cursed madly inside my head.

I cautiously approached the group. A rather friendly looking man in blue, smiling, and holding a gun, asked politely, "Excuse me, are you looking for something?"

I glanced up and looked him in the eye. My insides swelled up with something guilty.

I clapped my hands together and closed my eyes. There was a large blast… and I remember suffocating on black smoke, and something crushing against my back, before I blacked out.

* * *

_-Movement One-_

Suddenly I was made out of metal again. That huge, lumbering body that I was trapped in for years was starring at me right in the face.

I would have sighed if I had a mouth. However, I did feel very tall. Huge, even, like I was the HQ building, gigantic and looming menacingly toward all who walked by. Except there was no one around. So in kind of defeated the purpose, I suppose. Is this what a god feels like? All wise and powerful with no one to rule? _No that's silly._

Then my Brother was before me, except he a little kid again. I looked down and my feet were immersed in a pool of blood. It was coming from Brother, who was bleeding badly from unknown places I couldn't see. I think my mind was censoring some of it, it was fairly traumatic for your average child, but I needed to do something or else he was going to die.

But I was this giant _thing._ How can I help? I just need to take him somewhere, anywhere just as long as it's not here.

I try to pick him up with my giant hands, but his body is small and fragile, and I can't grab hold. I scoop him up and hug him to my chest, but he's too soft, and I feel him begin to crush against me.

I begin to panic and hold him closer. There's more blood, and I feel him struggling against me, but I can't let go. I try to move but my legs are too heavy. My voice is silenced. I can feel my arms crushing his little bones.

He's struggling less now, and not making any noise. And… oh dear… I guess I broke him…

* * *

I woke up and screamed. My head was whirling and the terror of the dream was still very real inside my mind. My lungs were burning, but matter how much I coughed it wouldn't go away. I rested back down on whatever comfortable thing I had been sleeping on and listened, it being the only thing I could do right now. 

"I can't believe he broke my ceiling, of _my_ Headquarters… Must get it from that bad influence of his."

"That's an odd way of phrasing it. But you have to admit, sir, he's quite skilled in…"

"So _what?_ Anyone can blow something up if they try hard enough."

A female voice grumbled and said, "That may be true, but I think that he…"

The voices mixed around above me. Then I passed out again.

* * *

_-Movement Two-_

I was lying down on a large, comfortable blanket. It was a nice change of atmosphere to death and blood. There was something warm on top of me. It was really heavy, but smelled nice. What was…? Oh, it's just Brother.

"Morning Al…" he said above me. His voice was low and sweet, and he had a big lazy grin on his face. A bit out of character, I had to admit, but it was still nice to see him.

"It's still dark out Brother, and you're heavy…" I mumbled, stating the obvious.

He leaned down until our noses touched. He rubbed his cheek against mine, and kissed my face.

"Stop talking," he ordered. He yanked off my shirt and my pants, and the cold air hit my skin like bullets. I flinched as Brother's hands began to wander up and down my exposed skin.

My face was hot. It was rather awkward and embarrassing, especially since Mom had decided to visit us from the grave today. She was sitting in a chair nearby, looking a little worn but still lovely, reading silently, glancing up occasionally as her first-born felt up his younger brother.

"Brother…" I whined, "Mom's watching… it's weird…"

"So what?" His strong hands, one biting cold and the other soft and warm, caressed down my sides and tugged at the thin fabric around my waist.

"Brother stop it…" I begged.

"Shut up."

I closed my eyes tightly and willed it to go away. This couldn't be _my_ Brother, could it? I felt a sharp pain and my insides tightened. I wanted to cry out for Mom but I was too ashamed…

My brother kissed me softly and I heard Mom crying in the corner.

* * *

I woke up again but was too distraught to scream this time. I had a huge headache, my stomach hurt, and it felt like my face had been smashed in. It was simply _peachy…_

The only thing I heard was some soft humming in the background. That was all, but it soothed me despite my upset state. I was still so sleepy, but I didn't want to go back asleep… not again… but…

* * *

_-Movement Three-_

The Gate stood before me. It was dark and beautiful and void, just like I remember it. Brother had his hand tightly around mine, and we were both standing before it, unafraid. I closed my eyes and I swore I heard beautiful singing. The Gate opened slowly, and a deformed black hand reached out and lovingly caressed my cheek, but I didn't flinch.

Brother asked quite politely, "Gate, can I get my dignity back now? Please? I've waited and waited like a good alchemist, you know. Can't you cut me some slack?"

"No," the Gate said, "Unless you are willing to give up the thing you hold in your hand."

Brother paused and said, "Naw, I don't want it that badly, I 'spose."

Brother turned to me and said, "Well Al? Don't you want to ask the Gate something?"

I jumped. "Oh! Um…" I bit my lip and considered carefully, "Gate, can you tell me where my Brother is?"

"Huh?" the Gate asked.

"Erm, not this one," I said, holding up Brother's hand and waving it up and down, "This one's fake. My imagination. I meant the real one."

"Thanks a lot Al."

"Sorry Brother…"

"That's an easy question," the Gate laughed, "He's right where you'd expect him to be, yet he's not where you think he is. He's right under your nose. Understand?"

I frowned. "No…"

The Gate shrugged. "Tough."

"Come on!" I pleaded, "There's gotta be something better than that! At least let me take a look inside, please?"

"If you want. Fine."

"See you later kid!" Brother said cheerfully, and shoved me forward into the Gate's gaping, black mouth.

* * *

I woke up again, not in pain, just in an extreme state of confusion. That was probably the most bizarre dream I've had in ages. 'He's right where you'd expect him to be, yet…?' What was up with that? 

"Our guest appears to be quite lazy. Should I wake him up?"

I silenced my head and listened in.

"It's not very appropriate to be making jokes like that, sir…"

"Of course. Beg your pardon."

The woman cleared her throat.

"Something else Captain?"

"Sir, it's about his brother…"

* * *

_-Movement Four-_

I knew when I closed my eyes this was going to be a good dream.

Brother leaned over my head and sighed. "Hey Al… you look terrible, you know. Are you okay?"

"…No," I pouted, "First I killed you, then you molested me in front of mom, then you shoved me into the gate. All in all, I'd say it was pretty bad sleep."

"Aw… poor thing." He leaned down and kissed me on the head. "Better?"

"Hm… a little. But you're not real…"

He shrugged. "It's not my fault you're dreaming, kid."

"Don't call me 'kid' please."

He laughed and playfully flicked me in the nose. "Very well 'my dearest little brother.'"

"Much better."

He caressed my bangs out of my eyes. "If you don't want to be here, then why are you?"

I pouted. "Because… I'm still worried I won't be able to find you…"

"Psh. That's a dumb reason not to wake up. You _know_ where I am, right?"

"I suppose but… if I found you, would you forgive me?"

He flicked me in the nose again. "Why don't you wake up and ask me?"

I smiled. "Maybe I will."

I would have said I love you if he was real.

* * *

I woke up again, for the final time. My feet swung over the edge of the couch and I stood right up. I rolled my neck around and massaged out the weird kinks. 

My mind was completely clear and refreshed. It felt quite nice, actually. I guess I had to sort out some pretty bizarre and disturbing things, I hadn't had a good sleep or a good nightmare like that in too long. It was well worth it, considering.

Riza was sitting beside me. "You're awake," she said quietly.

"Riza," I exclaimed, "You… I… I need to-"

Then I remembered that the Alphonse Elric she remembered was still a giant suit of walking tin. I sharply inhaled and sputtered, "I mean….! Who are you! Where am I?"

She smiled and shook her head. "There's no need for the front, Al, I know who you are."

"Oh, you do…? Are you sure? Am I still dreaming?"

"No Alphonse, I'm afraid you're finally awake."

* * *

Riza quietly and professionally escorted me to the Fuhrer's office, promising no harm and a full explanation, if I cooperated. I felt guilty for causing so much property damage, so I went along quietly. 

"Um… Captain Hawkeye?" I asked timidly, "My mind's still a little fuzzy… but did I actually _hurt_ anyone during my, um…"

"Moment of insanity?"

"Yes that."

She shook her head. "No. A few scratches and bruises, and Fuery's glasses broke in two, but nothing serious. Actually," she continued, turning around with an amused look on her face, "The one who seemed to receive the most harm was you."

It was rather simple, really. To rid the area of pesky guards, when I entered I transmuted a rather crude and giant crack in the foundation that made the floor collapse beneath their feet. It was effortless and effective, and left a clear-cut path for me to explore the facility.

Unfortunately, my handiwork was very poor, and the rest of the foundation couldn't take this sudden stress. I was rushed, distraught, and fatigued. So the wall and ceiling fell through as well. Right on top of my head.

"I was sloppy," I mumbled, "I should have done something that had less chance of backfiring."

"It was quite impressive," she offered, "Roy's still a bit stunned you were able to cause that much damage with one transmutation."

This was quite a compliment coming from someone who could sear the flesh off your bones with a simple snap of the fingers.

"Thanks…" I said.

Riza opened the door to a rather large-looking office and ushered me inside. She bade me good luck and shut the door.

A calm voice said, "Please, come in, sit down."

I remained composed. I sat down and said, "It's very nice to see you again Roy. I'm sorry about the um… ceiling, and the wall, and the… floor."

"It's fine. It only took a simple transmutation to fix it again. But I didn't realize we were on a first name basis."

"Oh um… sorry, what should I-"

He waved his hand. "I'm just giving you a hard time, Al. Don't worry about it."

"Oh…"

He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. "Well, enough small talk. I'm sure you've got many question for me, hm?"

"Yes," I said, "How did you recognize me?"

Roy looked startled and threw me an odd look.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just that I wasn't expecting _that_ question right up front. I thought you were going to ask…"

"About Brother? No, it's alright, I know he's okay."

"Oh really?" he asked surprised, "May I ask how?"

I smiled. "Just call it fraternal intuition, or something to that effect."

He smirked. "Very well. Now, to answer your question: I'm afraid I realized it was you from the beginning. When we ran into each other at my inauguration, remember? Apparently a tipsy Fullmetal is not discreet about his secrets. However, _you_ put up a wonderful show if I recall correctly…"

I'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic. "Kudos to you Roy. But you didn't do anything…?"

"No… despite my enlightening leadership, I'm afraid most of my military scientists are still lacking in the human department. Besides, Fullmetal would cut my throat in my sleep if anything happened to you. Can't have that happening."

"You told Riza," I observed.

"Riza's my right-hand woman, but I promise she's the only one. I couldn't have her shooting you on sight."

I smiled. "I suppose that makes sense. Now, there's something else I'm wondering about. What exactly was so important that you had to rush my brother off at hardly a moment's notice?"

Roy cleared his throat. "We needed Edward's expertise on a certain matter. That, I'm afraid, is all I can tell you. It would be frowned upon if I discussed military secrets with a civilian, even if you are the younger brother of a State Alchemist."

I sighed. "I can understand that…" I said solemnly. My mind suddenly flew back to the bitter argument with Brother. Why couldn't this small shred of wisdom have dawned upon me then?

_Because I was angry and upset._ I suppose your intelligence falters when you're trying to damage the one you really love.

"Is that all, Alphonse?" he asked.

"Yeah… I think I'm okay. Thank you Roy. Just, can I see Brother now please?"

"Of course," he said, "Riza can show you the way to his room."

I stood up and turned to leave.

"Oh Al?"

"Yes?"

Roy smirked. "You didn't have to terrorize my Headquarters just to see your brother. You could have just asked. Although I must admit I did enjoy watching as that floor collapsed under my inattentive soldier's feet…"

My insides plummeted. "Oh…" I decided I needed to leave before the last of my pride was hacked to pieces.

"Oh and Al?"

"Yes…?"

He pressed his finger to his lips. "I still won't tell a soul." Then he shooed me away.

* * *

Riza took me up the stairs to Edward's room and apologized as she left, saying she was quite busy and had other matters to attend to. I could stay with him as long as I wanted. I _was_ family, after all. 

It never occurred to me until this point, but I suppose I should be nervous, seeing Brother for the first time since our ugly little spat. You would think that I'd be rehearsing my apology lines like mad in my head. However, I wasn't. Odd, huh? But, I suppose I have my own separate reasons. I just have to see something…

Without fear, I strode into Brother's room and sat down on the side of his bed. He was sleeping peacefully, a soft little snore coming up from the blankets. There was a thick bandage wrapped around his head, but otherwise he seemed fine.

"Brother…" I whispered, gently shaking his shoulder.

His eyes flicked open and he shuffled around under the covers. "Hrm…?" he mumbled in a sleepy confusion.

"Brother, it's Al," I said softly, "How do you feel?"

He came almost fully awake and mumbled, "Mmrrr… hey Al…"

I laughed. "You look almost drunk, Brother."

"Medicine sucks."

Brother sat up in bed and mumbled, "When'd you get here Al?"

"Um… not too long ago…" I figured I could skip the part about me going on a rampage and knocking myself out.

"But that doesn't matter," I said slowly, "I'm really glad you're okay. You… are okay, right?"

"Okay? Sure, I'm fine."

"Good, I'm glad." I smiled at him and he gave me a funny look.

"Oh, but the way, you'll never guess who I met yesterday…"

"Who?"

"…Dad," I said frankly.

His eyes widened. "Really? He's _here?_"

"Not 'here' here… he's gone back home to visit Mom's grave. I offered. I thought he deserved at least that…"

"Oh…" Brother said slowly, "That's very interesting…"

"You aren't mad?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Okay," I said, "Good," I said.

I smoothed back his hair and stated, "I'll let you get some more sleep, okay? I'll see you again when you wake up."

"Fine then. 'Night kid."

"Good night Brother…" I said slyly, and quietly shut the door behind me.

* * *

I waited very patiently until Brother had fallen deep asleep. The Hospital staff had trickled down to a bare minimum, and slowly the soldiers and scientists one by one went home for the night. It was very quiet, and almost eerie. My ears kept playing tricks on me, hearing shouts and voices coming up from the dark depths below. But it was just my imagination. I hope. 

Around midnight, I carefully opened the door to Brother's room.

A careless or otherwise forgetful doctor had left a tray of tools over to Brother's side. They had given him a checkup then didn't bother to put anything away. There was gauze, antiseptic, forceps, a scalpel…

I picked up the blade and inspected it. It was sharp and thin, designed to cut through the toughest flesh, and shined a bit in the dim light. It never hurts to have a little leverage.

I crept over to his side, holding the knife tight in my hand. I leaned down next to his ear and held the blade gingerly to his heart.

"Brotheer…" I whispered, "It's time to stop dreaming now…"

* * *

(Waves) Hi, anyone remember me? The little person who was writing this Elricest fic that has suddenly turned quite bizarre…? Sigh…. 

I am aware it has been over five months since I've updated a chapter. I'm sorry… I really missed this fanfiction, but I haven't had any muse to write in a long time. Grr.

However…

I must state for the record that I was gone quite a bit this summer. Where? I WENT TO JAPAAAN!!!! YAAAAY!!!

For two weeks. I home stayed and toured around Kyoto, Tokyo, and Nara. It was much fun. XP

I love you all much

ATA

P.S. As a "I'm finally back again please don't kill me too badly" present, the first person who can tell me what the name of this chapter means and what language it is in will be given a small spot in the next and FINAL chapter of Verboten! Wah-ness!


	15. Decorus Somnium 'Part Two'

WAI.

The final chapter is here!! And it is LONG. So very LONG. Like 24 pages on Word. That's why it took forever.

A couple tiny warnings: spoilers for the last few episodes of the anime series and the movie. The end might push the PG-13 envelope a bit. Nehehe…

XD

* * *

I love my Brother more than anyone else in this world. I would die for him in a heartbeat. I would lay down my life in front of his feet without a moment's hesitation. 

It's amazing, kinda, to love someone so much that dying is the least of your worries. I remember I used to be so terrified by death, dreading that inevitable last breath as I felt him stalking my shadow. It was hard not to, considering the many times I _had_ almost died. But now, there was one thing I feared even more.

It was scary, but I didn't mind doing this for him. Even with my life hanging by a thread. Even if I…

* * *

His gold eyes opened and were instantly aware of the knife pressed against his chest. His groggy air from before was gone, and he sat up slowly, completely awake and alert. 

"Good morning," I said with a coy smile, "Did you sleep well?"

His eyes darted from my face, to the blade, and back to my face again. His eyes narrowed with annoyance. Then he smiled and started to chuckle, and laugh in an odd cracked voice that was not his own.

"I gotta give you props, kid. I'm almost impressed… maybe that's why I haven't gutted you yet."

I smiled and said with heavy mock politeness, "It's a pleasure to see you again."

* * *

I've had the pleasant good fortune of meeting different Homunculus on multiple occasions. They are psychotic, manipulative, but overall fascinating creatures, either cursed or blessed with unique characteristics that someone like myself couldn't help but be intrigued by. Being able to create an armored shell nearly incapable of penetration, being able eat through solid metal, or a child having the strength of forty men, or the skill of stealing the face of anyone in the world, your friends, your comrades… 

Even your own brother.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Please, allow me to backtrack a bit.

Brother is a skilled alchemist, but he's also a skilled alchemist who's dealt with Homunculus before. That makes him twice special, and our Fuhrer is well aware of that fact. So naturally, if there happened to come a case that involved such dangerous and unstable creatures, you would want to call in an expert.

Brother couldn't tell me anything about his mission under the false guise that it would violate military secrets of some sort. But… I think in reality, he didn't want me upset and worried that he could possibly be facing them again. Along with the thing that had "killed" me. (I think that plan sort of backfired though, don't you think?) But instead I made it all about Marta… and he got upset and pissed off, so he left. This, I suppose, was not so drastic considering the circumstances.

However, something must have gone wrong. Almost from the second Winry told me about his situation, I felt there was something a little off. Something not quite right. Something that didn't fit into its proper place. It was only when we spoke, though, that my feeling was confirmed.

He didn't talk like Brother would to me. Brother has a certain air, like everyone. When he talks to _me_, at least, he's funny, witty, and incredibly kind, even though he doesn't like to admit it. He has a carefree attitude most of the time, so there's a minimal chance of ever upsetting anyone. He almost never forgets everything, and he holds a pretty good grudge when he's wronged. Take our father, for instance.

So I didn't buy for a second that Brother had "forgotten" our fight, that he forgave me so quickly. It would have taken some heavy groveling and apologies, a sweet kiss or two, or some other grandiose gesture to get back to being "okay." That's what I think anyway. And the way he reacted to me saying that stuff about Dad? My real Brother would have_flipped…_

Therefore, somehow, during the crossfire of the fight between alchemists and monsters, Brother had been "switched." How? I haven't the faintest idea. Why? Well, I have some theories. Perhaps the Homunculus thought they could infiltrate HQ and get information on the Philosopher's Stone. To use Brother's face to gain the trust of the Fuhrer and the Military, and use that for their own sinister purposes. They seem to have a particular grudge against my father, which would explain "Brother's" interest in that matter. Maybe they did it just mess with Brother's head. Maybe they did it to mess with mine. Guess I'll never really know…

So there he was faking delusion and injury… and the false Brother was brought here… I was called in, and here we are.

That's what I believe, at least. I'd like to feel that I'm rather intelligent, but I suppose the odd dreams did help me out a little though. There was doubt, I'll admit. For a few scary seconds I imagined what would have happened if Brother, my _real_ actual Brother, woke up with me holding a knife right above his heart. He would have been sooo mad…

However, it appears I am correct. And that leads me back to the situation where I was holding a pitiful scalpel to Envy's throat, while his hand had deftly transformed itself into a long blade that was pressing against my stomach.

* * *

"You're awfully formal for a whiny little brat," Envy snickered, like he had made the funniest joke in the world, "I guess that idiot Brother of yours was able to fix you up pretty well." 

"You're awfully kind for a deranged psychopath. But why don't we cut to the chase? Here's how this is going to work; you're going to tell me exactly where my Brother is, and I won't rip open your insides."

"Ooh… I'm so scared. Why don't _I_ just kill you instead?"

"If you kill me, my Brother won't stop until he hunts you down and destroys you."

Envy snickered. "What makes you so sure he's still alive?"

My chest panged. Calm down Alphonse, he's just trying to mess with you… "I _know_ he's alive."

"Such confidence! Don't forget kid I already killed _you_ once…"

Then Envy's features darkened. "It was _such _fun though… fighting your pathetic older Brother…! Poor poor thing, he could hardly fight back since his alchemy seemed to be broken. It was such fun smashing his head into the wall, over and over, his blood staining his pretty hair and his pathetic yells echoing against…!"

"_Shut up!_"

I lunged at him and managed to take a piece out of his side before he threw an uppercut that sliced into my shoulder. As I toppled backwards onto the floor he cackled and decided to make a grand exit by crashing out the window and pelting off. I clutched my shoulder and tried to catch my breath, looking out through the broken glass and saw his speck disappearing into the night.

In a brief thought of stupidity, I considered following him out of the second story window to chase him down and give him a good thrashing, but I swallowed my pride. I had more important things to do. No time to waste for revenge.

_Thank goodness he's gone now… I thought he'd never leave…_

I ran out the door and down the nearest set of stairs. I retraced my steps to the Fuhrer's office and prayed Roy wasn't burning the midnight oil and still in his office working. (He wasn't.)

I crept into the staircase that wasn't supposed to exist, and walked down into the depths of Central's deep, dark, bottomless basement.

* * *

It's nice to have the Gate on your side sometimes. Just when you really need it, but don't expect it, the Gate can give you little clues that could mean the world. 

I've noticed, in the time I've been living with its scar on my neck, that you tend to be closer to it while you sleep. While I was dreaming yesterday, after I was shoved into the Gate by my "Brother," after I pleaded with the Gate to help me find him, I think I saw a brief glimpse of the future to come. I saw a dark, black staircase, and a huge city, buried underground and forever lost. There was a square building that was crumbling with decay. I saw a figure struggling in the rubble to get to his feet, to be free from this place. I saw my Brother, who was right underneath my nose, just like the Gate had said.

* * *

I'm usually not a meticulous person, but I found myself counting the steps and breaths and seconds as I descended that dreary staircase. A way to keep my sanity, I knew that with every moment that passed was a moment closer to saving him. I can understand how the passerby could see this as a bit obsessive and compulsive, but me with my little "sibling-complexes" were going berserk. I had been detached from him too long, and my being craved for the knowledge that he was okay… 

Then I saw an odd light down a ways, deep down into the depths. My stomach leaped up inside my throat, and I ran the last hundred or so stairs, and finally came out on the other side.

A graveyard filling the whole cave greeted me. It was grey and lifeless, the air was stale. It was dead, it the complete and perfect sense of the word. The only thing that seemed to breathe life was me…

I shook off the undertaker's horror and forced myself to keep moving. I ran past rows and rows of bleak buildings until I came upon the huge complex that seemed to resonate with dark omens. I found the entrance and went inside.

It seemed to be a theater, of sorts, empty and rising up like a cavern. A chill ran over me, the kind, as they say, that you get when someone steps on your grave. Perhaps it was I who was dancing on my own resting place? No, no, that doesn't make any sense. I'm alive, I'm here and alive, heart and soul and,

And Brother, who was collapsed in a pile of rock, frozen, and lost.

I fell to my knees and crouched over by his side. I gently picked him and turned him over on his back. His face was bruised and there was a long gash that started from his chin and ended on his chest. I pressed my ear over his mouth. He was still breathing, but it was slow and slight.

I needed to get him out of here, this place that seemed to suck life from your body. I needed to find someplace safe where I could take care of him. (Perhaps I could just put him back in the hospital bed, where no one would even notice.) I hauled him up carefully on my shoulders and grabbed around his legs. My veins were pumping with adrenalin, so I didn't feel any weight or fatigue as I started my ascendance out of the theater, back along the road, and to the giant staircase where I started to climb. There was a mad rush in my head, of worry and sorrow and pain of the heart, but whatever it was fueled me the rest of the way upward.

* * *

When I finally reached the surface, even being indoors, it was a breath of fresh air. I didn't get to relax for long, though. I still needed to get Brother to a safe place. I walked from Roy's office to the hallway. My head was still spinning with anxiety, thinking about where I was supposed to go from here, how was I going to help Brother? I gently placed him next to the wall and stretched out my aching spine, trying to calm myself back down. 

Then, out of the corner of my eye, Brother twitched.

In an instant I was by his side again. "Brother!" I cried shaking his shoulders, "Are you okay? Are you in pain? Say something to me, please!"

Brother's breathing was labored and his eyes looked dreadfully out of focus. He made an odd noise that sounded like a question.

"Brother," I said gently with much more calmness in my voice, "It's Al, you know? I'm right here… you're safe in Headquarters and I'm-"

"…not here."

"Wha… what was that Brother?"

"_Not here!"_ He shouted with such an unusual amount of force that I nearly fell backwards.

He grabbed onto my shirt and I felt a few threads snap. "Not here!" he begged me, "Please anywhere but here, this place is… I can't…!"

"Brother! Calm down, you need help, this is the-"

"Please!" he cried out.

I grabbed his hands. "Okay! Don't worry, I'll take you somewhere else I promise!"

He released me and collapsed into my chest in a half-dazed stupor. I grabbed on and held him for a while, until his heart beat climbed back down to a slow, steady pace.

I was at a loss what to do. I was terrified that Brother needed medical attention that I couldn't even begin to provide for him, I _was_ in a hospital, and I'd be stupid to just take him out of here. But… as far as I could tell, aside from a few cuts and bruises, there was nothing seriously wrong with him. I think he just needed someone to be with him for a while, he seemed so terrified, which was rare for someone so brave like my Brother. Yet… being alone for that long, without anyone, thinking you were going to just waste away and die…?

I prayed that I wouldn't regret this. With renewed vigor I deftly picked him up from the ground again. I turned around and headed in the opposite direction, to a discreet door that lead to the outside, into the early morning, away from the looming deathtrap that barred its teeth behind me.

* * *

Being the fact that the hotel I was staying in was on the outskirts of town, and even in my panicked state I feared I just couldn't carry Brother that much further, I knew I had to find someplace closer where we could stay. But what place would service two ragged young men at three in the morning? I prayed to the powers that be for luck and a hotel owner that was still awake. 

I ran to the nearest building marked "Hotel" and rapped on the door. I banged on the door at least five minutes before someone finally opened it up, just enough so they could look outside.

A smallish young-looking woman with blond hair poked her nose out. "_What?"_

"Please," I begged, "I know it's late, erm… early, whatever, but do you have a room for me and my brother?"

"We're _closed,"_ she said in a very annoyed voice.

"Please miss, you don't know what we've been through! What's your name?"

She paused. "Estel."

"Estel, do you see my Brother here? He's just been in a… bad fight. We just need a place to sleep for a while… we've got money," I added quickly.

She looked us up and down carefully with a wary eye. Something must have touched on her, though, maybe because we looked so desperate. She unlatched the door and let us in.

"Thank you…" I said relieved. I hurried us both inside.

* * *

Okay… let's go over this one more time Alphonse… 

Brother is tucked tight in cozy little bed. The bed is clean. I ripped up some bandages from the other sheets to wrap around his cuts. I managed to get some water down his throat without him choking. He's fast asleep, breathing, and comfortable. I'm holding his hand. He's breathing. I'm breathing. Everything is quiet…

Once I knew the world wasn't going to crash around my ears again, I collapsed in an awkward position on the mattress, with my legs on the floor and my head next to Brother, and slept until noon. When I woke up again the sun was shining in my eyes. I stood up and stretched out my aching muscles and checked on Brother.

Brother, who was now wide awake.

Well, awake might be a bit of a misnomer. He was just lying there with his eyes open, starring at me with a sort of blank look that made me feel a little uneasy. He gazed up at me and I finally said,

"Brother… I'm so sorry…"

* * *

Then, in an odd lifeless voice, Brother told me his story. 

He told me of his mission sent down to him from Roy, how they had discovered the Homunculus stronghold underneath Central after the old Fuhrer had retired. There had been a panic erupting in the Military, rumors flying all around about the monsters and the City under Central, and how the Fuhrer, both old and new, knew all about it and were even in league with them. Naturally, Roy couldn't let this get too out of hand, so he called in the expert on these matters.

Marta, Brother added, was already in captivity at this point. She had assaulted a State Alchemist in broad daylight. Brother had nothing to do with it. There was nothing he could have done to stop her from being thrown in jail.

Brother told me how when the military finally formed up and got down to the city, it was already deserted. They only found a few traces that any Homunculus activity had been going on down there. But Brother was still suspicious, left the group on a whim and explored deeper. He came to an old, worn sort of theater, where Envy had a surprise attack for him. Brother said the fight was brief, he was unprepared, and his alchemy was dead.

He said when he came to, Envy and everyone else was gone. He expected the worst. He knew he needed to get out of there, but he was injured and couldn't get very far, and collapsed.

The next thing he knew I was there, and then he was here, safe, and recuperating. And that was that.

Then he said to me, in a worn voice, "That's about it Al… if you don't mind, I'm pretty tired, and I want to be left alone."

* * *

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if things had turned out differently. 

What if I hadn't survived that night we tried to bring Mom back? What would have happened if I had died that night, on that empty little floor at the warehouse, Brother unable to rescue my body? Then what?

I imagine, sometimes, about stuff like that. I imagine how Brother would have mourned my passing sincerely and deeply, but moved on. How he would have triumphed in the Military, becoming even more famous and powerful. He would've found a way to make a Philosopher's stone without any sacrifice, and restored himself whole. He would have gotten a huge house in Central, have a real life filled with adventure, a beautiful wife and beautiful children, and he would always think of me fondly.

But instead he is here, broken. My sun god, my beloved brother, has almost burned out. And in truth… it's really all my fault…

Equivalent exchange, though childish it may be to some, is still a truth I hold in high regard. Doubt had always lingered in my mind that Brother had to give up nothing to receive back my soul and my body, unharmed, to him. It's quite clear to me now that he had to give up his alchemic ability, the thing he treasured more than anything to…

Wait. That wasn't all, was it?

For me, Brother had given up his livelihood. His adventure, the thing he loved. He had given up his dream of finding the Philosopher's Stone, and had to isolate himself, his strength drained, in order to keep me a secret. He even had to loose his heart to me…

It wasn't fair. The Gate had taken too much. Brother had to give up everything just to get me back.

* * *

The next morning, it was the unspoken mutual agreement between us that we should check in with the military, and say that Brother was alive and well, and hadn't disappeared off the planet. 

"I'll go down and make the call. Will you be okay Brother?"

My now silent and quietly dead Brother nodded his head.

I hurried down the steps and rang up the number on the telephone.

"_Hello_?" Roy's voice asked over the line.

"Roy? Hello," I said rather timidly, "How are you today?"

"_Who is this? How did you get this number?"_

"Erm… this is Alphonse Elric."

There was a long and serious pause. "_Where the hell are you!? Do you have any idea what's been going on over here?"_

"Um, I have a bit of an idea actually…"

"_Your Brother is missing! Do you know where he is?"_

"Yes, actually. He's right here. With me. But, you had the wrong Brother anyway."

"_The… what? Wrong one?"_

"Erm… yeah, sorry. That was only a Homunculus _pretending_ to be him. You see…"

"_Alphonse Elric, get down here RIGHT NOW."_

"What? Why?"

"_Don't make me repeat myself!"_ Roy barked, in an amusingly annoyed voice, and then I heard the other line go dead.

I glared at the inanimate phone. "Jeeze, what the heck is his problem?" I muttered to myself, "Bossing me around like some brainless lackey… but I better go before he gets any angrier…"

* * *

I had scarcely entered Headquarters again when Riza grabbed my arm and marched me at double speed to Roy's office. I didn't squeak a word of protest for fear of a loaded gun in my face. She gently pushed me into the doorway and shut it behind us, then stood by the threshold and didn't say a word. I barely stepped inside before a voice said, "You say your Brother is _where_ now?" 

I gave a mock-scowl and replied, "I come all the way down here for you to ask me a question I already answered?"

He frowned. "I expected better from you Alphonse. Don't get smart with me."

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and subtly threw him the same devil-may-care smile that Brother loved to bestow upon him. Roy's eyebrows twitched.

"Maybe this new body has gone to my head."

"Why is Fullmetal_ elsewhere_ and not _here?"_

"I told you, you got the wrong one. Sorry."

"Am I to believe there are hundreds of Edwards Elrics running around Central? Lovely, one is plenty enough to deal with."

"No, there's just one. The one _I_ have. The one you brought back was a fake, an imposter."

Roy's annoyance seemed to do a split-second shift to intrigue. "Can you explain this… phenomenon?"

"Yes. The Edward Elric that you brought back here and hospitalized was actually a Homunculus named Envy, you know, the things you sent my Brother after in the first place? It stole his face. It tricked you. But-"

Suddenly the door opened and a distracted looking Havoc slopped inside, "Hey Roy, got that report thing you… hey who's this guy?"

"Not now Havoc."

"But-"

"LEAVE."

"Whoa, sorry! I'll come back later!" Havoc quickly left the way he came. Riza shut the door again in a hurry. I couldn't help but grin to myself.

"But what?" Roy demanded.

"Hmm?"

"You were saying 'but' something. Finish your sentence."

"Um, oh yes, but don't feel too bad about it, because there's really no way you could've told the real from the fake."

"You were able to," he observed, "You caught him in a second."

I smiled a sort of sad smile and said, "What kind of person would I be if I couldn't recognize my own Brother? My own flesh and blood?" My chest panged a bit while I said this, but I hid it well.

Roy chuckled and said, "I suppose you're right… I've never had any siblings so…"

He cleared his throat, "So I take it this "imposter" has been disposed of?"

"He's gone, but still on the loose, sir."

"I see. And how is your Brother doing?"

"He's… okay. Quite shaken up, and he got a pretty good bump on the head, but I don't think it's anything serious."

"You don't _think…?_"

"I'm not a doctor."

"Then pray tell, why didn't you stay here so he could get some actual medical assistance?"

I bit my lip and considered my answer carefully. Brother would kill me if he ever discovered I compromised his masculinity to Roy, by saying he was_afraid_ of this place, so instead I quipped, "This place gives me the creeps," it wasn't far from the truth, "For obvious reasons, as you can imagine."

Roy fiddled around with his glove and stiffened his collar. "That's a bit of a shame, actually, Al…"

"What do you mean?" I puzzled.

"As you have probably noticed by now, Fullmetal's once quite adept alchemy is – and this is the lightest way I can think to put it – _shot._ Gone. Vanished. And it almost, in light of certain events, cost me very dearly."

He looked at me very carefully and said slowly, "In my mind there is reason to believe it has something to do with your miraculous restoration, but I won't touch that. That is you and your Brother's business, not mine."

He leaned back in his chair. "However, I'm sorry to say that I can't have a State Alchemist running around who can't do alchemy. It'd be a bit hypocritical. So you'll understand when I say I'll have to strip Edward of his title, and demote him a rank or two…"

I bemusedly cried, "But you can't do that to him…!"

Roy held up his hand. "Let me finish. I'll strip his title, unless there's someone who'd be willing to take his place…"

Riza, who had been silent all the while, said, "Sir, you can't…"

"Captain, I don't believe I gave you permission to speak," Roy said darkly.

Riza's frame stiffened in an instant. "Beg your pardon, sir!"

Roy turned back to me. "So what shall it be, Alphonse?"

"Wait, you can't possibly mean… _me_ take my Brother's…? But I… I'm not nearly…!"

"Alphonse, you have, in practically the last 24 hours," Roy said, ticking off the events on his fingers, "Broken into my HQ, terrorized my hospital wing, caused property damage – using alchemy _without_ a transmutation circle – correctly identified and apparently dispatched one way or another an incredibly dangerous monster, found and rescued an injured State Alchemist, _stole_ said State Alchemist without alerting anyone, and!" he finished off in a grand gesture, "You _still_ had the nerve to sass the Fuhrer in his own office. All in all, I'd say that's pretty much Grade A State Alchemist material."

"Even so," I said earnestly, "All the things he's done, the people he's helped…"

"Which you helped him accomplish," Roy said, "Think about it Al, with everything your Brother's done there you were, right by his side. You've seen and done just as much as he, in fact…" Roy reached into his desk and pulled out Brother's official report, dubbing him a State Alchemist. He pointed to the words 'Edward Elric' on the page, "…the only thing that would have to change is the first name." He set the paper back down on his desk.

I was utterly perplexed. "You're really serious, aren't you?"

"I'm quite serious."

"And you could really do that?"

Roy pulled out a pen. "Your name is spelled with a 'ph' and not an 'f,' correct?"

"Whoa, okay okay I understand! Just, wait a minute…"

My head was reeling like crazy. Me? A State Alchemist endowed with Brother's title? No no no, I could never do that to him…

Right?

My mind suddenly flashed back to a moment in time, it seemed like it was ages ago, when I was sort of reminiscing to myself…

_I've always been a bit "duller" than him, physically and personality wise. My eyes aren't as amber, my hair is not as vivid, and I've always been a little shy. Brother has always done all the talking for me, for the most part. He's led, I've followed. We make a good team, him and me, and I'm always there to keep his temper in check. Although I've never been able to shine quite as bright._

_But who can compete with a brother like him? Youngest State Alchemist in the history of the military, the brilliant scientist, the well respected youth, the prodigy, the hero, he's famous! And I? I am his sidekick slash bodyguard slash bouncer slash "that big guy wearing the armor."_

_At least I used to be._

_Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my background role, but at the same time I wouldn't mind making a name for myself. I can't follow in his shadow forever..._

Could I really do this? Simply give the word to Roy and _steal_ all that my Brother created? Or I mean, would it be stealing? He would loose his title anyway… wouldn't he rather it go to me instead of vanishing into oblivion…?

"…maybe I will," I said quietly.

Roy raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yes. Maybe, I said. I need some time to think about it. Give me a day, and you'll have an answer."

Roy smiled and said, "As you wish, Mr. Elric."

* * *

I returned home to my Brother. I knelt next to him and my knees strained against the hard, wooden floor. I reached out and held his hand, he being somewhere between a nightmare and a vast daydream, as was his norm lately. 

"Once upon a time," I said quietly, speaking softly to him, "I called you my Golden Sun. Did you know that? Because you were so radiant and beautiful. You were my everything. I loved you so much, I mean I still do, but…"

I leaned my chin on the edge of his pillow. "Is this really all that's left on you…?" I whispered, "Did I really take away that much…?"

I decided enough was enough. I tucked Brother securely into his covers and kissed his forehead gently. I promised him that I'd be back before he knew it.

I stood and readied myself. I took a tentative finger and pressed it to the back of my neck. My insides chilled suddenly, like all the warmth had suddenly been stolen from my skin. My seal felt icy. But I ignored all that, and only thought of Brother, as I roughly scraped down.

* * *

The Gate was before me. It was dark and beautiful and void, like from my dream, exactly as it should be. Except now I was alone, there was no beautiful singing, and the Gate spoke naught a word. 

"Please," I said in the bravest voice I could muster, "What can I give for my Brother's happiness?"

The Gate whispered in a voice that was cold and lovely.

"_What are you willing to sacrifice?"_

And I said, "My dignity for his. My gift, for him to receive his once more. An equal exchange. That is my offer."

The Gate said nothing more. The doors swung open and a swarm of black hands reached out and grabbed hold. I was frightened, but I didn't fight. They beckoned me toward the threshold, and endless black eyes were starring down from above, like an unholy god. Then I saw blackness. Then I knew nothing.

* * *

_I'm still not sure what happened after that. As the doors closed behind me, the Gate whispered in the back of my head, of worlds and universes intersecting, doubles and doppelgangers, how one moment of one soul can change the course of an entire world._

_I saw my Brother… and me… traveling again, but I was still a tall and empty metal vessel. I saw explosions and death, and I saw me engulfed in a strange red light. I saw Marta murdered by the Fuhrer. I saw Scar's death. I saw our mother evaporate into the air that she once breathed. I saw our father. I saw the Gate. I saw Envy killing my Brother…_

_And after a whirlwind, I saw my Brother standing next to a boy, an older and taller boy, with white-blonde hair and blue eyes. I gazed at his face. He was me._

_Then there was nothing. _

_Emptiness._

_An absolute hollow._

_An absolute holiness._

Then suddenly I was standing, and my Brother was before me once more.

* * *

When my soul finally flew back into my body, my weak exhausted frame collapsed, and my knees buckled beneath me. Once my head stopped spinning, I had a moment to realize that I was actually still alive. Alive is good. Two arms… two legs… one head… yes I was still whole. 

I held my breath as I decided to test the Gate's promise. I clapped my hands together, but they didn't even make a spark. Disappointment sank into the pit of my stomach, but it was only brief. I knew exactly what this stunt might cost me, and I was more than willing to accept it.

It was then I noticed my reflection in the mirror. There was nothing spectacularly different about it, except now as I looked at the nape of my neck, the seal that was there binding my soul looked worn, old, almost gone. I gently touched it and nothing happened. My link with the Gate had been damaged, perhaps even severed completely. Either way, I knew what it meant: no more favors.

But that wasn't important, not in the least.

I ran over to Brother and rustled his shoulder. "Brother," I whispered, "Wake up for a second, please?"

He gave a sleepy mumble and opened his eyes. "What is it Al…" he asked in an exhausted voice.

"Brother," I said firmly, "This has gone on long enough. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Brother glared at me. "You woke me up to say something like that? Leave me alone…"

"Stop it Brother. You're acting like a child. Now get _up."_

He grumbled and rolled back on his side. I sighed; this would have to call for slightly more drastic measures.

There was an empty vase that stood on the night stand. In one swift movement I took it and smashed it over the corner.

Brother jumped up and stiffened, "What the…!"

"Fix it," I said calmly, and deposited the long shards onto the sheets.

"Are you out of your mind? I told you about my alchemy…!"

I grabbed his hand. "Please Brother? Can't you at least try, for me?"

Brother's face softened up slightly. "What makes you… Pushy little…" he grumbled toward me, but he turned to face his test.

"Do I have to…?"

"_Yes."_

He starred at the broken glass with a look of absolute loathing and contempt. I could see past his annoyance and into his doubtfulness. As he looked on, I could tell he was thinking something along the lines of _"this isn't going to work."_

Still, for me, he readied himself and clapped his hands together, almost like he was making a prayer. The blue light that erupted nearly knocked him back, and he gazed in awe as he beheld the vase, perfectly crafted once more, and glinting with the summer light, as if to say, "I told you so."

* * *

I was happy. Happy for him, happy that he had his life back. It might take me months to regain any alchemic talent at all, perhaps even years, but I had all the time in the world now. Everything would be fine, everything back to normal, with my Brother renewed and by my side. 

He did thank me though. "Thank you Al, so much," he said. I don't think he quite knew why, though. (Maybe because I've just saved your life, jeeze Brother.) I suppose either way, it didn't matter much to me. It was enough just to hear it.

And he would never have to know about my deal with the Gate…

* * *

Brother and I stood outside HQ like two very small immobile statues. 

"Are you sure you want to do this now, Brother? We can wait a while…"

"And hide away in that hotel like a coward? No thank you Al."

"Then why don't we just…?"

"Give me a minute!" he snapped.

I glanced over at him and realized his hand was shaking. As discretely as I could, I reached over and held it tightly in mine. We stayed that way for a few seconds, before Brother finally walked forward, breaking our grasp, and said, "Let's go."

Brother strode forward boldly, with a sort of over-exaggerated arrogance, and even despite his shorter legs I jogged alongside to keep up. Together we climbed the familiar staircase that led to the Fuhrer's office. Brother paused outside the doors, glaring at the fancy woodwork like he wished he could blast it away with his mind.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" I asked.

"No," he said simply, "You wait out here. This may get ugly…"

"Brother…" I chided in a scolding tone.

"You think I'm joking?" he growled. He rolled his eyes and bunched up a sleeve like he was about to charge into hand-to-hand combat. He quickly hurried in without knocking.

I was never fully informed what exactly transpired between them in that room. The heavy doors blocked any kind of eavesdropping, and I only caught a few choice words being shouted by both parties, which sometimes sounded like, "The nerve of…!" and "you don't tell me…!" and "giving away my job to my kid brother…!" Well, I guess I did promise Roy an answer about his job offer… guess he didn't expect something like this.

But anyway, about fifteen minutes in, Brother's head suddenly poked out from the door. "This is going to take a while Al," he said flatly, "We've got a lot of fine print to hammer out. Go down to the library and amuse yourself for a while, 'kay? Tell 'em _Fullmetal_ sent you," and he disappeared before I could protest.

* * *

The library was relatively empty; guess there were no great discoveries being made on a quiet Sunday morning. Taking Brother's advice I wandered along the crowded shelves, tracing a finger so that it made a streak-line along the dusty bounds, lazily reading the titles. 

I absent mindedly plucked a book from the shelf, an alchemy book for beginners, and opened it to page one. I smiled at the simply drawn out circle before me, tracing it with my hand, my mind filling with nostalgia.

I remembered fondly the all-nighters Brother and I pulled in this very library, studying for the entrance exam to the military. How ironic, I suddenly thought, how the same man who prevented me from selling my already caged soul to the state would be the same person to practically force the same job down my throat. How funny the world is, hn?

I heard a clamor behind me and turned to see Brother marching through. His face looked oddly… happy. Like he had just earned a great triumph for all Elric kind.

"The deed is done," he said dramatically.

I shook my head. "I fail to see how you keep getting away with threatening your superiors…"

"Who cares how I do it? The point is I get away with it all, right? Now hurry up, I don't know about you, but I've just about had enough of this place."

My weary face lit up, "You mean it?"

Brother offered his hand and pulled me up on my feet, the alchemy book falling lopsided on the floor. He ordered his metal gears and bolts to squeeze my palm in affection, and even though he couldn't really feel it, I appreciated it all the same.

As we walked out, however, a book that was wedged in the corner, turned upside down and haggard-looking with lack of care, caught my eye. Without thinking I snatched it from the shelf.

"So now you're a thief?" Brother snickered, as I didn't even try to make my movement discreet.

"This place owes me…" I mumbled.

Brother laughed and suddenly broke out into a trot, dragging me behind him, and we dashed off into the day to catch the last train home.

* * *

Our footsteps left heavy marks in the freshly dampened earth as we followed the winding road back to the house. My thin, cheap shoes slogged through the mud, and I couldn't help but look over in envy at Brother's shiny boots. The air was thick and muggy, like it had rained recently, and the strong smell of damp was tickling my nose. Brother and I walked along in silence, each too deep in thought to form any coherent sentences. 

My hand had never left his since Central. How freeing it was, to display this tiny, almost unnoticeable symbol of adoration without fear or worry of disapproving eyes. I suppose that's what a near-death experience can give to you, the feeling that you were immortal. That nothing could ever harm you again.

When we finally arrived home, we couldn't help but pause for a moment outside the gate, both feeling like we had climbed out of an abyss.

* * *

I flipped mildly through the pages of the library book I had "borrowed" from HQ. Almost all of the words were long and formulaic, and they seemed to be strung together haphazardly making the sentences read like another language. This is a different kind of science, I supposed, while starring at a page. The words blended together and my head wandered to my schedule… need to call Winry tomorrow… it's too late to call tonight, she'd be upset if we phoned her up at one in the morning, and I can finally pick up Anubis… from the backlogged newspapers I read that Marta's hearing is going to be in two weeks, so I need to buy train tickets so I can go to that… I need to remind Brother to send a letter to Central and ask for more assignments… he's sick of his desk job, and needs to have a little bit of adventure again… 

I turned the page and roughly creased it down. Not _too_ much adventure of course.

Another page flipped. Maybe I'll tag along just in case.

* * *

"Hey Alphonse," Brother whispered. 

After a long, hot shower, using enough water that it'll probably cost half its weight in gold, Brother had retired to the soft sheets of our shared place of rest. He sat there for a long time, in an odd sort of lazy contemplation, drying off his damp hair, and paying rather little attention to me. I figured he just wanted to think and left him be, continuing to faithfully thumb through my _Theories of Cell Regeneration_, but then I guess I sort of fell asleep…

"Hey Alphonse…" Brother said again.

I rolled to my side and said sleepily, "What is it Brother…"

He frowned at me in an incredible teasing sort of way. "I've been meaning to ask you for a while; what the heck took you so long rescuing me from the pit of doom, eh?"

I stiffened indignantly and sat up. "Excuse me? What are you talking about? I hurried as fast as I could you know, but I had a lot of stuff going against me. Anyway, why are you interested in that _now?"_

Brother scoffed playfully and muttered, "Excuses…" completely ignoring my last comment.

I huffed and crawled over to his place of relaxation. Brother welcomed me with open arms and I rested at his side. "Well I had to be careful of Roy, and the rest of the military and the people at the hospital. Plus Envy was no picnic either. See?" I said, slightly folding down my jacket, "He cut my shoulder pretty good…"

Brother frowned. "What's this? Sit up Al," he ordered.

He un-tucked my jacket at the shoulder and inspected it. I slightly flinched as he gently touched it with his fingers. "Aw… my poor baby…" he purred, and planted a long, slow kiss on my bandaged wound.

"Was that necessary?" I mumbled, warmth rising into my cheeks.

"It was _absolutely_ necessary. Doesn't it feel better?"

"A little…" I admitted.

Brother laughed and said simply, "Come here you…"

Brother engulfed me in his arms and smothered me into his chest. I chuckled and played along, deciding to give in to our childish flirting, and buried my nose into his shirt. I could feel his warm skin through the fabric, fresh and clean from his marathon scrubbing. The heat was soothing, and had a calming effect on me. I pressed closer in and sighed as his fingers moved through my hair.

I couldn't help but notice, after a while, that Brother was holding me awfully… snug. Tighter and more cautions that usual. I voiced this and asked, "Are you okay Brother?"

"Hm?" he mumbled into my hair, "Yeah, I'm fine Al."

"You're quiet all of a sudden."

Brother kissed the top of my head. "Well, we haven't had a chance to be together like this in a while, you know?"

"Yeah, it's almost been a whole _week…_" I lightly teased.

He nuzzled the top of my head. "That's too long," he said.

His seriousness weighed down on me. I fidgeted and looked at him worried. "Brother," I started, "You know… back in Central… I never really got a chance to apologize for…"

"Oh no no no, you're not the one who's going to apologize first. I was the one who was in the wrong for that stupid fight."

"But you were just trying to protect me, and everything you said otherwise was true…"

"So what? I acted like a jerk about it. And… you know, I…"

"Hmm?"

Suddenly he began to caress my cheek with the back of his hand, and then leaned in a kissed me on the lips.

I was caught a bit off guard, and my hands stiffened at their resting place on his shoulders. His sweet lips gently caressed over mine, barely brushing, and my skin began to tingle.

Brother pulled back and gazed at my blushing face. His sun-lit eyes were wet with love. "I'm sorry Al…" he murmured softly, "Can you forgive me?"

I was too dazed to say anything intelligent. Instead I could only stupidly nod my head.

He twisted me around and laid me down in the pillows. He leaned over me and pecked my lips again, then his mouth bee-lined to my neck and he nuzzled against soft skin. His hands began to move up and down my sides, light and teasing. A shiver of pleasure rippled along my insides.

"Brother…" I mumbled, "W…wait a minute please…"

Brother leaned back up and patiently waited for me to speak, his weight resting on my lap.

"Brother," I said quietly, "If… if we're really going to do this… I want to do it with no regrets."

"Regrets?"

I fidgeted, "I don't want us to look back on this with… disappointment. I mean… Brother… if we do… _that_ then…"

"Alphonse," Brother interrupted. He picked up one of my hands and kissed the palm. "I want to tell you something. Back in that theater, for one horrible moment I thought I was going to die, and never see you again. I… I'm pretty sure it was the worst feeling I've ever had in my life. You're still my little brother, Al. I love you, and it's my sincerest wish to make love to you tonight." I jumped as he said these rather blunt words. My heart beat even faster.

He leaned over me so that our noses were touching. "I want to be able to own you, body and soul. Won't you let me, Alphonse?"

I starred at his features for any sign of insincerity, any sign at all. I found nothing. Nothing but love, and lust, and absolute adoration. So, instead I forgot all thoughts of worry, and closed my eyes.

* * *

It was somewhere in between, between Brother's long deep kisses and my hands digging into the skin of his neck, between the entirety of my clothing being yanked off and Brother's hands exploring and memorizing every inch and crevice of my body with my soft murmurs encouraging him on, between me reveling at the feel of his rough skin beneath my fingers, somewhere between our hearts beating so loudly that they echoed against the barren room, and when I realized how much I really needed him… 

"Are you nervous?" Brother asked, his voice quiet and soft.

"…no…" I replied, almost surprised at the very word I uttered. My hands continued to rub up and down against his bare, hot back.

"Are you?" I asked.

"Honestly?" he said, "Just a little bit…"

"Are you worried you're going to hurt me?" He nodded.

I shook my head. "Don't be… please Brother…"

We fell together in a bundle of tangled sheets and sweat. It was a blur of desperation, an ardor of the most beautiful kind of sin. Our lovemaking continued until the moon had risen high into the night, until we cried out loud enough to rattle the heavens from their slumber, and he collapsed on top of me, spent, exhausted, and the happiest being alive.

"Come here Brother…" I whispered to his dazed ears, and wrapped my arms tightly around his head. I urged him down to rest on my shoulder, and he instantly fell asleep.

I lay there for a long time, wide awake, sore, reveling at the comfort of having him at my side, with fingers still trembling as I caressed them blindly over his sleeping body. I felt wonderful, it hurt of course, but I could barely remember it now. It was some time, maybe an hour lying there basking in the aftermath of sex, before the magnitude of what we had just committed sunk in. I couldn't help but think, if we were ever found out, how we'd always be _those_ boys. You know? I would always be _that _poor little damaged child who was too weak to fight back. Brother would always be _that_ sick being who desecrated his little brother. I shivered; it sounded so ugly in my head, and it made my stomach feel sick.

But this had been exactly what I wanted. I was not the "innocent one" in this matter, I can take my share of the guilt and sin too, thank you very much. For one precious moment, I felt "close to God," as they say, if there is such a thing. Besides, if there is a "God," and he endowed me with desires, then can he really condemn me for fulfilling those needs? By "loving my Brother?"

Ah… I'm getting all religious and philosophical… if I keep having these rants of deep thought my head's going to implode one day… wait, didn't I already tell myself that like a hundred times before? I should be just relaxing now… sheesh…

I forced my brain to shove back all thoughts of doubt, society, dark things, God, and anything else not happy. Instead I focused on the being that was currently snoring on top of me. I hugged him tightly, and fawned over him as he slept, even thought he was murmuring and otherwise doing very un-romantic sleeping things. But he was my heart, and even in all his flaws…

…one time, when I was very little, out of curiosity I imagined a world where Brother didn't exist. I imagined not being able play with him, laugh with him, and I was only able to whisper my secrets to the stoic and uncaring walls around me. I thought this, and I sat down and hot tears came out of my eyes. I cried for a while, until Brother ran up and hugged me until it stopped. He always seemed to be doing that… rescuing me, you know, because I was little and scared and didn't understand much of the world. I loved him for it. I _love_ him for it. Anything I've ever done for him I've never considered a real sacrifice. It's just felt like… the thing I _must _do.

I suppose, with all that's happened, a kind of absolute love like that is bound to produce fear, fear of discovery, of loss, of rejection and disownment, of being alone.

But that's not strong enough to stop it from happening.

I frowned a bit and poked Brother in the back until he grumbled and sat up in a sleepy haze.

"Mmrr… what is it Al…? Why are you still awake…?"

I desperately wanted to pour my late-night revelations onto his head, so that maybe I could understand them better, but he seemed so happy and content. No reason to spoil that. Of course, I was happy and content too, just with a side of my ever-present anxiousness, so instead I whispered, "How do you feel, Brother?"

Brother grinned lazily and said, "I feel wonderful, thank you, my dear brother." He randomly nuzzled my cheek as he said this.

"You never gave me a proper goodnight."

Brother raised his eyebrow. "A _proper_ one? And how should I go about doing that?"

I closed my eyes. "Say, 'goodnight Alphonse, have sweet dreams, I'll be right here when you wake.'"

Brother leaned close to my face, and his words seemed to fall sweetly down into my ears. "Goodnight Alphonse, have sweet dream, I'll be right here when you wake. I love you…"

* * *

_Don't cry for the past now brother mine,  
Neither you nor I are free from blame.  
Nothing can erase the things we did,  
For the path we took was the same._

_So where do we go from here?  
And how to forget and forgive?  
What's gone is forever lost._

_  
Now all we can do is live._

Fin.

* * *

I still don't know whether to be happy or sad. This is only the second multi-chapter fic I've finished. I'm happy that it turned out so well, but I'm sad that I can't really add anything new…! But, then again, that's what epilogues are for, neh? Which, by the way, I am going to write, 'cause there's a few things I still need to wrap up for this story… (You may have noticed a few loose ends. Those will be cleared up, I promise.) 

BUT anyway. Life is good for me. I've got school under control now, and I've applied to all my colleges (YESH) so you'll probably be hearing a little more from me in the future.

Stay safe, read lots, and don't forget to drink your MILK!!

-ATA

P.S. In case you were curious, those last couple lyrics are lines lovingly stolen from the English version of "Brothers." Vic has a nice voice. Muhahha…


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